How can I get rid of ...?

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This topic has 33 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by popi.

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August 13, 2014 at 5:33 am #63271
popi
Participant
I’ve tried meditation, if you mean yoga poses,but i never thought if for medidate my mind.
i did it for my body and helped me very very much..i did it instead of an exercise.then i gave up.
i’m not a person who loves exercising and i have to improve that skill.
I will try all of these,cause all i want is to be happy.
happy…to live a happy life.no more worries,i can’t stand.
Thank YOU.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by popi.
August 13, 2014 at 6:21 am #63273

Matt
Participant

Popi,

If you’re looking for some meditation help, consider a local Buddhist sangha. They often have low cost or free classes, as well as group meditation. All good stuff.

Popi, it sounds to me like this push toward FB is you trying to find something in yourself that you’re missing. Consider, perhaps when you were close with him, you felt like a princess. Now, when you feel lonely, perhaps the ache for FB is the ache for yourself, that feeling of being a princess again. So when he posts “I love…” you imagine yourself as that object of his love. When he posts “I miss…” you imagine yourself as that object of his longing. As though he gives you that feeling.

But Popi, dear sister, he doesn’t give you anything. That feeling inside yourself is yours… you’re only stuck letting him inspire it, falsely thinking that its a prince that makes the princess royal. This is false. You were born royal, have always been royal, and can’t be anything but royal… no one can give or take that from you. Said differently, when you wash the dishes, it is a princess washing dishes with a quiet mind. When you are doing laundry, it is a princess doing laundry with a quiet mind. When you are checking FB, it is a princess checking FB with a busy mind. Busy looking for him, the feeling, the knowing that you’re a princess… perhaps scared, mad, sad, that he’s not helping you see that anymore. Its OK though, just head to the mirror, sister, and there you are! Perhaps you’ve just been a little too busy looking everywhere for someone to give you your crown to notice its been on your head the whole time!

With warmth,
Matt

August 13, 2014 at 6:31 am #63274

popi
Participant

HAHA..Matt i understand what you’re saying…..this is lost self-confidence,or never found.
maybe i never had that.It’s time to find confidence.

August 13, 2014 at 1:05 pm #63300
popi
Participant
I’m happier than before but not excited.
I achieved 2 of 4 goals today ,exercising and eat healthy.
Although I visited his profile and I hadn’t study (only a couple of pages).
Yes baby stapes are better than nothing.
But I need support! I guess from myself!?
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by popi.
August 13, 2014 at 1:13 pm #63302

popi
Participant

Steps * *.
It doesn’t allow me to edit twice.
Cause I made a mistake before and I didn’t see the other one.

August 13, 2014 at 1:19 pm #63303

Matt
Participant

“But I need support! I guess from myself?”

You guessed right! Such as, smile at two goals done, not frown over two goals missed. We all miss at times. 🙂

August 13, 2014 at 1:24 pm #63304

popi
Participant

Thank you for your kind words.
You gave me so much strength and I forgot to thank you before. I loved the metaphors with the crown and the princess… even if it’s not true, its very kind to hear. it warms up your soul.

Thanks to all of you guys for the support.
I’ll keep trying everyday.

August 13, 2014 at 2:38 pm #63307

Matt
Participant

Popi,

You’re welcome! Yeah, the metaphor is just a metaphor, but its the heartsong, the attitude behind it that is true. I can see your crown clearly, can’t you?

Without metaphor, perhaps “what i see is your self-confidence is right there, obscured by your fear that you don’t have any self-confidence.” But that is boring to say, and perhaps boring to hear… too dry. We get so wrapped up in “ohmeohmy” sometimes, that we forget to play, to dream. 🙂

And, that’s wasn’t strength I gave you, dear princess, just a reflection of yourself. Said differently, perhaps you’re feeling your own strength from seeing yourself a little better. Fears sometimes make our eyes squinty. 😛

With warmth,
Matt

August 13, 2014 at 2:45 pm #63308
popi
Participant
So….I’m gonna play. 😉
And thanks again.whatever you gave me.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by popi.
August 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm #63377

popi
Participant

0 of 4,today it’s fail..I hope tommorow will be better.

August 14, 2014 at 3:13 pm #63385

Kelsi
Participant

Hi Popi,

I use to have this problem with an ex of mine back in high school. I had a nasty habit of checking his Facebook profile, seeing if there were any statuses that might be hinted towards me, if he had a new girl in his life. I also texted him once and awhile “asking him questions”, or telling him I saw something that reminded me of him…anything to get a response from him. But it only went so far considering he had no interest in keeping the conversation going. It hurt. I had to accept that he was moving on.

And it hurt even more when I saw his relationship status changed to “In a relationship with ‘so-and-so'” a few months after we broke up. I would check up on his Facebook probably more so when I became aware of this fact.

It just wasn’t healthy for me. I suffered because of it, and I can empathize with you. But darling, I promise it gets better if you allow yourself to get over him. You can definitely control your thoughts and actions, it just takes practice. The mind is a powerful thing, and sometimes it can control us. But with patience and perseverance, we can control it and achieve ultimate mindfulness.

