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How to find love?

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Viewing 14 posts - 16 through 29 (of 29 total)
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  • #123279
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hello,

    I want to make one point about looking for love – basically there are 3 kinds of looking according to me –

    1. Not looking

    2. Passively looking (interested but not actively looking through sources like friends, online dating, match making, events etc)

    3. Actively looking

    The above levels of interests can have two states-

    a) Steady state – your state of mind during this time is calm, you are okay with yourself and are in a more responsive, rather than reactive state.

    b) Turbulent state – you are becoming worried, obsessive and taking the whole process very personally as if it is a reflection of your worth as an individual entirely. Your state is too reactive and comes from a place of desperation.

    Hope this clears things up a wee bit.

    Regards
    Nina

    #123280
    Maya
    Participant

    Thanks Nina.
    i was talking about 3(a)
    calm n steady and looking forward 🙂

    #123281
    VJ
    Participant

    Nice, crisp and crystal clear, Nina.

    Before I add this to the list….
    Is it right to say that 3b mindset may not help in manifesting love and even if it does, won’t last longer?

    ~VJ

    #123284
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Hello,

    Good to know Maya 🙂 even I was getting confused because of so many posts

    Yes VJ, agree with you. this state of mind often leads to maladaptive behaviours, thoughts that can be self-defeating, fueling anxiety further.

    Regards
    Nina

    #123287
    anita
    Participant

    Dear VJ:

    You wrote right before your well organized and articulated 1-12 pointers a few posts back that you are looking, perhaps, for “Something really simple, effortless” as an answer to the title of your thread. I would like to take on the challenge.

    “How to find love (a love partner)?”

    Got nothing, VJ. Nothing simple and effortless. If life was simple and effortless, then finding love would be simple and effortless as well. If the world we lived in was all about love, no hate, no dishonesty, no cruelty, no misfortune, then finding love would have been really simple and effortless.

    We don’t live in that kind of world.

    anita

    #123299
    Peter
    Participant

    But now i think i should be the person i seek( i should be the Love i seek:) )

    Love that!

    #123303
    Maya
    Participant

    Thanks Peter 🙂

    #123340
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    The effortless part that I was referring to was not about the process of finding love, but about the steps for the process of finding love. Hope the difference is clear. Fully agreed that the process is difficult, but that is exactly the reason this thread is here, to simplify the process, and that too from the real people with their own views and opinions. Simplicity in the steps where there is no spiritual mumbo jumbo concept involved easily understandable for a reader like JJC as in the example I provided about what s/he wrote. There are several several people who will still not understand what consciousness is, what the fish and the ocean analogy is, but will definitely understand what is mentioned in the 3 steps laid out by Nina above.

    Take care,
    VJ

    #123343
    VJ
    Participant

    Read Me:
    Below are certain tips, pointers, guidelines for someone looking for a life partner/soulmate.
    These are cumulatively added as and how the above conversations are made.
    Not all of them may be applicable to every single person looking for love, so one of them may be contrary to another too, or a multiple combination of them may be working for you.
    Pick what resonates with your soul the most, as that is what is required to you at this time. Keep applying, keep sharing.
    Love, Light & Best Wishes in finding the love of your life!

    I also invite both kinds of people, who are looking for love/or have already found, to feel free to directly add your own points at the end of the list, and keep the innumerable ways to find love growing.

    1. It may happen somehow when you are least expecting it.
    Keep your heart and mind open to the experience but have clarity over time about what a good partner would mean.

    2. Some wait it out. It’s different for everyone.

    3. Lessons for Love – “Each failed love story is an important lesson about oneself.”

    4. Seeking love doesn’t mean we aren’t complete in ourself. It’s just that we are human and it’s a very basic need to feel connected deeply to someone.

    5. Accept your Life as it is right now and be clear what are you looking for in your Soulmate. Start enjoying your life Right NOW and stop waiting

    6. Connect with yourself through means like Meditation

    7. Setting up a goal like finding love is what keeps us from finding it.

    8a. Stop looking for it where it is not (in that abusive relationship, in that unloving person)

    8b. Get curious about that person looking back at you in the mirror, learn more about who you are. How it all started for you (those Formative Years), how you became who you are.

