Menu

Guilty or not?

HomeForumsRelationshipsGuilty or not?

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 40 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #354364
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita…

    I have broken up with him… And i m feeling better… I have no guilt…. But i m feeling sk empty in this locked down… I have nothing to do… Feeling hopeless.. Low energy…

    #354366
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    So good to read from you, and to read that you did the right thing for yourself (and for him).

    You did the right thing, Puppo, congratulations!

    I understand that you are feeling badly, with nothing to do during this lockdown, low energy. Is there any way for you to take a walk outside or exercise indoors?

    A daily routine of exercise will pick up your mood. And you can build more of a daily routine around the exercise, so that your day has a structure.

    Can you tell me more about your living situation during this lockdown (you may have shared about it but I don’t remember at the moment)?

    As a matter of fact I am about to take a long walk outside myself in about five minutes, even though it is hot out. It will be a 3.5 mile walk (about 5.5 km). I live in the country, so social distancing during the walk is not a problem. When I am back, I would like to read back from you.

    anita

    #354370
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Fortunately i m in a country where i can walk outside nd everything is open….but  we are still maintaining distance… Nd unfortunately i m here alone without my family member… And wd friends we are still kind of maintaining social distancing or i m not asking them to meet up neither they…

    I m student nd my university is all about online lectures nd i m nt attending those as i m changing my major from winter semester a part time job which is also some how effected by coronavirus…

    So now i hope u got my point… I m connected wd family nd friends on call but because of low energy i dont feel like talking….

    Yesterday after a long time i met a friend.. We went nd walked (11 km) nd spent good time… Thn i promised to my self to go out every day fr a walk which btw i did today 7.0 km

     

    #354374
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    I just came back from my fast walk and feel better for it. Excellent: you walking 13 km the other day and 7 km today, these are long walks, I am impressed. I say 5 km is good enough, but longer is fine too.

    So you are not taking online classes, which means you have.. nothing to do, like you wrote earlier. You wrote that you are planning to change your major: can you request to take a class on the new major, and if not, what if you start studying for your major yourself. If you tell me what your new major will be, I may be able to help you as to how to begin your study.

    And what about music and movies online.. comedy shows (that are not offensive) perhaps?

    I wonder how your friends spend their time, maybe there is something any of them does that you can pick yourself.

    anita

    #354376
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I m happy for you that u are doing very healthy activities in this locked down…☺️

     

    And may be there is something i want to share with you here… My ex reached to me almost 3 weeks before… We are broken up almost 7 months before…we were in same city and we were so connected and in love with each other.everything was great .. I moved to new city thn because of misunderstanding.i felt he doesn’t trust me . Nd without any break up everything finished… He was mad at me and i was at him…

    In these 7 months i have already moved on nd everything… After his reaching out i was okey too… I dint care i talkd very normally… Replied very respectfully… 3rd day he called again i dint pick up… But just before 5 days i was sitting in balcony i broke down while missing him… i started thinking how mch i loved him nd how mch we enjoyed laughed.. Did everything together.. And why ths happened how could he just leave me when we were doing so great… Etc….nd the only question in my mind was why didnt he trust me???

     

    And just before 2 days before i watched a bollywood movie ” Dear Zindagi” which means (Dear Life) its about a girl who faces problems with are relationships (love, family, work) nd goes to a therapist which explains her about how to find solutions of her problems…

    So in one scene that therapist says to her ” why suffer alone, let the other person know about it”

    I understood it in that way that why am i carrying that burden of those questions on my shoulders i should better ask him….

    So yesterday night again i broke down while missing him… Nd asking my self the same question how could he not trust me…because i invested alot in him… So it was 1 am at night… Nd i felt like i want to know the only answer… Nd i calld him nd we talked nd i asked him the question first he said leave ths question thn i said i want to know and he said yes its ur right to know…

    Nd he explained me that he dint have trust issues he was just angry etc….. Nd it was a friendly conversation..

    Now today all day long i was thinking about my yesterday conversation nd unintentionally waiting for his text.. Or what he may b thinking.?..