When you find yourself typing his name up on the search bar, quickly stop yourself and pause. Take a deep breath and tell yourself “There is no benefit of me checking up on his Facebook profile,” log off of Facebook and find something else to keep your mind preoccupied. Write in a journal, go running (it’ll help you maintain your goal), do anything that can distract you. Make this a routine, and it will work wonders. But you have to WANT to do this, otherwise you get stuck in this vicious cycle of checking up on him and becoming more vulnerable in the process.

He has moved on it seems, so why can’t you? Don’t you deserve every bit of happiness as well? Why do you have to suffer from this and he’s perfectly content without you?

You will get through this. I’ve been through this and can assure you it gets better with time. Let go of that crippling habit each day and you will truly feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

Much love!

August 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm #63386

Big blue
Participant

Hi Popi,

I’ve done this. Over time it will fade. Notice what triggers you to do this. Do something else, like the exercise. Don’t check your phone as much. Find some interesting web sites, apps, causes, people. Develop other interests. It will get better.

Big blue

August 14, 2014 at 3:57 pm #63389
popi
Participant
@kelsi Thanks Kelsi…I know all the practical ways,i know what makes me feel bad,what harms me BUT i don’t do it.I don’t know why.
And it seems i can’t get out of this.I mean,it’s easy to say it but difficult to do it.And i don’t believe in my powers,unfortunately.All i have to do is stop checking the profile,go outside and be thankfull for the life i’m living,the nature,my home,my family and the fact i’m healthy.Although i don’t move,i’m stuck in the past, not the past especially but i’m feeling lonely and afraid of he could move on. (and not me).
I’m not thinking of the past and what have done, neither the relationship.These were past thoughts,not anymore.I’ve accepted the fact that we broke up, long ago. Although i’m not okay with myself, do I need a psychologist? I want to be free and released from myself,not an expert.
I realized that it’s more difficult to me not look the page, than do exercise or eat healthy.All are so much easier than this…
I don’t know what to say,…thanks for the response.

@Big blue..I know it will fade but my life passes day by day and I know , it doesn’t worth the pain.I know all the things i have to do to improve my life,but as I said,i don’t do it.Maybe i don’t want it so much….subconsciously.
I can exercise when i’ll have a bad thought, but thoughts are so many that i’ll be tired to run..and run and run…my mind needs control.And not only this,it needs a big change.Eventually,all that matters is doing things with yourself improving yourself…..but,honestly,sometimes exercising and eating healthy and not looking at ex’s profile..it’s boring , hahaha!
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by popi.
August 14, 2014 at 5:49 pm #63393

Kelsi
Participant

If you feel that a psychologist would help, there is no shame in looking for one and making appointments. I do agree that we become stronger and grow more as humans when we can overcome our adversities on our own, but there is never shame in seeking help from others if you get stuck.

When we are with someone we love and adore and someone that makes us happy, we have natural chemicals released in the body such as dopamine and serotonin, along with others. It gives us this natural high and of course with any high we feel, it can become addicting and delicious. So maybe looking back onto his profile releases some of these chemicals you have been familiarized with when you were with him. And maybe in some ways, you don’t want that feeling to go away.

Ultimately you are in control of your happiness and you have to realize this. Your friends and family are there to comfort you, but they can’t make your decisions for you. You are the only one who can decide whether this habit of yours is benefiting you or not (which you’ve made it clear that you do not wish to continue what you’ve been doing because you feel you are wasting your life). So now you need to find ways to overcome this, with or without help.

Also, did you find closure with your ex when you two broke up? Because often times we obsess over finding answers and clarity when a relationship ends unexpectedly. Maybe what you need is closure? Just tossing some ideas out there.

August 15, 2014 at 12:10 am #63416

popi
Participant

@Kelsi What i’m thinking truly is that i don’t need a psychologist cause i’m not dealing with HUGE problems and i’m not desperate…Sometimes when i feel bad i’ll think that need it,but these thoughts are rare.
Also i think that solving your problems on your own , it’s a triumph with a crown. Each problem is here for us as a challenge we must face with…….we need to overcome challenges on ourselves.
No longer happy.The feeling of visiting his profile and the pictures and all that stuff are not healing anymore.When i first discovered his profile (one year almost since then- he didn’t have a profile he created a profile after we broke up and i found it!)
i was terrified of hurting , (i first found his sister’s profile and months later he created one!) and even if I knew it i was continuing to do that.I think that i’m causing the pain. Yes,me.
The relationship wans’t fun, at the beginning it was good but this was for 3-4 months most.After these months the relationship was a suffer…..we had problems such as the distance and a very toxic ‘air’ between us.Although, i rarely think of the bad times…OK I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP…These was just more infos.(not useful).

Today I’ll try to accomplish all of my 4 goals,and I know i’ll feel bad when I’m not doing the same as the other days ,it will hurt but i have to do it in order to live happy. Getting out of the habit feels very uncomfortable and I maybe afraid of the uncomfortable zone.BUT no change will happen if i’m doing the same and the same each day!
I wish you all have a great day!
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