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Help! Getting stuff back from ex bf

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 days, 4 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #179019

    Connie
    Participant

    I am really out of ideas and don’t know what to do.

    My current ex and I broke up five months ago. We lived together so I left a lot of personal belongings at the apartment we lived in. I was overseas when the breakup happened, so I couldn’t have my stuff back. We communicated a couple of times after the breakup regarding my possession. Both times he agreed to safe-keep until I tell him what to do.

    Last Sunday I finally came back and emailed him to let him know I would like to pick up my stuff. He didn’t reply so I sent him another email telling him that I didn’t intend to create drama and will send my friend to pick up so he won’t even have to see me again.

    Still, I haven’t got any reply yet. I know it has only been three days and maybe I should wait longer? It just makes me wonder why he chose to ignore my emails. I am pretty sure he checks his emails every day, at least that’s what he used to do…

    I tried calling him but I have got a new number which he doesn’t recognize, he didn’t pick it up. I am not sure if I should text him since I don’t really feel comfortable keeping in touch with him to be honest.

    Any suggestions?

    #179099

    Inky
    Participant

    If the stuff is super expensive ($10,000 armoire) or super important (original birth certificate) I would send a certified letter. Then he cannot claim he never received it. This also alerts him that you are not someone to mess around with.

    A lot of times ex’s use the “stuff” as a point of contact. Once the “stuff” is gone, there is no more need for contact.

    If the stuff is just “stuff” (books, old clothes, house plants) I would call it a loss and move on with your life.

    Eventually he will have to decide what to do with the stuff and he will be confronted with his passive non-decision and will probably ship it back to you, unless it’s things like salt and pepper shakers, etc.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    #179107

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    His lack of response, assuming he received your communication, is not surprising when considering what you shared about him before, on a previous thread: “During the course of our relationship, I caught him lying many times, oftentimes including lies that’s not important or relevant to our relationship… Eventually I lost count of how many times he lied to me…. I feel fooled with all the time, energy and emotions invested in the relationship.”

    You shared on a  previous thread, if  I remember correctly, that he promised you to keep your stuff for you, I think he said something like “always here for you” when you asked regarding your stuff.

    My suggestion: accept the possibility that you will not get your stuff back. I hope you will get  it, but how can you trust a man who lied to you as often as he did.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by  anita.
    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by  anita.
    #179141

    Connie
    Participant

    Hello

    Thanks for the feedback.

    I am just surprised that he went totally silent regarding this matter. He was quite responsive about it two months ago.

    I have no idea whether he still keeps my stuff or not. I think I am kinda sad, for the possible loss of my possessions and for how things have developed to this day.

     

    #179183

    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Hi Connie,

    From my own experience, you need to stop wondering why he is doing this, why he is doing that.. it’ll drive you insane!
    People like to retreat when things don’t quite go the way they’d planned, & sometimes are unable to communicate their feelings, so ignoring them seems the best way for them. He’s just lost a girl that he could cheat on, lie to numerous times & by the sounds of things do whatever he likes – have his cake & eat it – he’s lost that now.

    Try not to think about what he might be thinking & why, because he isn’t communicating so you will never know. Like the others have said, the possessions are a way of keeping in contact with you, by stringing it out. Also, like the others have said, if it’s stuff you know longer need leave it & allow this to be your cut off, he treated you bad, why do you feel the need to continue chasing? I feel like you’re trying to keep the channels open, if you really wanted your stuff you could send a friend round to get it at any point, you could give him a time of when they’re coming & go. If he isn’t in, keep trying?

    #179193

    anita
    Participant

    Dear  Connie:

    You wrote that you are surprised he did not respond to you, that he “went silent”, but if you read your own posts on your previous threads, as  I did, you will see that there were many times he didn’t respond to you. There were many times he went  silent. So this is not an exception.

    If and when he does respond to you, eventually, on this matter, keep in mind his past behavior and keep yourself grounded in reality (and not get caught up in make-believe thinking and the … very temporary happiness that such brings).

    I hope you do heal and recover.

    anita

    #179203

    Connie
    Participant

    Hello anita

    thanks for your feedback.

    I actually had my friend contact him by text and also emailed him to let him know he could arrange the pickup with my friend directly. He still ignored her text. So I sent him another email telling him to arrange the pick up before certain time for my friend. He ignored that too.