    8c. With #8b worked on over time, you can SEE who a potential love partner is: loving? – proceed. Not loving- go to #8a.

    10. To find love, know thyself.

    11. Love/Life always pushes upward to the light. Though it is painful it is still love.

    12. For certain people, in certain circumstances, below may also hold true, so you need not worry if you are not able to find love for no reason at all –

    There is NOTHING wrong with you or your situation. Love will come, and you deserve it, there is no fixing you have to do, you are not enough is ridiculous. It just hasn’t arrived yet for whatever reason.

    13. Be the person you wish to seek.

    14. There are 3 kinds of looking for love –

    1. Not looking

    2. Passively looking (interested but not actively looking through sources like friends, online dating, match making,
    events etc)

    3. Actively looking

    The above levels of interests can have two states-

    a) Steady state – your state of mind during this time is calm, you are okay with yourself and are in a more responsive,
    rather than reactive state.

    b) Turbulent state – you are becoming worried, obsessive and taking the whole process very personally as if it is a
    reflection of your worth as an individual entirely. Your state is too reactive and comes from a place of desperation.

    See which state of mind you are at and strive to make yourself possible in the ‘Steady state’ of mindset.

    15. If you want someone to love you and reciprocate that love back then you have to be content with yourself first. Just be yourself, conquer and learn the things that are important to you. The things you are most passionate about are the aspects of life that will get you on your life task and inevitably find love.

    Once you are giving your all and everything into your life task the ego will dissolve and you will be content with your journey through life. This is when love can enter.

    Don’t search for love. It’s not a game, it’s not something you ‘look’ for. The more you go looking for it the more it will hurt if it’s not true….

    Credits: (http://www.thehungarianexperiment.com/blog/2016/6/28/on-the-hunt-for-love)

    #123362
    anita
    Participant

    Dear VJ:

    In your note to me above you wrote:
    “The effortless part that I was referring to was not about the process of finding love, but about the steps for the process of finding love. Hope the difference is clear. Fully agreed that the process is difficult, but that is exactly the reason this thread is here, to simplify the process.”

    The difference you are referring to, between the “PROCESS of finding love” and the “STEPS FOR THE PROCESS of finding love” is very unclear to me. Will you please explain to me the difference?

    anita

    #123533
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    The difference is still the same as above –
    Process – is the understanding and being in alignment of the loving consciousness – complex to understand for many
    Steps – are the ones listed in the points – at least a way knowing what direction to take

    I want to choose for myself to not respond for more back on forth. I did read your comment on another post about things getting messy due to the back and forth on a single thread. Since I started the thread as an OP I prefer to keep the post with more of the bulleted points.

    Merry Christmas,

    VJ

    #123534
    VJ
    Participant

    Updated with added points –

    Read Me:
    Below are certain tips, pointers, guidelines for someone looking for a life partner/soulmate.
    These are cumulatively added as and how the above conversations are made.
    Not all of them may be applicable to every single person looking for love, so one of them may be contrary to another too, or a multiple combination of them may be working for you.
    Pick what resonates with your soul the most, as that is what is required to you at this time. Keep applying, keep sharing.
    Love, Light & Best Wishes in finding the love of your life!

    I also invite both kinds of people, who are looking for love/or have already found, to feel free to directly add your own points at the end of the list, and keep the innumerable ways to find love growing.

    1. It may happen somehow when you are least expecting it.
    Keep your heart and mind open to the experience but have clarity over time about what a good partner would mean.

    2. Some wait it out. It’s different for everyone.

    3. Lessons for Love – “Each failed love story is an important lesson about oneself.”

    4. Seeking love doesn’t mean we aren’t complete in ourself. It’s just that we are human and it’s a very basic need to feel connected deeply to someone.

    5. Accept your Life as it is right now and be clear what are you looking for in your Soulmate. Start enjoying your life Right NOW and stop waiting

    6. Connect with yourself through means like Meditation

    7. Setting up a goal like finding love is what keeps us from finding it.

    8a. Stop looking for it where it is not (in that abusive relationship, in that unloving person)

    8b. Get curious about that person looking back at you in the mirror, learn more about who you are. How it all started for you (those Formative Years), how you became who you are.