    How is it possible that i went from move on to thinking about him so much… Nd missing him even though i have moved on frm him…

    What is your thinking about it?

     

     

    #354378
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    Thank you for your comment about my walk.

    I am confused: I thought you broke up with him, but you called him last night.. so when did the break up happen: last night or today?

    I will soon be away from the computer. If you want, please explain to me clearly what you meant when you wrote about two hours ago: “I have broken up with him.. And I’m feeling better”:

    – when did you break up with him?

    – how did you break up with him (what did you say?)

    – what did he say back to you and how did the conversation end?

    Also, what do you mean by “the only question in my mind was why didn’t he trust me???”-

    – he didn’t trust you to do what (or to not do what)?

    I’ll be back in about 12 hours. Take good care of yourself.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #354380
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita..

    I was talking about my previous relationship kn my last post that my ex approached me after long Time nd i was fully okey about it… But suddenly i brokw down nd started missing him…

     

     

    #354384
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    I will be more focused in the morning (about 12 hours from now, my time). I will then read attentively and reply to you. Feel free to add anything that you want to add so that I can understand better.

    anita

    #354440
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    I understand, you shared about a previous relationship: an ex and you lived in the same city some time ago, and you “were so connected and in love with” him, but at one point he didn’t trust you, the two of you were angry at each other,  and you moved to a new city.

    Seven month after that separation/ three weeks ago, he contacted you. Sitting in your balcony most recently, you “broke down while missing him.. I started thinking how much I loved him and how much we enjoyed, laughed.. Did everything together”, and you were upset about the fact that back then he did not trust you (“the only question in my mind was why didn’t he trust me???”)

    Two days ago you watched “Dear Zindagi”, the movie.

    * The movie is about Kaira, living in Mumbai, a promising cinematographer who wishes to direct her own films. At one point she broke up with her childhood sweetheart for a film producer, but he then got engaged to another woman. Her landlord evicted her from her apartment because the building association wants to rent apartments to married couples only. In addition to these events, she was dissatisfied with her work, so she moves out of Mumbai to Goa.

    In Goa, she lives with her parents with whom she has issues. She doesn’t sleep well and is unhappy and uncertain, so she sees a therapist, Dr. Jehangir “jug” Khan, for her insomnia, trying to understand herself. She also meets a musician, Rumi, and falls in love with him, but they break up before anything serious can happen. At home, Kaira has an outburst at a family get-together, where she confronts her parents about them abandoning her for years at her grandparents’ home. She finally tells the story of her abandonment to Jug, who tells her that she fears abandonment so much that she does not allow herself to commit in relationships, leaving before they can leave her.

    Kaira tells Jug that she likes him, and tells her it’s normal for a patient to feel this way for her therapist, and that he likes her too, in a non-romantic way, as his patient, and a relationship will not be possible. The two share a hug before Kaira leaves. At the premier of the short film she finally completes, she meets a furniture designer and life moves on.

    — Back to you, Puppo:  you wrote that in one scene the therapist, Jug, says to Kaira: “Why suffer alone, let the other person know about it”, so you contacted the previous ex the night before and asked him why he didn’t trust you, and he said that it’s not that he didn’t trust you, but that he was “just angry etc.” The next day you’ve been thinking about the conversation of the night before, “unintentionally waiting for his text.. Or what he may bethinking..?”

    You then asked me: “How is it  possible that I went from move on to thinking about him so much.. and missing him even though I have moved on from him.. What is your thinking about it?”

    The answer is in your short post yesterday regarding the recent ex: “I have broken up with him.. And I’m feeling better.. I have no guilt.. But I’m feeling empty in this lock down.. I have nothing to do … Feeling hopeless.. Low energy“-

    – Feeling empty, you  needed something to fill you up; feeling bored, you needed something to engage your mind and heart; feeling hopeless, you needed hope; feeling low energy, you needed a pick up, something to energize you. So, you focused on the previous ex.

    Let’s look at Kaira in the movie: her ex got engaged to another woman, she had to leave her apartment, her work wasn’t going well, so she felt down. What did she do? Move to Goa so to feel better. But she doesn’t feel better at her parents’ home, so she goes to a therapist so to feel better. She feels better but also lonely, so  she gets infatuated with her therapist hoping to feel better in a relationship with him.

