- This topic has 23 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
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July 31, 2014 at 9:44 am #62333Caring GuyParticipant
Thanks,
Currently everyone wants space from me so that I can work on ME! (kids/GF). They all say it is good for the long term gain, better relationships with my kids and GF. So currently I am in a dark lonely place with myself. Trying to figure out what I need to do. I call everyone and talk to everyone about my current situation. Not grieving yet because I have been told by GF that we are still a couple but we need space so that we can work on ourselves. I try and try to give her space but I text and wait for a response ! I know she is just trying to help me so that I can not be so dependent on her. It is very hard! The same is occurring with my kids. I need to stop or I will push everyone away.
I am trying to meditate, but I can not focus.. My mind just wonders to what is going on. I got some meds, but I am not sure if I really want to be on them. I am just consumed by all of this.
July 31, 2014 at 10:26 am #62334peacewithinParticipantOh trust me i know how difficult it is to not be overwhelmed by the fact that you feel alone.
People can feel alone even when they are in a room full of people and feel complete when they are by themselves but do you ever wonder how they can do this? I went through the same thing, lost my friends, my job and my fiance all in a matter of months. I am at some fault in all of this now i know but it took a lot of self discovery to know what was really going on but you won’t find out until you are ready. I found myself doing the same thing as you, waiting for friends response that will take days to come then i finally started depending only on myself.
Can i suggest a book that helped me? it is called “the power of now” by Eckhart Tolle. it teaches you how to focus on the moment and really apply the old saying “taking it one day at a time”. It is very difficult to find a way “out” but knowing you can count on yourself it is far more valuable than knowing who you can count on.
i understand you don’t want to take pills for depression and i respect that although sometimes we do need professional help to give us that little “push” to get things started. I myself did take those pills but promised myself that i will only do it for short while to give me the strength i so much needed but have you ever considered looking into natural remedies? there are natural remedies to help with insomnia, anxiety and of course depression. If you are willing to get things started i suggest start with your health because it starts with YOU and the most basic thing is your health then everything else comes after. think about it we cant do it all alone.
July 31, 2014 at 10:57 am #62335The RuminantParticipantI know it’s really easy to comment as an outsider, but somehow it just seems like overcomplicating things that one should try to “find” oneself. I mean, there you are. Not online and not found in some articles. I’m not against reading articles and talking with other people, but you have access to your authentic self every moment of every day. You just need to be honest.
I really don’t mean to be callous. Looking back at my own life, I’ve made things so very difficult myself, when what I should’ve done was to allow myself to have a natural relationship with the world. I overcomplicated everything. Now I find myself trying to simplify and declutter as much as possible so that there is more room left for actually living.
Allowing life to connect directly with your heart as opposed to thinking what you think about life and what you think about yourself.
July 31, 2014 at 11:27 am #62338Caring GuyParticipantthanks, I am just really have become impatient. Spending time in self sorrow, It is very hard. It effects me at work, I am just watching the clock waiting to go home! And what will I do when I go home? Sit there as I have done! I am failing my kids, my GF not doing anything. I have this weekend to myself and I can not even think of anything I want to do with myself! It appears that it is going to be a rainy weekend where I live and all I can think of is sitting my home ( my room to be specific) and sit and wonder how the heck I got myself in to this mess with myself !
July 31, 2014 at 7:04 pm #62362@Jasmine-3ParticipantThanks everyone.
Hi Caring guy @gg0319
I would like to give you a big kick in the bum with my perspective for this weekend. Are you ready for the challenge ? Other TB mates, please feel free to offer more tasks to our friend Caring guy with thanks. @talkingwithtinybuddah @inky you can offer some great tasks here.
SCENE: RAINY WEEKEND and CARING GUY
1. Pick up some nice CDs or songs on iTunes and play them reasonably loud in your room but be kind to the neighbours with the volume.
2. Clean the whole room (your home)- dust, vacuum, mop, put clothes away, wash clothes that need washing, iron clothes that need ironing, wash all dishes or chuck them into the dishwasher, clear up the clutter in the pantry or kitchen, rearrange your furniture if need be etc. It should be light and bright at the end of this weekend.
