Hello, this is my first time posting on here. For the last maybe week or so I have felt crippling shame and guilt. Yesterday was the worst, I felt like I have ruined my life because of some of my feelings and thoughts. I felt like an unredeemable person. Last night though I started uncontrollably crying my eyes out in front of my dad. My dad and my sister tried to comfort me the best they could as I told them about what I was so upset about. Today was better for some reason, but again, I started uncontrollably crying and they both had to comfort me a second time. After that happened, I actually was feeling a lot more positive for a bit. But it kind of hit me again and that’s why I’m posting about it on here.

my problem is, I have a lot of past mistakes that I feel very guilty about. I ruminate over them constantly. Something my mind does to relieve my worry is to compare my mistake to others mistakes that are sometimes much worse than what I did or what I think is at the same level. Sometimes, this will make me feel a temporary feeling of relief? I’m not even sure what to call it. It’s an indescribable feeling. For some reason, it just makes me feel better for one second. But right after I do this, I get this feeling of “oh my gosh what did I just do” and feel incredibly ashamed. And sometimes, if I feel like someone didn’t do something as wrong as me, I feel a feeling of disappointment. Sometimes if I’m reading about a mistake someone else feels guilty about, I’ll look back at certain parts of their posts if I feel like it isn’t as bad as what I did. I would never actually act on the things I compare my mistakes to, but I feel as if I want others to do these things and it makes me feel so shameful and full of guilt.

I guess my questions are, am I a horrible person for this? Is this just a human thing to do? Am I a monster?