    8c. With #8b worked on over time, you can SEE who a potential love partner is: loving? – proceed. Not loving- go to #8a.

    10. To find love, know thyself.

    11. Love/Life always pushes upward to the light. Though it is painful it is still love.

    12. For certain people, in certain circumstances, below may also hold true, so you need not worry if you are not able to find love for no reason at all –

    There is NOTHING wrong with you or your situation. Love will come, and you deserve it, there is no fixing you have to do, you are not enough is ridiculous. It just hasn’t arrived yet for whatever reason.

    13. Be the person you wish to seek.

    14. There are 3 kinds of looking for love –

    1. Not looking

    2. Passively looking (interested but not actively looking through sources like friends, online dating, match making,
    events etc)

    3. Actively looking

    The above levels of interests can have two states-

    a) Steady state – your state of mind during this time is calm, you are okay with yourself and are in a more responsive,
    rather than reactive state.

    b) Turbulent state – you are becoming worried, obsessive and taking the whole process very personally as if it is a
    reflection of your worth as an individual entirely. Your state is too reactive and comes from a place of desperation.

    See which state of mind you are at and strive to make yourself possible in the ‘Steady state’ of mindset.

    15. If you want someone to love you and reciprocate that love back then you have to be content with yourself first. Just be yourself, conquer and learn the things that are important to you. The things you are most passionate about are the aspects of life that will get you on your life task and inevitably find love.

    Once you are giving your all and everything into your life task the ego will dissolve and you will be content with your journey through life. This is when love can enter.

    Don’t search for love. It’s not a game, it’s not something you ‘look’ for. The more you go looking for it the more it will hurt if it’s not true….

    Credits: (http://www.thehungarianexperiment.com/blog/2016/6/28/on-the-hunt-for-love)

    16. How To Find Your Soulmate In 3 Easy Steps:

    (zoom the images before reading if they are small to read)
    Page1:
    (https://postimg.org/image/yp5uot2rz/)
    Page2:
    (https://postimg.org/image/esho5mm6x/)

    #123541
    garrino
    Participant

    There are very practical considerations that I don’t think have been discussed here such as:

    1. Make yourself available – how often do you get out of your house? Are you getting out there several times a week, socially?

    2. Vary your routine – if you go to work and do the same things in the same way every time, your opportunities for meeting another will be severely limited. If you go to the same restaurant for lunch every day, try another restaurant. If you take the same train to work at the same time every work day, take the train that leaves 30 minutes earlier.

    3. Approach/Initiate Conversation – it’s very easy for a woman to feel that “it just happens”. Why? Because it’s the man who is expected to approach. Men must be the initiators. We cannot expect to be approached. This means having the courage to strike up a conversation when it is uncomfortable to do so. This means stepping out of your comfort zone regularly. If you see someone you like, TALK TO HER.

    My parents have been married for 45 years. How did they meet? In a dance club in New York City. My mother loves to dance. She was not going to go out that night either. But her friends told her that she should go anyway and she listened to their advice. She was on the dance floor, *having a great time* and my father saw her. He approached her. And the rest is history. Both of my parents made themselves available that night. My mother left her house even though she didn’t feel like it. My father approached a woman who at the time was a complete stranger. He seized the moment.

    4. Do the things you love and are already passionate about

    5. Try new things in your life – If you go out for Japanese food every day, perhaps you can try Vietnamese? If you play soccer, maybe try baseball.

    6. Find others to go out with who can accompany you.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by garrino.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by garrino.
    #123585
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi garrin, Good you saw from a different perspective about certain things not on the list and added your own ones and that is what is required here. Those are great inputs – Especially the ‘Varying the routine’ resonates with me. I’m sure the rest may help for someone or the other.

    ————————————————————————————————————————–
    Read Me:
    Below are certain tips, pointers, guidelines for someone looking for a life partner/soulmate.
    These are cumulatively added as and how the above conversations are made.
    Not all of them may be applicable to every single person looking for love, so one of them may be contrary to another too, or a multiple combination of them may be working for you, or two of them may even mean the same thing but with different wordings. Also, the list may contain the solution of a problem within itself. Example: If you are stuck with #13b, then use #6 or #19.

