This is long, but feel that I need to provide as much as possible.
On March 16, 2011 I ended a 14 year marriage and was probably the happiest I had been in a very long time. It had taken me 4 years to get up the courage to end it. I was so afraid of being alone. I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends growing up and really didn’t consider myself attractive at all. For a couple months after the divorce I started talking to an old friend whom I hadn’t seen or talked to for at least 25 years. He confided in me that his marriage was also ending. We found that we enjoyed talking to each other and after he was officially divorced we went out a couple of times. He was very serious about us. Said I was the one and that he was finally happy for the first time in a long time. And so was I. He was the COMPLETE opposite of my ex-husband. He was outgoing, funny, liked to go out and have fun, wild, and showed me attention. I was over the moon. We fell in love and had talked about future plans. We went on trips together (which he mostly paid for) and had a lot of fun times with friends. Within about 6 months though he started becoming distant and said that it was just a lot of stuff going on with his business and he was stressed. I gave him space (seemed I was doing that a lot). After a couple of months he did a 360 and was the person I fell in love with….and I had hope that we were going to be OK. I backed off and didn’t ask questions, didn’t say what was bothering me for fear that it would drive him away. On Valentine’s Day he sent me 2 dozen roses with a note that said “you are the love of my live and I can’t wait to spend it with you”…. a week later he broke up. I was confused and devastated. His reasoning was that he couldn’t do a relationship right now and needed to focus on his work and his daughter. For a month I was a mess. Every day did get better yes…but the pain was still lingering. I tried to let him go and come to accept he was gone. I had decided that I couldn’t be friends because it was too painful. I started dating someone after about a month and it was not the right person. He also started dating…and I was livid mad. How could he say he didn’t want a relationship and now he’s seeing someone. After 2 1/2 months he sent me a text message saying he was very sorry for being so selfish and an asshole. I replied and we talked for most of the day over text and the phone because he was out of town on business. He asked if we could get back together. I was reluctant because I was still hurt but I didn’t listen to my reasonings (or my friends) and we started seeing each other again. I had made it known what I expected and wanted in this relationship. And he made all the promises and said all the right things. This time he asked me to move in with him. Wanted to wait for a couple of months in order to prepare his daughter for me being around (she was 15 at the time). I was so happy again that I didn’t have to be out there dating and dealing with all of that. Things were really good for the first 2 to 3 months and then he started reverting back to how he was before. Distant, not talking, lack of affection, treating me like I wasn’t important, always acting like he was the one that mattered….the list goes on. Yet I didn’t speak up and say anything because I was fearful he would just say “if you don’t like it then just leave”. So I held all my feelings inside. Which made my days constant madness with all the overthinking and analyzing what to do. He had a yo-yo affect going on. For a month he’d be like this and then he’d apologize and say that he was sorry and to hang in there with him…that he loved me and he was trying. Then go right back to wanting space and making me feel like he really didn’t want me around. I always felt like I was tagging along when we were together. Bringing up the discussion about moving in together was up to him and on a couple of occasions even said lets plan it….then of course a couple weeks later he’d claim his daughter wasn’t ready for it. Even though we got along great. He is a very selfish person, and I knew that going in to this again. I thought he loved me enough to want it to work. For the past 2 1/2 months things had been really tense between us. It was to the point that we didn’t see each other for a week and may do something once during a weekend if he didn’t have his daughter. I was so frustrated but still holding on to hope. We went to Florida for a family trip…and I had never felt so alone on a vacation as I did this time. We got back on a Saturday evening. We didn’t see each other Sunday or Monday (I was trying to give him space since we had just spent a week together) and on Tuesday afternoon he called me at work and said he didn’t think it was going to work out between us. I asked why. He said he has a good time hanging out with me and doing things but his excuses were that we were going in two different directions with our lives, that we didn’t have much in common, and that I was “different” because I’ve never had children and I couldn’t relate to him and what he needed to do for his daughter. It was all such crap! He wasn’t going to discuss anything because he had made a decision and that was the end of it. I asked questions and he kept getting mad. He asked me to get what things I had at his house by the end of the day. Said he hoped we could remain friends….I said that I couldn’t right now because I was in love with him and had hoped for a future. And now I don’t have that. I went over to his house that afternoon and got all of my stuff. He wasn’t even there and the only living thing I was able to say goodbye to was his dog…whom I loved dearly. I’m constantly in a state of asking all the “what if’s” right now. But I logically know that no matter what I did or didn’t do it wouldn’t have changed the fact that he doesn’t want a serious relationship and most likely never will. I keep thinking he will start seeing someone soon and want to change for them. I am heartbroken. I miss him everyday (even with all the crap I put up with) and want to know if he misses me too. I’m writing in journals so much to get the thoughts out so I can think it out and calm my mind. I understand this is part of the healing process and I have to go thru it in order to move forward. But dealing with the fact he is no longer in my life is so hard. Because I didn’t get to see him and talk about it…I feel like I didn’t really get to say goodbye and I can’t have closure. Thank you for reading this…if you made it all the way to the end….thank you.

• This topic was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by Kim.