April 10, 2014 at 5:06 am #54598doremiParticipant
I wanna ask your opinion. My company is a big company there are around 100 people around we are usually in group.
My group (Team A mixed male and female) 8 people, 5 of them likes to go out and eat expensive stuff, 3 of us, including me don’t like to join often.
The other group team B – 6 people, all females (One of them never join her group for lunch) and
The Group C (All guys) – Eat only normal stuff.
I know from facebook, etc. that my team and team b talk bad about people who didn’t join for lunch, or who work slow (one of my team colleague). I don’t like their attitude but I don’t want to make enemies also. Today, I asked one of my colleagues if you meet with another colleague (from long holiday for lunch) and she lied to me, “He can’t make it”. Then I saw them on facebook for another colleagues birthday party.
Team C mostly are guys and different department from me. But we are come from the same hometown, so they asked me to lunch with them. I am worried to looks weird or make mistakes, since I am the only female in the group.
What should I do? I do my job well, but I am afraid they talk bad about me behind etc. being underestimate, being left out. What should I do?
April 10, 2014 at 11:09 am #54613louiseParticipant
- This topic was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by doremi.
Don’t worry about what other people think about you. #1
Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. # 2
Thank God you have a job. Many people don’t. #3
Dunt Vurry #4April 10, 2014 at 11:23 am #54614BuckyParticipant
I was going to also say don’t worry what they think. I do understand how you feel tho, you have to see these people all day almost every day. I would “play the field” have an expensive lunch one day with that group, sit with the guys one day, and float around. Some days you can also sit by yourself and read a book. Good luck and don’t worry about so much.April 10, 2014 at 6:01 pm #54628@Jasmine-3Participant
Thanks Louise and Bucky.
Hi Doremi @doremi
You have a beautiful name 🙂
I will share my perspective on this issue and see if it resonates with your being. You sound like a young soul from the post 🙂
– people are going to be inconsistent in their behaviours until they are quite spiritually advanced. This means that it takes a lot of self awareness and mindfulness practice before someone can stop having a herd mentality and accept everyone as they are. You will find that people will misbehave, gossip, bitch, pass judgments at a drop of a hat if given a choice. This is how many of us have been brought up in our current society. We are not comfortable in our own skin and hence, we try to see everyone in the same light. Solution for you : accept that people are who are they and you wont be able to please someone for too long except yourself. The only person who should matter to you is YOU. Once you are comfortable in your skin, you wont care about what anyone eats, thinks, does, says etc. You will get better at this with time so dont be hard on yourself.
– we all wish to be part of the various social groups around us. This is our innate need and it is hard to change. Our DNA is wired for this :). So enjoy yourself in whichever group you wish to engage with. Girls and boys are not too different when they mingle. Boys gossip and bitch in their own ways and girls do it in their own ways but we all do it. Remember, we are the same species at the end of the day. What is important is that you are able to be YOU in any situation or environment. With practice, it becomes easier again. When you are more authentic yourself, you will be surprised at how many other people will be inspired by your authenticity and will start to be themselves around you. People are often pretentious as they fear rejection and judgment from others around them. Once you accept everyone as they are, there is no fear of rejection then, is there ?
– Office politics occur in every workplace on this earth. When you have 2 or more humans under the same roof, there will be politics. The question is – do you want to be part of it or do you want to be aware of it and do your work with passion and full commitment ? I have learnt to follow the second principle regarding work politics. If you are going to be part of it, you will not be at peace in your mind if you are a conscious person ( someone who doesnt enjoy backstabbing, ego stroking, power play etc). However, by being aware that there is politics and who is involved in it, you can use the information to your advantage in an ethical manner and still be part of the bigger organisation and its vision.
I wish you all the best in your journey. You are worth it. Keep doing the great work and keep becoming more YOU in every situation and environment.
JasmineApril 12, 2014 at 9:12 pm #54690doremiParticipant
Thank You so much Louise, Bucky, Jasmine. I just realized recently maybe I am scared with people rejection, that I am not belongs in the group. I raised my voice when someone from my teams keep bullying me and giving me a lot of work to do. Even though I said hi again to her, I knew I should be more patient.
I will try to go belong in my group without care for people approval, without care about gossip, etc. and see what happens. Thank You so much for giving me knowledge to accept people the way I wanna be accepted. Thank You 😀
Yeah, I am young 20++ But I realized that age doesn’t matter, I am worried in my 100 years old of age I am still not wise enough.
Thank You for the wisdom 😀April 18, 2014 at 12:23 pm #54992BobParticipant
Always remain true to yourself, it is a balancing act where I work as well. I treat everyone the same, offering to each of them a helping hand without expecting anything in return. I do bite holes in my tongue when I really want to explode like a volcano but in the end I will be the one who looks like the bad employee.
I avoid all gossip circles, do not go to lunch with anyone because that stirs up unwanted opinions. I would never have a beer in an after hour setting because of the aftermath of idle talk.
I do not in anyway entertain relationships of a personal nature, have had several offers but I shoot them all down and walk away. Work and getting along with people can be very difficult, do not try working both sides to gain ‘brownie points’ that mount up to nothing.
Remain firm with your beliefs, keep it to yourself and do stir up the pot of discontent because it will boil over.
Be well and walk in peace.April 23, 2014 at 12:48 am #55230S BParticipant
The workplace can take its toll on your nerves and your heart. Keep in mind that no matter what you personally believe, I know synchronicity is in your life. You were invited for a reason. This by itself shows that you will always have a place, and while it may feel uncomfortable at first, eventually you will meet the people you need to in life. Remember as well that others show their pettiness in many ways, and you will soar far above your colleagues if you keep your goals in focus and treat those who like you or dislike you with kindness.
good luck doremi, you are loved.