Handling excess feminine sexual energy

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    The Ruminant

    I wasn’t sure whether to post this into the “Health and Fitness” section or “Emotional Mastery”. I think it is a bit of both, but I’ll approach it now as a problem that is a distraction to everyday life.

    I’m not sure how to handle excess (feminine) sexual energy. There seems to be plenty of advice for men on how to handle it, but not so much for women. I do think that it is different from the male sexual energy (though I obviously have no way of really knowing this). It is not explosive, but more…implosive 🙂 It doesn’t give me the type of energy that would make me want to go out and run (unfortunately). It is quite different from that. More passive, but definitely not lethargic. Expending it through orgasms will just cause it to come back even stronger and more abundantly, and suppressing it doesn’t seem like a very healthy option.

    Sometimes it feels revitalizing, but I have no idea what I’ve done at the times I’ve successfully managed to do that. It’s been purely accidental. Most of the times it’s just a huge distraction and I can’t really focus on anything. There’s just this inner struggle between the logical mind and the sensual desires.

    I have really not paid so much attention to it before and even suppressed it, probably out of shame, but I’m so done with the whole shame thing and would love to be me without any shame or guilt. There is a very good chance that my body actually doesn’t have “too much” sexual energy, but it just feels like too much for me right now, because I don’t have the tools to handle it.

    Surely there must be a way to handle sexual energy and even harness it, so that it would be a blessing and not a curse? Accepting it and not fighting it seems like a good start, but is there something else that could be done?


    Dear TR,

    Well here are my two cents 🙂

    Accepting your inner sensual goddess is indeed the first step. Your desires are a part of you and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The whole idea of “excess female energy” is some over-hyped up media thing. Everyone is different and we need to keep that in mind. Of course, the immediate consequences of your state can be overwhelming at times. You feel distracted, partially ashamed etc. However, this can be an opportunity to get closer to your body and innate psychological needs. The only way to eliminate shame is to become one with your source of shame.

    In case your desires start overwhelming you, i will recommend keeping yourself temporarily distracted by thinking of another issue, getting up and going for a walk or a run. Do something that leaves you tired and lets out that overwhelming physical energy. It could be something as physically demanding as kick-boxing or aerobics or anything really as per your fitness level. Beyond that, take out time for yourself. Go out in nature more, try going out alone sometimes without the company of others. Perhaps treat yourself to a little bit of chocolate and savor that sensation. Try wearing some sensuous inner-wear even on days you dont have special date night and revel in that secret feeling. This is nothing to be ashamed of 🙂 If you do happen to be with someone, perhaps it would be time to try something “new” Trust me, all this can be really enjoyable if taken in the right spirit.

    Have you ever tried a special bath ritual after a stressful time? The one where you could use some essential oil like ylang ylang or lavender. Ylang Ylang is also an aphrodisiac and works by relaxing the user, melting away tension and nerves. Put on some relaxing music, keep a tiny bit of chocolate nearby. Even light some candles if required and then take all the time you need.



    Sometimes when we start waking up our body (especially parts that were suppressed by shame and avoidance and whatnot) we become unbalanced. A feeling of too much sexual energy means perhaps you’re a little bottom heavy. Consider simply accepting your feelings, and spend a little time exploring your gratitude for the beauty in and around you.

    Said differently, sometimes we get a craving, an itch. To deaden the itch, we can spend time envisioning, contemplating and resting with death, decay, disease and so forth. Seeing internal organs, for instance, does some helpful things in stilling sensual craving. Much like smelling rotten chicken stops our strong desires to eat for comfort. However, when we are hungry, the body resurges with the need once the chicken is away. That’s when we know its time to find a nourishing meal.

    With sex, its similar. Sometimes we get visions of beauty and wonder of the wand and challis meeting, grinding and so forth. However, we wish to stay away from junk food, or using the sexual energy in an unproductive way. So, instead of getting lost in it, getting sucked down into the root chakra, we can open up the crown and give the energy back, breathe it out back into the cosmos. Gratitude does this, helps move our body toward balance, toward humility and stability. Then, yes, we can accept that sex is a driving force for us, but rest patiently while we wait to connect with someone or ourselves in a way that keeps the balance, rather than building restlessness until satisfaction.

    For the cultivation of gratitude, consider how amazing it is to be in a body as complex, harmonious, and unified as it is. At the physical level, cells and particles circle throughout your body with consistency… heart beating, O2 exchange, digestions, homeostatic mechanisms… what a symphony! At the environmental scale, consider that if the laws of physics weren’t in an incredibly precise harmony, the universe would have collapsed, or burst apart right after creation. What a blessing! At the “life” scale, consider that your journey has been littered with teachers and students, friends, strangers and family… all stumbling and trying their best to find light, love, safety, happiness. You have been taught a million lessons, both through instruction and example. You have taught a million lessons, both through instruction and example. The Ruminant is not an island, alone, strong, resistant to a harsh environment. Rather, she is a blessing of a woman, giving and receiving energy all the time, dancing and singing her way. What a blessing!

    This let’s that excess energy move up through the body, rather than pull all our attention downward toward the chest and groin. Said differently, when we have a thick gratitude, the thickness of our sexual energy doesn’t produce restlessness… just fertility. Tide comes in, tide goes out… and there is TR, smiling, breathing.

    Namaste, may your ripples be gentle waves.

    With warmth,


    Thanks Jess and Matt.

