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how do I catalyze change

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Nida 6 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #202005

    Nida
    Participant

    I need to change. Stop procrastinating, get rid of bad habits like binge eating unhealthy foods and picking at my acne, etc. Take control of my life. the issue is i've been saying this for 5 plus years. and I never change. I just say it and never do. Procrastination quite literally is my biggest habit i need to ride myself of. I've tried every approach(can't say tried cause i've done nothing), yet i still can't stop being lazy and self pitying. Please, how do I actually change.

    #202043

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nida:

    When you tried during these five plus years and failed at executing your plan perfectly, did you give yourself a hard time for it, saying mean things to yourself, beating yourself up, so to speak?

    If so, that would explain procrastinating trying yet again… and getting beaten up again.

    anita

    #202069

    Nida
    Participant

    @anita i tried being nice, but i always got too lenient

    #202073

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nida:

    You “tried being nice”, you mean to yourself?

    And “got too lenient” with yourself, correct? How were you too lenient to yourself?

    anita

    #202079

    Nida
    Participant

    @anita i would always let myself give in to the easy temptation of “ill start tomorrow”. i know ‘how do i change' is a loaded, gray question, but do you have any tips?

    #202081

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nida:

    Yes, I do have tips:

    Do not expect perfection: focus on Progress, not Perfection. Expect a zig-zag like progress, some regressions on the way forward.

    When you feel distress, do not be alarmed, try to not react any which way to distress. Stay with the distress best you can, notice how it feels. Stay, don't run, don't rush, stay. Breathe, calm down best you can, again and again… and yet again.

    Be patient. I call the patience required excruciating patience. So much of it is required… more than what seems possible.

    Learn ways to decrease that distress, take fast walks outside perhaps, when distressed, a hot bath, relaxing guided meditations, yoga, other exercise, music….ways to reduce the distress that is not unhealthy.

    When you find a way that works (ex. exercise), don't over do it.

    Be gentle with yourself, self aggression will be counter productive. It is not an effective motivator.

    Did I mention that excruciating patience? I still find it excruciating at times, in my own experience.

    * Will be back in about sixteen hours.

    anita

     

    #202083

    Nida
    Participant

    @anita you seem to be very wise. thank you truly

    #202095

    Peter
    Participant

    The messaging from society is that everyone should be striving for ‘something’, however if your good with your sense of self and don’t really want to change that’s a valid choice. If such is the case then the accepting that truth about yourself will end the suffering your feeling about making change happen.

    If there are areas in your life you would like to work on the first step is accepting where you are with compassion and without judgments or labels.  I know easier said then done.

    One of the reasons we don’t make the changes we think we should make is that they are ‘shoulds' and the imagined pain and bother of making the change is not (as yet) greater then the pain of staying as we are.  (Warning Life demands growth so will create pain to force growth)

    The second step to change is letting go of the ‘shoulds’ and identifying the areas in your life that you authentically want and need to work on.  Pick something small and do able then move forward from their

    I recommend the following book: ‘Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success’ by Kerry Patterson

    5 Steps to Transformation: Change Your Habits and Your Life

    #202181

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Nida. Anytime.

    anita

    #202237

    Nida
    Participant

    @peter very wise words, thank you

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