April 14, 2020 at 2:00 pm #349526
Emotional pain is physical pain, there really is nothing that we experience in life that is not physical.
“I just like to be comfortable with my own company and to find my own self worth”- because we are social animals, born social, we can’t really find our worth if we don’t have interactions with other people where we feel that we make a positive difference.
I suppose you used to try to make a positive difference in your ex’s mother’s life, and now you don’t have that opportunity. You tried to make a positive difference in your ex’s life, and you don’t have that opportunity anymore. Then there is your son: are you making a positive difference in his life?
April 16, 2020 at 2:10 pm #349908
- This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
My son is finding life hard Lockdown hard as missing his Dad and lost his Nan I hope he sees me as a positive role model but I’m finding life very hard I feel the way I have treated is disgusting and this family I loved and did so much for have changed so much towards me in heartbroken
I don’t know where to start rebuilding
Money has changed this family so worried I might want a claim on mum in laws inheritance omg really there welcome it all won’t make them happyApril 16, 2020 at 2:37 pm #349910
A far as your ex’s mother’s money, I assume your son, who is your ex’s only son, will benefit from this money, even if you don’t. That’s a positive, isn’t it?
Who is worried that you will try to claim his mother’s inheritance (I thought you don’t have legal rights to her money, especially since you were not married to your ex, and where you live you don’t have rights that a married woman would)?
anitaApril 17, 2020 at 9:19 am #350060
True my son my benefit who knows I’ve been frozen out
As mum in law has dementia I became her legal guardian as she had dementia and I did all her banking paperwork she had no will so the family needed all information to deal with her estate
For last 10 years I’ve done it all they were happy for mr too now they want me off and not able see if do anything as me and ex are separated they way they talk to me see me has changed them towards me
This devesate s me I loved them all and did everything for them what a difference few months can makeApril 17, 2020 at 9:30 am #350062
It’s good that there is something positive in all this, at least your son will benefit from what his grandmother left behind.
What you are saying is that you were trusted to be this woman’s legal guardian by her family, and following years of that and taking care of her (and her husband) for years otherwise, your ex and his siblings pay you no attention and no respect whatsoever. And so, all your work caring for your ex’s parents, are unacknowledged and unappreciated, correct?
* Do you think things would have been different if you married your ex sometime during the quarter century you lived with him? I ask because in a traditional society, people take a relationship more seriously if it is a marriage vs. living together.
April 17, 2020 at 1:27 pm #350100
- This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
Not 100% my son will benefit we will see
Yes your correct the family were happy for me to be legal guardian for both mum and dad until now when an inheritance comes in its all seams to change
No I don’t believe is living together was an issue we have a son I feel that was more of an commitment than anything
Me ex and both sister’s are not married all live with partnersApril 17, 2020 at 2:18 pm #350112
Your story then is a testimony as to why we people should legal-proof our lives best we can so to see to it that we don’t invest years of time and resources and then end up not enjoying the fruits of our labors. For example, if you arranged with your ex’s parents (who are not your parents in law, as you refer to them, because there has been no legal anything), to be legally entitled to some inheritance, then you would now benefit from some of your hard labor of years.
If there is any possible legal remedy for your situation, seek it, I say.
anitaApril 18, 2020 at 10:15 am #350216
I don’t want a penny of it they are welcome to it won’t bring them happiness
I need concentrate on being kind to myself just not sure how to do that right nowApril 18, 2020 at 10:55 am #350234
“I need to concentrate on being kind to myself, just not sure how to do that right now:
1. Eat nutritional food in moderate quantities, drink plenty of water.
2. Exercise daily, a 30 minutes fast walking is an excellent way to get aerobic exercise.
3. Choose what if any communication you will have with your ex partner.
4. Try mindful guided meditations, such as Mark William’s series.
5. Try a gentle yoga practice, maybe a good you tube is available for you.
6. Try to accept your post- relationship life situation as your new reality, take deep breaths as you think of this new reality, take it in, don’t resist it.
