Currently, I am in a state of mind, where nothing looks good, whenever I think of my future, I become more depressed. My parents sat with me a day before and were helping me out as to what I would like to do in my life now.
Frankly speaking, I want to do something in my life, become something and make my life worth it. But I am so much depressed, I don’t know if I’d be able to do that. I just feel I’ll make yet another failure.
There are some plans my parents discussed with me for my future:
1. Moving abroad – I always wanted to study and work and settle abroad (USA/Canada). But I have already completed my MBA here in India and working since 2 years. I don’t know on what basis do I go there, if I go for yet another Masters and then search for job, that’ll take a long time, and a lot of money. I don’t even know if I’ll get a job after Masters there. What if I don’t get admission abroad? What if I don’t get proper job there after studies? What if I am not able to adapt to another country? What if all my money goes in vain?

2. Moving to another city for Job here in India – that’ll give me a change of environment, make me independent. But then again, it will be same living in this country. After some years, I have to meet someone in arranged marriage and marry him. I freak out by this thought itself. What if I just meet someone mediocre and have to marry him? What if I don’t get a proper guy and have to settle for less?

3. Opting for another course in Media – If I pursue for exams and opt for another course, that will yet be more time consuming as I have to prepare for exams, and then go for the course and then start from scratch for job. This is also scary, as I will have to be back to zero, where I started after my bachelors.

I am so much scared and depressed, that I have wasted some most precious years of my life, which was the right time to move abroad or do something to make my life. Now, I am left with nothing. Nothing seems good, and my future seems bleak.
I have this constant fear that my life will be another failure throughout, that I will have to settle for mediocre things in life. I am so scared to go after my dreams of moving abroad or something that I don’t even want to try.

I just fear I am not good enough for anything. I will fail in whatever I take up. I was never that good in academics. Yesterday, I was feeling suicidal as all I could see was this darkness in my life and future. I don’t feel like doing anything. The thing is, I actually am not willing to do anything, as I know I will fail in everything I do. My life is full of darkness I feel. I will live like this, marry some man and settle, and die. I just don’t know how to come out of this. Meaningless life it has become.
I don’t even know what I really want to do and achieve in my life.

Also, Thanks VJ – for sharing a perspective from a different angle that of Indian male. I always thought I was at blame for not accepting their demands head on and to have spoken up.
But somewhere inside me, I feel everything kept aside, he was also with me since 7 years, and he should have at least spoken with me regarding this. Or to the least, stood up for his love (if it really was I doubt now), to his parents. I never wanted to him to run away with me from home because I know not to hurt anyone’s parents, but there were definitely ways it could have been possible, would have taken more time convincing them, but if he was as in love and adamant as me, then it would have.
But the only fact that he did not gives away all the 7 years. I wonder if it was truly love or an infatuation dragged for 7 years (given his unstable and indecisive mind). Or that he is really that emotionally immature to not see what he really wants in love.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Niki.

Anita & VJ, thanks for your inputs.. I know he was not a right man for me. But now, the only thing I want to think is about my career and development. Relationship and marriage is off limits now.. I want to make up for all the years I have wasted pleasing him and sacrificing my career and goals.
I want to move abroad for work, but I don’t know how would I do that, given that I already have completed my masters(mba) and am working since 2 years..I really don’t know it would be very difficult to move abroad (USA) now. Also, I am very frustrated with the fact that I could have made a wonderful life had I not sacrificed so much in the past. Because I now see so many of my cousins and friends settling down with wonderful guys and also move abroad, some have already established careers there.. For me, all this seems so much difficult and near to impossible now.

I really don’t know what life has in store for me except regrets. I regret my past so much. I could have had an established career in US had I not given up on my dream to move there before 4 years. Life basically sucks right now..

Hi, I am writing after a long time. There has been a lot of things that have happened, I am in a better state now.

In these 3 months post, I have been through hell, going into depression with extreme anxiety and still fighting it. Been to therapist, took sessions and therapy still could not come out of it. Later on, I was sent to psychiatrist for clinical depression, and right now I am on medications for depression.

And, the man is back in my life to wreak more havoc. His father called my uncle and asked to reconsider as their son is in bad health and not able to move on. He called me and asked for reconciliation, but terms are still the same – that I would quit my job after marriage and not work.

I have to take a decision now, but now that I have been through so much, knowing he did not care for me these 3 months I was struggling with life, and still wants me back on their own terms, I am not able to take up any decision. He also told me that he loves me, wants to marry me and also said that all the sacrifices that I had made in past for our relationship, he did not stop me but he also did not motivate me to make those sacrifices. This hurts a lot, that after doing so much, I do not get any acknowledgement whatsoever.

Yes, I am still in love with him, but also I am sacred for my future now. I have taken baby steps and started loving and respecting myself a little now. I still do not know what will my future hold, but I also have lost faith in him that he will stand by me or support me in future if things go wrong. I am so much drained I do not even feel like thinking anything right now. I don’t what what will happen in future, or what is in hold, but now I know I want what is good for me.

I have asked for time from his side. I am so much drained that I do not know what to do. I want your suggestions and guidance on the same. Please Help…