Chemistry and attraction are difficult concepts to understand and explain. You can be very sexually and physically attracted to a person but not want to be in a relationship with them. It does happen. I had this happen to me after a 5 year relationship when a man basically said no to marrying me and making things more permanent. Less than a year later he married his secretary from work. When I found out I was so heartbroken wondering what she had that I didn’t. However, those are not really helpful questions to ask yourself because there are no good answers. Needless to say, his “no” was the kindest and most loving thing he ever gave me. It freed me up to find the wonderful, loving, spiritual relationship that I have now. With time, you will be able to look back and see this as a gift, but in the meantime, be gentle with yourself and try not to dwell on what you don’t have that she wanted. Focus on how much you do have to offer the right person and soon you’ll attract that person. Best of luck!
~Jodi

Hello, I was drawn to this post because I know many people who have been in this situation. The first thing that strikes me is the way you describe yourself as ‘an ugly personality’. Is this your opinion of your self and if so then why do you think you are an ugly person? Is this what other people have told you or is this what you tell yourself? We all make mistakes no one is perfect. It definately sounds like this girl you are talking about is not perfect. Try to write a list of realistic positive things about yourself even if you can only think of one thing just write it down. I would say that the fact that you were able to continue an intimate relationship with someone for a year is a positive testimony to your character. (even though you weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, you were still intimate and it was still a relationship just not a serious one) Believe it or not there are many many people who go well into adulthood without achieving this.

As for the rejection its a really good thing that you are expressing your feelings and feeling them instead of trying to hide them away. It sounds like you are in alot of pain emotionally. I would say you should allow yourself time to feel the pain and feel sorry for yourself for a while. try to avoid the temptation to torture yourself by trying to find information out about the girl and her new partner. Talk about your feelings or write them down as much as possible. Then when you feel ready go out and start having fun, try a new hobby go to a new city focus on improving the things you want to improve about yourself. You may feel like crap for sometime but time WILL help and things will get easier.

Perry,
I’m sorry you’re hurting. May I ask why it took so long to move from a casual non-exclusive relationship to a more serious relationship?

Dear Perry:

Is your personality all ugly or is part of it beautiful? If you rub everyone the wrong way, as you wrote, maybe use your beautiful personality to rub a person the right way, no pun intended…?

anita

Hi Perry – Im so sorry for how your feeling. I know how rejection hurts. Im sure you have beautiful aspects of yourself, don’t be so hard on yourself. I am sometimes pessimist too and that’s just because I prepare for the worse for fear of being let down. I would like to get out of the that mind set but that’s just me. I know I need to work on it. Sometimes the people we love and want the most leave but its a blessing in disguise. Its hard to realize when your in it. I believe that every relationship we have in life is a lesson whether the outcome is good or bad, we can learn from it if. Ha look at me telling you all the things that I should be telling myself. I just posted a topic myself because my boyfriend is rejecting me right now. Its oh so easy to give advice from the outside : ) Your not alone. Have comfort in that tonight. Things will work themselves out. They always do. Have you two remained in contact at all?

Hi Perry – I hope your feeling a little better by the time you read this. I know its hard and you feel absolutly dead inside. I very much understand. I could only provide advice to be gentle on yourself and surround yourself with positive things and people. Do things that will make you a little more happy and most of all try to get outside. Just being in nature, breathing in fresh air always helps me. It opens up my mind to reflect more. I hope you live near a forest, beach or mountains so you can do this. Im sure you alwasy here or read this, but the universe places people in our paths at the right time to teach us what we need to learn and will remove them when they no longer server us. If they stay great and if they leave thats great too. Everything is ever changing. Its hard to swallow that notion right now, but in time and if we trust in the process we will see it to be true. I am trying to understand all this myself : )

Much love.