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How to accept rejection and move forward?

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Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #82359
    Perry
    Participant

    Well…basically to cut the story short: I was involved in a casual non-exclusive relationship with a girl for about a year and then I developed really strong feelings for her but she rejected me for a relationship. Her way of rejection was by getting a bf without me knowing anything about it. I don’t really blame her for anything considering she was sort of clear with her intentions. I just wish she would have told me about the bf thing sooner.

    Now, this rejection really really hurts. I feel worthless because she didn’t even want a relationship with me and she’s the most understanding woman I’ve ever met. I mean, we were REALLY GOOD FRIENDS and got along really well, but it seems the more she got to know my ugly personality, the more she didn’t want anything to do with me. Her new bf is apparently a much happier person and much more positive than me. I also got to know through her friends that I was pretty much a rebound and she never really had any feelings for me.

    All of this really really hurts. How does one move forward considering the person they love didn’t even want to be with them? How do I feel good enough to be with someone again because right now it feels like I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.

    #82360
    Perry
    Participant

    What makes it worse that it’s obvious we get along very well and immensely enjoy the company of each other. She has social anxiety and she said me and her ex are the only two people in the world she felt fully comfortable around. She’s repeatedly told me that she finds me very attractive physically, so I’m left scratching my head wondering what the hell was the problem then.

    #82361
    Jodi
    Participant

    Chemistry and attraction are difficult concepts to understand and explain. You can be very sexually and physically attracted to a person but not want to be in a relationship with them. It does happen. I had this happen to me after a 5 year relationship when a man basically said no to marrying me and making things more permanent. Less than a year later he married his secretary from work. When I found out I was so heartbroken wondering what she had that I didn’t. However, those are not really helpful questions to ask yourself because there are no good answers. Needless to say, his “no” was the kindest and most loving thing he ever gave me. It freed me up to find the wonderful, loving, spiritual relationship that I have now. With time, you will be able to look back and see this as a gift, but in the meantime, be gentle with yourself and try not to dwell on what you don’t have that she wanted. Focus on how much you do have to offer the right person and soon you’ll attract that person. Best of luck!
    ~Jodi

    #82423
    jeena
    Participant

    f them! know your worth. they obviously have bad taste if they didn’t pick you. 🙂

    #82426
    Sheryl
    Participant

    Hello, I was drawn to this post because I know many people who have been in this situation. The first thing that strikes me is the way you describe yourself as ‘an ugly personality’. Is this your opinion of your self and if so then why do you think you are an ugly person? Is this what other people have told you or is this what you tell yourself? We all make mistakes no one is perfect. It definately sounds like this girl you are talking about is not perfect. Try to write a list of realistic positive things about yourself even if you can only think of one thing just write it down. I would say that the fact that you were able to continue an intimate relationship with someone for a year is a positive testimony to your character. (even though you weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, you were still intimate and it was still a relationship just not a serious one) Believe it or not there are many many people who go well into adulthood without achieving this.

    As for the rejection its a really good thing that you are expressing your feelings and feeling them instead of trying to hide them away. It sounds like you are in alot of pain emotionally. I would say you should allow yourself time to feel the pain and feel sorry for yourself for a while. try to avoid the temptation to torture yourself by trying to find information out about the girl and her new partner. Talk about your feelings or write them down as much as possible. Then when you feel ready go out and start having fun, try a new hobby go to a new city focus on improving the things you want to improve about yourself. You may feel like crap for sometime but time WILL help and things will get easier.

    #82588
    Perry
    Participant

    I call myself an ugly personality because I tend to be very pessimistic and that rubs EVERYONE the wrong way.

    I’m in a lot of pain emotionally because I was so close to her emotionally and I thought she was as well, but apparently not. I think the loss of a best friend hurts more than the loss of a romantic partner. She can’t be friends with me because her bf would object to it.

    #82626
    jeena
    Participant

    Perry,
    I’m sorry you’re hurting. May I ask why it took so long to move from a casual non-exclusive relationship to a more serious relationship?

    #82627
    jeena
    Participant

    Sorry, let me reword that… May I ask why it took so long to want to move from a casual non-exclusive relationship to a more serious relationship. Perhaps she moved on because things weren’t moving along sooner? You say you eventually asked her for a relationship?

    #82639
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Perry:

    Is your personality all ugly or is part of it beautiful? If you rub everyone the wrong way, as you wrote, maybe use your beautiful personality to rub a person the right way, no pun intended…?

    anita

    #82643
    Perry
    Participant

    @ jeena: She was just coming out of a relationship and I’m guessing she was still in love with her ex. I was essentially a rebound. I had been pushing for almost a year, but she would always say “I’m not ready for a relationship” and so I gave her as much time as she wanted. Now I know what she meant was “I don’t want a relationship with you”.

    #82645
    Jane
    Participant

    Hi Perry – Im so sorry for how your feeling. I know how rejection hurts. Im sure you have beautiful aspects of yourself, don’t be so hard on yourself. I am sometimes pessimist too and that’s just because I prepare for the worse for fear of being let down. I would like to get out of the that mind set but that’s just me. I know I need to work on it. Sometimes the people we love and want the most leave but its a blessing in disguise. Its hard to realize when your in it. I believe that every relationship we have in life is a lesson whether the outcome is good or bad, we can learn from it if. Ha look at me telling you all the things that I should be telling myself. I just posted a topic myself because my boyfriend is rejecting me right now. Its oh so easy to give advice from the outside : ) Your not alone. Have comfort in that tonight. Things will work themselves out. They always do. Have you two remained in contact at all?

    #82685
    Perry
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind words but everything feels so depressing right now. I don’t feel like doing anything. I stayed in contact with her for a while after it became official, but I’m on no contact right now.

    #82736
    Jane
    Participant

    Hi Perry – I hope your feeling a little better by the time you read this. I know its hard and you feel absolutly dead inside. I very much understand. I could only provide advice to be gentle on yourself and surround yourself with positive things and people. Do things that will make you a little more happy and most of all try to get outside. Just being in nature, breathing in fresh air always helps me. It opens up my mind to reflect more. I hope you live near a forest, beach or mountains so you can do this. Im sure you alwasy here or read this, but the universe places people in our paths at the right time to teach us what we need to learn and will remove them when they no longer server us. If they stay great and if they leave thats great too. Everything is ever changing. Its hard to swallow that notion right now, but in time and if we trust in the process we will see it to be true. I am trying to understand all this myself : )

    Much love.

    #82803
    Perry
    Participant

    Unfortunately I live in the city. I did go on a month long vacation to California, but it didn’t help much. It just boggles my mind how people can be so close to you one day and so distant the next. Also, the ease with which she let me go hurts as well. It’s like I didn’t even matter towards the end.

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