7. Discover something new for you, some new interest.
anitaApril 18, 2020 at 12:27 pm #350290
Thanks Anita yes I’m going to. 1 and 2 I’m there 3 after mum in law funeral decided to have no contact unless about our son 4 I have a counsellor and she’s showing me some mindfulness tecniquics 5 need be careful due back injury but I have started Pilates and will continue after lockdown
6 is very hard I have no regrets my 27 years was mostly good and I have my wonderful son I’m just finding hard to accept its over I love this man so much but he’s moved on so must I feels like I’m giving up on him but I guess he gave up on me
7 after lockdown will try
I’m determined to think positive and try and start living my best lifeApril 18, 2020 at 12:58 pm #350312
You are welcome.
“I feel like I’m giving up on him, but I guess he gave up on me”- you didn’t accept yet the reality that he indeed gave up on you. Not accepting this reality, you think that.. if you accept the reality that he is no longer with you, you will be the one giving up on him!
You posted many times about not accepting this new, post-relationship reality, but you didn’t write much about how you feel about it. You wrote that you are heart broken but you didn’t elaborate on it. I suggest that you do elaborate next on how it feels to be heart broken. Use words to express yourself, it may he the thing to do for the purpose of accepting your new reality.
anitaApril 19, 2020 at 1:02 am #350468
For me heartbroken a my state I feel I like I miss this man with all my being I miss him being home. Chatting. And just chilling I miss him checking in on me I miss my family unit 3 of us these feeling are what makes me feel heartbroken
I feel so sad it hurts I cry and can sleep. Can’t say and my mind is all consumed with him. What’s he doing. Sphere genus. Who’s he talking too.
It’s overwhelmingApril 19, 2020 at 8:07 am #350492
Your feelings of sadness, of longing, of hurt.. these need to be expressed more. If not in words (you are not a woman of many words), then in some other way, or ways: Expressive Therapy is about using the creative arts (drawing, painting, collage, clay, music, movement/dancing, drama) as a form of expression and healing.
Unlike traditional arts, that require skill and talent, and that emphasize performing in front of an audience, or exhibiting art to an audience, expressive/ art therapy is not about performing to an audience, or about a final product to be exhibited in a museum. And you don’t have to be skilled or talented. Expressive/ Art Therapy is about.. expressing our emotions so to heal and to maintain your health.
in a website: innerself. com/ content/ personal/ happiness-and-self-help/ counselling/ 4130-express-your-emotions-through-art. html, a Lucia Capacchione, PhD., ATR, an art therapist, writes that the Latin roots of the word emotion are: e (out) + movere (move). Feelings either move naturally, like a river, or get blocked. It is the nature of emotions to move.
If our emotions naturally move, we feel alive; if they are blocked, we feed like life is hardly worth living. When emotions are blocked, because their nature is to move, they keep moving in that blocked context, creating stress disorders and illnesses.
And so, CB, find your art medium, maybe painting, or collage, and/ or dancing to music.. find your medium and express your emotions!
anitaApril 19, 2020 at 4:17 pm #350532ChrisParticipant
I am having a similar problem. I have been with my husband for 32 years we met at 18 & 19 and are now both 50. We have a 15yo and 10yo. In the middle of March one night in bed he told me he was not happy. He had been talking with a woman from work for a few months (she is also married) and had an emotional affair. I said we should go to counseling and he agreed. It has been several weeks of 2 90 minute couples therapy sessions and he still feels empty and disconnected from me. He told me he has been pretending for years but can’t anymore. I was shocked. I was initially hopefully we could reconnect but today he said he feels apathy so not sure there is coming back from that.May 1, 2020 at 3:07 pm #352530
I hope you are okay, CB.
*Chris: I just came across your post for the first time. If you are reading this, will you start your own thread? Click Forums at the top, scroll down to Relationships, click that, scroll down and type in the empty boxes (title and body of text).