October 14, 2015 at 8:22 am #85399anitaParticipant
Whatever you think and whatever you feel is okay- you honor yourself by expressing your thoughts, preferances and feelings here and elsewhere. What you do matters, and judgment should be made only on what you choose to do, what your actions are. Feelings for that girl in the office just happen, nothing to frown about in my opinion. I like what you did here, turning to your wife and not toward the ex co-worker. Telling your wife how you feel, wanting alone time- it is for your benefit and for HER benefit that you are honest with her about your feelings.
anitaOctober 15, 2015 at 8:34 am #85447James AnthonyParticipant
I have spent a lot of time over the last few days thinking about what I ‘want’, and what is ‘right’.
My wife and I were intimate together for the first time last night, while it was fine, good even, I felt it hard to feel ‘connected’ to her – and I feel guilty about that as she now seems happier.
I am wondering whether I am better by myself, I am starting to ‘want’ to spend time looking at myself, I am feeling an incredible draw to being solitary, my feelings for my ex-workmate are still there, but do not seem as important now, not now that I am faced with this longing to be by myself and to try to ‘perfect’ myself.
I am thinking of speaking with my wife within the month and talking to her about going our separate ways.October 15, 2015 at 8:57 am #85449anitaParticipant
That may very well be what you need to do so to take care of yourself. Your job and responsibility is to take care of yourself, of your own well being. Are you thinking of having psychotherapy to explore your feelings, this draw to being solitary, this longing to be by yourself and try to perfect yourself (I wonder what you mean by ‘perfect’ yourself)?
You expressed misgiving about sharing here before, a few posts ago, it being an online, not in person, forum. So I understand you may not answer my question or share anymore here. It is your choice. There is no point in answering or sharing more unless you have some faith that it may be helpful.
Take care of yourself:
anitaOctober 15, 2015 at 11:45 am #85456jeenaParticipant
Strider, that’s a step in the right direction. Good for you! Can you remember the moment when you stopped relating to your wife? Was it really your feelings for the coworker or was that just the result of the symptoms of a fading love in your marriage? I’m trying to determine which came first. That is if you want to share of course. If we are just chopped liver in cyberspace to you, then never mind! LOLOctober 17, 2015 at 3:56 pm #85568SolongParticipant
This happened to me a few years ago. I was convinced about this crush, and I didn’t say anything to anyone except a few close friends, but I prayed for clarity and for the feelings to go away because I wanted to be faithful and to rekindle my love for my partner again. This worked for me! It was very hard, but I made decisions to avoid the crush, and I tried to work on my relationship with my partner, and a few months later it all felt silly and I was so glad that I handled it the way I did.October 17, 2015 at 6:54 pm #85573TriangleSunParticipant
I really do not understand why some people insist on bringing work into their personal life. Work is where you get you paycheck. Home is the only place in the entire world where you can detach yourself from the daily grind, relax and let your mind wander. You can love your job, but don’t bring it back home in any way shape or form. That doesn’t mean that you have to be a corporate robot at work, but you have to set a boundary on how personal you need to bet at work with your colleagues. Having said that you need to snap out of your la-la land and realize that you’re crushing on someone who thinks of you as a co-worker… an ex co-worker at that and by leaving your partner over this you’re likely going to find yourself rejected by the other person you have a crush on. Be a little realistic. You’re working things out with your wife and I think this is 100% the right thing to do. You mentioned you’ve just started to be intimate with each other and I think that’s an amazing way to rekindle passion. Experiment together. Do crazy things. Take time just for the two of you. Travel. Do things together.