    Hi The Ruminant

    I had to meditate on this issue for a little while to figure out a response, which may resonate with you. I will provide an answer based on my spiritual knowledge.

    I am so glad that you have defeated your guilt (and shame if you feel it that way) and shared your concerns openly. There is nothing wrong in having excess of energy as long as it is not causing you grief or emotional stress. However, in your case, it may be and you would like to deal with this energy in a better way. This is a great achievement for you as your inner being realises that humans are much more spiritually advanced than animals.

    According to my learning, each human being is composed of an equal masculine and feminine energy. When each energy is balanced like yin and yang, life is good and filled with contentment. Needs and desires are met in a balanced way and there are no physical /mental /emotional ailments. When one of the energy is imbalanced (regardless of high or low), it starts to create havoc in our body at some level. This is where chakra healing or reiki or energy healing come to play. We can’t see this energy or chakras but someone who can read auras will be able to diagnose as to which energy centre or chakra is imbalanced. Often, in my experience, most people have imbalance of first, second and third chakra. These bottom 3 chakras determine our survivability on this planet. With the help of a spiritual teacher, we can access higher chakras and evolve as a spiritual being in a true sense.

    According to my spiritual knowledge, feminine energy imbalance can occur when a woman feels repressed, suppressed, not loved, cheated, harbouring guilt or shame of some sort. It can also occur in beings who have been sexually abused or in women who have unresolved issues with their mothers or mother like figures (such as earth).

    All the suggestions given above by @tsuki and @amatt are excellent. I would like to add one more suggestion to it if you would be kind enough to try it for a few days. Attached is a link of meditation for 2nd chakra. You don’t need to do anything except for close your eyes when the singing bowls make noise and focus on your sacral chakra. Send healing and loving white light to it. Over some days, you should feel a positive change. You may even feel the difference after first session. It it works, you can try the tune up chakra meditation by the same guy on his you tube channel or do individual chakra meditations. The other options are to see a energy healer or a Chinese acupuncturist (they are good at regulating the flow of qi, energy).

    My teacher told me that when feminine energy is imbalanced, it is usually a sign to suggest that there is a spiritual awakening occurring. Like Matt said, let the energy flow upwards rather than below the navel. That way, you will keep progressing on your spiritual journey and not get sucked back into what an ordinary person might be indulging in to get on top of usual desires.

    If spiritual path is not what you seek, then ignore above. There is nothing to be shameful about having excessive energy. Enjoy every experience on this earth with an open heart. You are still as awesome as ever 🙂


    The Ruminant

    Thank you all for taking the time to address my concern. Right now my mind has shifted a bit (as always), and my thoughts are elsewhere, but when things calm down a bit and I have time for myself, I will hopefully take the time to work on balancing my energy. As usual, I tend to wake up to these things only after it’s “too late”, and things become more pressing. But at least now I have some ideas on how to work on it.

    Thank you.


    Hey Ruminant,

    Everyone else has given really great chakra/energy/spiritual type suggestions, and you seem happy with that, so maybe my more down to earth suggestion isn’t needed. But I’m a down to earth type of person, and this seems like a down to earth kind of problem, so I’ll offer it anyway. For clarity, I’m biologically female, although my gender identity is, uh, in flux, I’ll say. But I got the bits you got, and sister, I feel ya. This is my advice.

    Have a wank.

    OK, I know you say that having orgasms just seems to bring it back stronger. I used to think that too, until I tried, on the suggestion of a rather wonderful young man, to NOT have orgasms for a while. That makes it worse. Trust me. If you got these urges, they’ll want to come out one way or another, and it’s better to give them the space.

    I would suggest taking the time every day (or more if you need to) to fantasise, touch yourself, and really make yourself feel good. When I say have a wank, I don’t mean just that. I mean dress up, take the time, touch yourself all over, kiss your own skin, let the energy build. This energy is yours. It’s what you have, and great going showing shame the door, by the way. But it seems like you’re saying: “OK, I know I don’t have to be ashamed of it, but it really is kind of in my way here.”

    It’s not in your way. It is you.

    Of course I understand you probably can’t afford to lounge around all day in fancy underoos snuggled up with a hitachi (though how awesome is THAT for a lazy Sunday plan?) and I know how exhausting and distracting it can be to feel that kind of hunger all the time. But trying to control it isn’t going to help. It’s a part of you that, for whatever reason, needs some attention. I think if you spend some time with it, real, quality time without trying to control it or figure it out, the urgency will die down and you’ll find a comfortable and pleasurable way to be with yourself.

    Yes, you can harnass this energy. When you do, it turns into pleasure. What could be better?

    The Ruminant

    Thanks, Will 🙂 I do appreciate the down to earth advice, I really do. And I think you are right with your observation “I’m not ashamed of it, but it is in my way”.

    I am the kind of person who is much more comfortable with the abstract and gets a bit perplexed with the physical world. I have a tendency to intellectualize things, and not just experience them. I observe and analyze and think, think, think… There’s a socially conditioned shame attached to sexuality, but I also have a personal kind of shame attached to it. Or perhaps it’s not shame, but more of a confusion. To let go of the thinking part and get swept away by the feeling part is a bit scary and weird to me. So I do understand and appreciate the idea of truly enjoying the physical sensations. To not attempt control it, but to embrace it.


    I’m glad that was of some use. 🙂 Good luck.

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