    When people are lonely, bored, depressed, hopeless etc., they look for a solution, for something or someone new (or old) to pick them up, to make them feel better,  energized and alive! This is why you started focusing on the previous ex.

    Be aware that it is normal human nature when feeling down, to look for something or someone to make you feel better. Be aware as well that who you contact to feel better is important: do not contact just anyone. Be selective: if you contacted your most recent ex, that would have been a mistake because he would drag you down, not pick you up!

    When you feel down, looking for a solution, so to feel up, it is the time to make wise decisions, to choose a solution that is likely to make you feel better, not a solution that will make you feel worse, and create more of a problem, instead of a solution.

    * I was wondering, did you relate to Kaira in the movie as far as having issues with her parents, particularly being abandoned by your parents in some form?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #354484
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    As u wrote,

    “Be selective: if you contacted your most recent ex, that would have been a mistake because he would drag you down, not pick you up!”

    Ya that could be a mistake nd i felt more miserable.. Because i was unintentionally waiting fr him to reach out to me etc after that conversation… Nd i also know that its not a wise decision for both of us… Because of all family drama…

    Un ur another post you asked me about my study major so that u could recommend me something..so i m going to start Medical Informatics.. Its about IT…

     

    #354486
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

    As u asked,

    was wondering, did you relate to Kaira in the movie as far as having issues with her parents, particularly being abandoned by your parents in some form?

     

    Actually no. I dint relate to her.. But i felt how she must be feeling… Even though i had not a happy childhood, i felt unloved, wished to be dead because no one shows me affection, appreciation, care, love apart from my mom… I was very sensitive… I used to cry alone nd used to pray to God for death in childhood… I was scared from my male cousins, because they never respected me or loved me as a child as we were very poor..

    At age of 11 i was forced to stay home by my cousin because he thought i m now grown up nd shouldn’t go outside… All i have is those harsh memories….

    #354488
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    Your major will be Health Informatics: it’s information engineering applied to the field of health care. It is an interdisciplinary field that includes information science, computer science, social science, behavioral science, management science, and others (Wikipedia).

    What you can easily do to prepare for this major is to start studying social science or behavioral science, which are fields within psychology, the science of behavior and mind. There is a whole lot of material to study in this huge field, and lots is available online for you. You can research the relationship between psychology (people’s patterns of thoughts and feelings) as it relates to their physical health.

    If you do this, you will be preparing for your major.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #354502
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

     

     

    As u asked,

     

    was wondering, did you relate to Kaira in the movie as far as having issues with her parents, particularly being abandoned by your parents in some form?

     

     

     

    Actually no. I dint relate to her.. But i felt how she must be feeling… Even though i had not a happy childhood, i felt unloved, wished to be dead because no one shows me affection, appreciation, care, love apart from my mom… I was very sensitive… I used to cry alone nd used to pray to God for death in childhood… I was scared from my male cousins, because they never respected me or loved me as a child as we were very poor..

     

    At age of 11 i was forced to stay home by my cousin because he thought i m now grown up nd shouldn’t go outside… All i have is those harsh memories….

    #354504
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Puppo:

    Guess what, I can relate to your childhood experience, I too “used to pray to God for death in childhood”. This means your childhood was probably more painful than the fictional character Kaira. I don’t need to know a lot of details about your childhood to know it was terrible. You praying for death is enough of an indication.

    I am so sorry you had such a terrible experience (as bad as mine, I suppose). I wish it was different for you. But you know, you don’t have to suffer for it for the rest of your life. I found ways to not suffer less and less and less. Life can be good for you.

    “Guilty or not?”- you are not guilty for your unfortunate childhood, for having been poor, for having been treated badly by your cousins.. and you are not guilty for the way this recent man in your life treated you.

    It helped me a lot when I finally felt that I am not guilt- there is a lot of freedom in this not-guilty feeling. It feels better than being rich, I am sure of it.

    anita

    #355438
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Puppo?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 40 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.