Giving yourself Strength (Share your story and tip)

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by Margit.

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March 24, 2015 at 12:46 am #74347

Marshmallow
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I think we should do a thread about people pulling though because there is an overwhelming amount of threads about problems but not a lot about success and solutions. Keep your tale short and offer at least 1 tip you do to keep your spirits up. 🙂

I use to hole myself up in my room, victimize myself by comparing everything that was wrong in my life to all the things I wanted in other people’s lives and basically bring my own spirits down as a teen. I had a dysfunctional family and had to move basically every year so I never had any real friends. Eventually I was force to make some personal growth when my family hit rock bottom and my parents separated – then I was dragged through one heck of a emotional roller coaster ride, my dad disowned me on several occasions, my mom was crying, screaming, threatening to hurt herself at me everyday and as an only child, I shouldered it on my own. But somehow I learned to toughen my shells and eventually I became “the rock” of the family. Here are some of my tips for giving yourself strength to full through difficult times:

1. Make a to-do list and check things off as you go. If you are faced with a lot of stress, grief or just turmoil in your life, it helps to do something about it. Have a plan, it gives you a sense of control and it keeps you from feeling hopeless.

2. Take 5 min to breath. Like actually, open a window, engulf some fresh air and exhale slowly. Deep breathing always slows my heart down when its pounding and it gives me a moment to collect myself.

3. Give yourself perspective. I know getting rejected from the college of your choice is tough, I know your screaming fighting family is heartbreaking, but its not the worse thing that can happen. I have a picture of a town in Syria where everything has been destroyed by war in my room with the words “Be Grateful”. Sometimes it just helps to realize, in the grand-scheme of things, this is really nothing.

Please share yours!

March 24, 2015 at 2:06 am #74348

Bina
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I like what you said Marshmallow. One of the things that has helped me to take the focus of me. 1. Take a walk in nature, 2. Take the focus of me, and put it onto somebody else. A stranger, friend, family member, with a smile, a compliment, asked about their day, or is there anything I can do to help. 3. Find gratitude in the good things in your life. There a lots of good things, we are all here on a journey. And a statement I heard from another fellow traveler, ” Can I leave the world a better place “

March 24, 2015 at 5:15 am #74350

Inky
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In college I went through a heart breaking break up. Usually I would be the one to leave, but now I was the one being dumped. It wasn’t so much that HE was dumping me, so much as that *I* was being dumped, know what I mean? It triggered all my abandonment issues I had had with my original family.

What helped get me through the tears and despair was to have ONE outside thing that had NOTHING to do with HIM. For me, our art history class was building a Byzantine style Arch with real stones. We had a mason help us with the work. Really, he just did it while we all stood around. He wouldn’t let us touch the damn rocks or cement at all LOL! But wouldn’t you know it, that one hour twice a week was the only time when my mind was actually CLEAR.

March 24, 2015 at 3:23 pm #74378

Kyniska
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Usually, when something is going on with me, I just try to hang on. My mind will spin out wild ideas, pumping me full of stress chemicals until I’m in full flight mode with nowhere to run. If I have there wherewithal to do so, I talk myself down because I’m big into treating the cause (if I can get to it), not the symptoms. But if I’m just too irrational (to the point of not realizing I’m irrational), I just try to grit my teeth and bear with it. I distract myself by reading or cooking. I repeat to myself “this will pass” and “there are many good things in my life that are more important than this,” even if I don’t particularly believe that at the time, I keep saying it. I cling to my spiritual practice like a life raft. I read articles on Tiny Buddha or Zen Habits. Basically do whatever I can to weather the storm.

I’m in one right now and it isn’t pretty, but I’m doing all of the above and I’m still going.

March 24, 2015 at 7:35 pm #74383

Bronte C
Participant

Hi Everybody!

Great idea Marshmallow!

Mine would be this:

When you are hurting or angry, beven mindful of what you say. You want people to remember you for your grace. (paraphrasing a quote from Stevie Nicks) 🙂

One more thing:

Just sleep on it – everything looks clearer in the morning.

Wishing you all happiness! !
– Bronte

March 25, 2015 at 1:52 pm #74414

Margit
Participant

Thanks for starting this thread, Marshmallow!

This hits home right now because I’m having a pretty rough day. A few hours ago, I was on the verge of a breakdown. Lots of old personal stuff suddenly came up and I was shocked by how firmly my mind kept saying “There’s something wrong with you. You don’t deserve any joy/love/whatever.” In minutes, it was like years of self compassion work was out the door. Luckily, I had some strategies to work through it.

#1 – I know what works for me. At first, I wasn’t hearing any of it today, but I knew it had worked in the past so I kept at it. Find what works for you, take note, use it and don’t give up. Sometimes it takes a while to break through the funk. Keep going.

#2 – I write out my negative feelings as they come. No analyzing, no judgement. I just get them out. It’s vile, hateful stuff, but it’s on paper, not bouncing around in my mind. I feel better because I’m facing the hate, not hiding from it. I rarely re-read it, I just get it out. Sometimes I analyze it, but the most important think for me is to just GET. IT. OUT.

#3 – I practice a Breathing & Awareness meditation. Sometimes, I’m too upset to feel anything other than hate toward myself. Those lovely Self-Compassion, Loving-Kindness meditations do not stick in those times. Instead, I need work to remind myself that “I exist.” I try to experience a neutral breath and neutral physical feelings (sitting on a floor, clothes on my body). I keep meditating until I’m calm enough to hear my heart again. After I’ve calmed down, I can start to explore the reasons for my distress.

#4 – I also check in with my body. Am I hungry? Tired? Cold? Seriously – those things can really affect your mood. Take care of your body so it stops messing with your mind.

#5 – I come here, actually. I find so much strength in knowing that I’m not alone when I have a difficult time experiencing the human condition. Just knowing that all of you beautiful, perfect, worthy-of-love people also experience pain makes me feel less helpless. It sucks, but it happens to all of us because we’re humans who live with humans. Your situations are different and your strategies to deal are different, but what matters is that you keep trying to experience life. It reminds me that although I can sometimes be a victim of circumstance, victim of a damaged childhood, victim of an unbalanced mind, victim of whatever…I am still a living thing who can also experience life. It helps me to lose the title “victim” and just accept that I’m human and this is how we are.

When I “come to” after getting caught up in negative thoughts and realize I can still go on, the feeling usually isn’t profound. It’s more like “Oh. Yeah. That’s right. Breathe in, breathe out. Neutral.” Maybe I haven’t fixed things forever, but I’m living here right now, and sometimes that’s enough.

Can’t wait to hear from more people!
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