3. Have a nice warm shower, change into fresh clothes and put on a nice perfume, which takes your fancy. Be the best looking bloke you can be but don’t go overboard with tuxedo and all 🙂
3. Make a beautiful brunch for yourself or go out for a date with YOURSELF. Look at the passerbys and soak in the rainy smell off the ground. Look at some kids, women, dogs, food, what others are doing in the café etc
4. Make an appointment to have a whole body massage 1-2 hours. Pick a nice ambience for the massage if you can.
5. At the end of the day, come back to your heavenly abode and make a nice cuppa or even a hot chocolate with strawberry marshmallows (you can choose vanilla if you want). Sit in front of a screen and watch a comedy. No romantic or sad movies pls. Just comedies or stand up comedy stuff. There are heaps on you tube.
6. Time to retire after a light dinner. Light up some candles in the room and soak in the ambience. Take a piece of paper or a notebook and write down 50 things, which have gone great in life. For example: I am 4 limbs, I can breathe, I can wash my teeth, I can eat and swallow, I can write, I have internet etc. Just 50 things. Fold this paper away and keep it under your pillow.
7. While sitting on your soft and cuddly bed, say a prayer to yourself: “Thank you for such a lovely day with myself. I am at peace. I feel loved by myself. I would like to thank everyone in the nature or environment for making my day such a blessing in the rain. The atoms, cells, particles, trees, rain, sand, food, bed, water etc etc, You get the drill.
Next day
Finish up all the things that you couldn’t do yesterday and repeat points 6/7 atleast.
Wah lah, whole weekend is gone in a buzz….where did the time go ?
ACTION, ACTION, ACTION time my dear friend. Stop the self pitying. It aint helping anyone else on this TB and worst of it all, it aint helping YOU.
Blessings,
Jasmine
July 31, 2014 at 7:29 pm #62367Caring GuyParticipantThanks…
well the crap hit the fan tonight… ! I was involved in a car accident and most likely totaled my car !!!I guess things can get better!! Maybe this is a sign ?
July 31, 2014 at 8:07 pm #62369@Jasmine-3ParticipantHI Caring Guy
Are you ok ? All limbs working and in order ? Did you get medical attention to ensure all good ?
Look, I am sorry about the accident and your car.
If I were you, I would look at this as a big sign from the Universe. Things are good for you as it is….you just need to make them better for yourself and stop sitting on the negative emotional roller coaster ride.
Sending you loads of positive energy and may you take an action for the Caring guy to move forward finally.
J
July 31, 2014 at 8:39 pm #62370AlpalParticipantHello There 🙂
I can understand where you are coming from , for almost 2 years I have been going through this “i wanna fix myself and be the person I would admire” kind of phase and it seems to take time. The best advice I can give you is BE patient! I promise you if you keep working on yourself you will get there it just needs time ! Try fixing the habits and the little habits you do daily which will definitely speed up the change, another thing to do is to monitor your thoughts! it is easier said than done but it CAN be done! I used to give up on myself every once in a while because of the fact that I felt that I was not changing and that maybe I’m just supposed to be like this, but then I realized that since I aspire to be that person then it must be meant for me ! That must be the person I was made to be! And once I started talking to myself A LOT and monitoring everything that came into my head, everything slowly but surely started to change!
Hope I helped , feel free to ask if there is anything you would like to know or any help you need:)
AlpalAugust 1, 2014 at 5:47 am #62393InkyParticipantHow old are your kids? Are they adults that want space, or minors (who speak through the mother that they want space)? If they are adult children saying this, then the car accident was a sign. If they are minors then the car is another time delay between you and seeing them. I don’t like how many people in your life are saying that YOU need to work on yourself, that they need a break from YOU. And you’re buying it? Unless it’s abuse (physical, substance, emotional) something else is going on here.
I stand by what I said before:
1. “GF, I am devoting my energies to my kids. See ya.”
2. “Listen to me Girls, I’m your Father!” -
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