    Pick what resonates with your soul the most, as that is what is required to you at this time. Keep applying, keep sharing.
    Love, Light & Best Wishes in finding the love of your life!

    I also invite both kinds of people, who are looking for love/or have already found, to feel free to directly add your own points at the end of the list, and keep the innumerable ways to find love growing.

    1. It may happen somehow when you are least expecting it.
    Keep your heart and mind open to the experience but have clarity over time about what a good partner would mean.

    2. Some wait it out. It’s different for everyone.

    3. Lessons for Love – “Each failed love story is an important lesson about oneself.”

    4. Seeking love doesn’t mean we aren’t complete in ourself. It’s just that we are human and it’s a very basic need to feel connected deeply to someone.

    5. Accept your Life as it is right now and be clear what are you looking for in your Soulmate. Start enjoying your life Right NOW and stop waiting

    6. Connect with yourself through means like Meditation

    7. Setting up a goal like finding love is what keeps us from finding it.

    8a. Stop looking for it where it is not (in that abusive relationship, in that unloving person)

    8b. Get curious about that person looking back at you in the mirror, learn more about who you are. How it all started for you (those Formative Years), how you became who you are.

    8c. With #8b worked on over time, you can SEE who a potential love partner is: loving? – proceed. Not loving- go to #8a.

    9. To find love, know thyself.

    10. Love/Life always pushes upward to the light. Though it is painful it is still love.

    11. For certain people, in certain circumstances, below may also hold true, so you need not worry if you are not able to find love for no reason at all –

    There is NOTHING wrong with you or your situation. Love will come, and you deserve it, there is no fixing you have to do, you are not enough is ridiculous. It just hasn’t arrived yet for whatever reason.

    12. Be the person you wish to seek.

    13. There are 3 kinds of looking for love –

    1. Not looking

    2. Passively looking (interested but not actively looking through sources like friends, online dating, match making,
    events etc)

    3. Actively looking

    The above levels of interests can have two states-

    a) Steady state – your state of mind during this time is calm, you are okay with yourself and are in a more responsive,
    rather than reactive state.

    b) Turbulent state – you are becoming worried, obsessive and taking the whole process very personally as if it is a
    reflection of your worth as an individual entirely. Your state is too reactive and comes from a place of desperation.

    See which state of mind you are at and strive to make yourself possible in the ‘Steady state’ of mindset.

    14. If you want someone to love you and reciprocate that love back then you have to be content with yourself first. Just be yourself, conquer and learn the things that are important to you. The things you are most passionate about are the aspects of life that will get you on your life task and inevitably find love.

    Once you are giving your all and everything into your life task the ego will dissolve and you will be content with your journey through life. This is when love can enter.

    Don’t search for love. It’s not a game, it’s not something you ‘look’ for. The more you go looking for it the more it will hurt if it’s not true….

    Credits: (http://www.thehungarianexperiment.com/blog/2016/6/28/on-the-hunt-for-love)

    15. How To Find Your Soulmate In 3 Easy Steps:

    (zoom the images before reading if they are small to read)
    Page1:
    (https://postimg.org/image/yp5uot2rz/)
    Page2:
    (https://postimg.org/image/esho5mm6x/)

    16. Make yourself available – how often do you get out of your house? Are you getting out there several times a week, socially?

    17. Vary your routine – if you go to work and do the same things in the same way every time, your opportunities for meeting another will be severely limited. If you go to the same restaurant for lunch every day, try another restaurant. If you take the same train to work at the same time every work day, take the train that leaves 30 minutes earlier.

    18. Approach/Initiate Conversation – it’s very easy for a woman to feel that “it just happens”. Why? Because it’s the man who is expected to approach. Men must be the initiators. We cannot expect to be approached. This means having the courage to strike up a conversation when it is uncomfortable to do so. This means stepping out of your comfort zone regularly. If you see someone you like, TALK TO HER. Seize the moment.

    19. Do the things you love and are already passionate about

    20. Try new things in your life – If you go out for Japanese food every day, perhaps you can try Vietnamese? If you play soccer, maybe try baseball.

    21. Find others to go out with who can accompany you.

Viewing 14 posts - 16 through 29 (of 29 total)

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