    I did want to keep the channel open only for retrieving my stuff. I had no intention to rekindle whatsoever. But he probably doesn’t see it that way.

    I have to confess I am quite emotional in this case because he promised me to take care of my stuff and now what he has been doing doesn’t make any sense.

    I stopped by his place today but he wouldn’t meet me nor talk to me. I guess the only I can do is to let go.

    #179207

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    On September 6, you wrote: “I had to contact my ex yesterday regarding  my  personal stuff left in his house. I asked  if it’d  be ok to safe keep it before I  settle again. His response was ‘anything you need, as always.”

    You wrote above, a few minutes ago: “he promised me to take care  of my stuff  and now what he has been doing doesn’t make  sense”-

    Here is a possibility of what is happening, what makes  sense: your ex boyfriend doesn’t keep his promises. Some people do not keep their promises.

    Are you aware that there are people in our world who do not keep their promises? Is it  possible that you were involved  with one  of  these people, who do not keep their promises?

    anita

     

    #179247

    Connie
    Participant

    I guess I am still in shock.

    I know there are people who are liars and don’t keep their promises. I just can’t believe I met one who happened to be my ex boyfriend.

    Its so disappointing and sad. I mean why on earth did he have to treat me like this? I am sorry, I am still angry. I just need to vent.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 2 days ago by  Connie.
    #179295

    anita
    Participant

    Dear  Connie:

    You can continue to vent if you’d  like, here  on your thread, again and a gain.

    If you want to investigate more, I have a question regarding what you wrote here: “I mean why on earth did he have  to treat me  like this?”-

    did a parent treat you like he did, similar in some way to his way, lying, not keeping promisses, ignoring you, and so on?

    anita

     

    #179429

    Connie
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>i think the main reason I am still struggling is I haven’t let go of him and still have some hope of getting back together.</p>
    He emailed me back yesterday telling me he still has my stuff in the storage.

    I have done something that made the whole situation worse. I basically ruined our last chance of reconciliation.

    Still I can’t control myself and do things without much thinking.

     

    #179439

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    What are you referring to in the sentence: “I have done something that made  the  whole  situation worse”?

    anita

    #181031

    Connie
    Participant

    Hello Anita

    i was silent because I didn’t want to talk about this and sink myself in this thought of hating him.

    A bit update:

    two weeks ago he responded to my emails and said he would be available to drop off my stuff within a week. I have been waiting and haven’t heard anything back from him. I emailed him to let him know he could drop off my stuff at my friends house which is only 20 blocks away, along with my friend’s phone number. Up to this day we still haven’t heard anything from him.

    I started to realize that he just didn’t even care anymore. How could this ever happen to me? Why can’t he just be responsive and put in a slight effort to contact my friend regarding the drop off? I need my stuff back so badly. I even tried being friendly with him and tell him it’d be nice just to have a final closure by getting my stuff back for good.

    His ignorance is really disappointing. Regardless of what happened between us, it doesn’t make any sense to hold on my stuff like this, especially when I really need them.

    #181041

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    We brought up the possibility long ago that his silent treatment at the time was his way of punishing you, didn’t we? It may be that  he is  angry with you, still, and is punishing you, still, and this  is his reason of why he won’t return your stuff to you.

    Too bad. I wish you had your stuff back. If  I was him, I would have  returned your stuff on the first day possible, ASAP. Long ago, that is.

    anita

    #182079

    Connie
    Participant

    Hello Anita

    Since the weather had been getting colder and colder everyday, I texted him telling him I’d appreciate if he could drop my stuff (mostly my winter clothes) as soon as possible.

    He then contacted my friend and said he didn’t want me to be cold if I had no other clothes. He dropped the stuff at the gate of my friend’s house and just drive away when he saw my friend. He didn’t say anything. We didn’t have the chance to let him know immediately that that was not everything. But I figured that’s enough since the rest of the stuff wasn’t worth the hassle (contacting him and asking him to drop more stuff).

     

    infelt kinda sad when I knew he’s gonna drop my stuff with my friend. But I have taken it quite well to be honest. I can finally move on and leave the rest behind. It gives me peace.

    • This reply was modified 3 days, 8 hours ago by  Connie.
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