Hi all, thank you for your replies, I asked him to go counselling with me he said we don’t need counselling that we just need to keep communication open etc. I disagreed and said if we are to combine families I think we should go, he said no so I left it. I have considered my child, there is no way I am willing for him to get up every morning wondering what mood he will encounter today, its not fair .
Yes, I’ve thought for a while the relationship is very one sided, I even said to him that he tells me I should do this and that and when I do I still get nothing back . H e always seems to have an excuse as to why he does or says the things he does and an apology is never really an apology and its always my fault anyway . Anita, yes I have decided to end the relationship and yes, it seems like a sickness on his part which he refuses to take responsibility for . I think something in me went from the last toxic interaction. He said him getting that angry wasn’t good for HIM , he failed to see it wasn’t good for US or the relationship , I tried to discuss it with him but he always switches it around as if he is trying to make me feel guilty that I somehow caused the mess.
So yes, its time to give up this relationship as it is unhealthy and not the kind of relationship I want, sometimes he reminds me of Jekyll and Hyde .

Dear Anita, again thank you for your reply 🙂 I feel sure that this is the right decision for me and my child and with every passing moment it is clear that this is what I must do.
I used to think if I did what he asked and tried and tried that the relationship would get better , but as time went on the more I gave the less I got the worse things seem to become . I can not imagine marrying this man and inflicting what really is sickness and abuse on my child who is happy, healthy and incredibly intelligent. How can I as a mother, watch that light being snuffed out by something so toxic ? Today he has not contacted me at all and it had very little effect on me, I carried on with my day .
I expect I will hear from him around a minute to midnight or get up to abusive texts in the morning telling me how selfish and uncaring I am blah blah blah , its always the same. He told me not to call him today so I haven’t and neither have I texted or anything , he might even block me on whatsapp, he’s done that a couple times before saying he didn’t want me to text him , and he expected me to call lol . I no longer care, I already feel free and there is a feeling in my chest not of pain and fear as it has been these past few months but of hope .
I am incredibly grateful to Tiny Buddha, you and everyone else who has help me to keep my head above water these past few months, even though I only posted a few times coming here and reading some of the posts and sound advice given has made me feel less alone . So to every one a great big THANK YOU xxxx
Peace and Love to all,
k8tyB

Dear Anita, You are absolutely correct , for the past four weeks I have found myself a really good therapist as I decided to learn a bit more about ME and take care of ME as it was obvious that trying to take care of this one sided relationship wasn’t working as I was confused , depressed and overwhelmed . I couldn’t understand him or his behaviours so all I think I could do was try to understand me and mine.
He’s just text me saying hello , said I was taking the piss out of him last night and it was uncomfortable and , I asked why was it uncomfortable because it wasn’t when he was getting his photo taken with a random woman , that I guess doing it was a whole lot more comfortable than joking about it lol . He didn’t like that at all and said he doesn’t need to explain himself I said no not any more .
It’s over…

So…I’ve ended the relationship, yesterday I was sure and hopeful, today I am still sure but it really hurts and I can’t seem to stop crying. My friends tell me that I have done the right thing because he has been such a D@&$£K to me and it was horrible because it made me so ill. I keep remembering the good times we had but I am trying to balance it out with the not so good times lol , I am not sure what else to do .
He accused me of ending the relationship because I was jealous, I gave up trying to explain to him that I wasn’t jealous and that it’s the way he has been treating me that I am unhappy with .
I keep wondering if he loved me , if he was just wearing a mask all this time? And if he loved me why did he feel the need to punish me and hurt me over and over again. And if he didn’t love me , why ask me to marry him, why didn’t he just let me go ? And I question myself and was it me and was there anything I could have done better? was I kind? Patient? Loving enough? Did I try hard enough ?
He said I’ve been pushing him away , maybe I did .
I’m expressing my thoughts here instead of writing them in a book, I hope thats ok .
Thank you

Dear Anita, Thank you for your insight and your words of wisdom they are a real comfort to me and they ring so very true . Yes perhaps I did feel like I needed to be punished.He was always telling me how patient he was with me talking about my ex and how no man would tolerate it and how bad it made him feel that I did it , there always seem to be something he tried to make me feel guilty about, Like I turn up late or I didnt get around to doing something he thought I should do in the time that he thoughtI should do it in which is usually immediately, I see that now.
No he didnt love me and I too used to think that he somehow got pleasure from conflict as it was after an argument that he would be most loving especially when I have agreed to something he has said and apologised even though he started it. He said I like arguing, I know that was him projecting as most of the so called issues were not issues but small things that could be sorted out with a normal conversation but he went for the drama and I’d either have to defend my self , apologise or agree.
I once told him that I am not responsible for the pain that he has been feeling all his life , maybe his taking it out on me really was him releiving himself .
Today I feel a sense of relief knowing that this weekend ( I know it’s early in the week 🙂 I can spend the weekend not wondering what his mood will be like on the day. Will plans made still be upheld? Will I have to duck and dodge accusations, will I have to breathe a sigh of relief going to bed at the end of the night if hes still in a good mood.
I woke up this morning to a barrage of texts and accusations, I wasnt kind, I hurt people that love me and he doesnt know whats wrong with me , I am volatile, I twist his interaction with the random woman and it was a nice experience til he mentioned it to me, I didnt invite him over to my house often enough, he would have been happy if I did things out the blue, stop referring to my ex and he felt alone in the relationship . The more he talks the more he opens my eyes to who he really is the better I feel about making the decision I did. I know some days I will remember the good times and I will feel pretty rotten and when those days come I will turn to Tiny buddah and my fellow posters for words of wisdom and comfort. One of the articles that is my favourite is Letting Go of Toxic Relationships when youre still in love ( or something along those lines) 🙂
Thank you very much .x
k8tyB

Dear Anita,
This time there will be no relief for him , no submission , he will have to look elsewhere for his “fix” , I will not be accepting his punishment, it’s well and truly over. I hear what you are saying when you say ” the obscentiy of this kind of interaction” …because that is exactly what it is, obscene and sick . I told my therapist today that it’s as if he has a whip and has beating me with it over and over again and more and more often these past few months.
Yes, I do have to put a stop to it, he won’t be finiding any relief here , there has been no more texts today , I didn’t answer the last ones he sent . My regret is that I didn’t put a stop to this madness sooner, that I allowed it to carry on as long as I did. I am happy though that it is over and I did not present him with another victim, namely my child.
He can keep his “Love ” and give it to someone who enjoys wallowing and existing in the toxicity of it .
k8tyB