Dear Jack:

Just had my first meal, coffee really, following my hunger strike. I needed the coffee so to carry me through this reading: “Jack, it is never too late to hand your life over to God! I notice you being tempted by the philistine psychology of Freud. Don’t do it! It’s atheistic rubbish!”

anita

Dear Jack:

Is this him on the video? Maybe will watch later, probably, yes. In his website, his writings are about the Internal Critic, I later remember. He didn’t call it Internal Bully. Makes no difference to me, same meaning. Well, did you get any ideas?

By the way, it occurred to me last night that I have an Inner Self I wasn’t aware of as such, let me introduce her: Ruminating Ramona. Similar to you know who. She does ruminate about what I did wrong, or maybe wrong, and as the appropriate bully of the moment is beating me up with a whip, she, Ramona keeps me in the position of being beaten, while she is trying to resolve the situation using other Inner Selves. You-ate-too-much Tammy is beating me up while Ruminating Ramona is engaging Calorie-counting-Caroline for “help” and there is Running-around-Renee to the “rescue” and Ramona keeps thinking and thinking.

A better dynamic is: the sensible, healing, evolving me saying to the one or ones with the whip: PUT THE WHIP DOWN. Focus on that alone. Put the whip down, stop the beating.

Ramona is like a person entering a home where a young child is being beaten by a crazed adult. What she does is, she starts talking to the crazed adult: “Maybe the child didn’t do the wrong thing you think he did… let’s …examine this, analyze it.” And Ramona is telling the in-progress beaten child: “Now let’s see, did you do something wrong?” And an Renee jumps in with her input: Take an extra long walk. And Fran jumps in and says: the child is fat! And so on.

While the only sensible intervention would be: PUT THE WHIP DOWN.

Then we’ll talk. No whipping. No beating.

anita

Dear Jack:

I just heard most of the video. I turned it off when he started talking about feeling empathy for the bully, the Christian forgiveness thing. I believe that MY UNREPENTANT bully deserves empathy, only not my own. It is not the job of the bullied to empathize with one’s bully, it is not damaging to one’s healing. Not in the first ten years or so of healing- it is time to feel empathy for the bullied, for oneself, not for the bully, for crying out loud!

Anyway, I agree with anyone can bully anyone. That this is not an indication of the bullied inadequacy or deserving of the bullying.

What you describe about Ron’s bullying you for not protecting yourself or for not fighting the external bully, that is common. The internal bully bullying you for not fighting the external bully. Well, fighting the internal bully makes sense then, that is “Put your whip down!” You don’t listen to Ron or me listening to Ramona. Ron and Ramona they just stand there with their whip ready to whip, no use talking to them, just make them put the whip down. Then you talk to someone else, the healthy inner critic, think about effective ways to deal with an external bully, think when CALM, not while being bullied by the internal bully.

I have a better understanding through IST, Ruminator Ramona and will practice it today, following the latest attacks.

anita

Dear TriangleSun:

What specifically do you like about solitude? I used to like solitude and still do considering the alternative of being in the company of unpleasant people. Nowadays, I have no desire to be around people just for the sake of it. I am interested in real conversations, not in superficial companionship. what about you? What is it about solitude and what about companionship is better than the best solitude?

anita