December 20, 2018 at 3:46 am #270097AnonymousParticipant
So about 2 weeks ago I went out and got really really drunk and ended up kissing another guy, I immediately felt guilty and went home to bed then told my boyfriend in the morning, him being the amazing guy he is forgave me but I just can’t forgive myself and the guilt is killing me. We have been together nearly 3.5 years and I love him to death and want to spend the the rest of my life with him and I can’t get over what I’ve done, I can’t sleep, don’t want to eat, I constantly feel sick and have a knot in my stomach that won’t go. I feel like such a terrible person for what I’ve done I know being drunk isnt an excuse but I would of never done anything like that sober, all I want to do is take it back I hate myself for hurting him. I keep having these thoughts that I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve him and that I’m better off dead, I cut myself a few times the other day because I couldn’t cope with the thoughts and feel like I deserve to be punished. He is being so nice to me and that makes me feel even worse like I don’t deserve it! I worry a lot what other people think of me and am worried that our friends will think I don’t deserve him and that I am a bad girlfriend. I keep comparing myself to other couples thinking I bet she hasn’t done that to him because she’s not a terrible person. I just don’t know what to do…December 20, 2018 at 5:45 am #270117ValoraParticipant
I think the easiest way to deal with guilt and regret from mistakes is to learn the lesson from them that they can teach you. You cannot go back in time and fix the mistake, but if you learn from it, at least it served a good purpose.
You said that you would never have done it if you were sober, right? So maybe the lesson here is to not get really really drunk. Ever. Because it causes you to act in ways that are out of character for you. So you can easily prevent this kind of thing from ever happening again just by staying sober (or even only getting a buzz and that’s it, if you like drinking… but make sure you’re able to limit yourself. Some people have a hard time with that). I’ve had to learn this exact lesson myself. I didn’t kiss anyone other than a boyfriend, but I did end up with a kid with a friend from a one-night stand (COMPLETELY out of character for me). haha. So I had to learn pretty much the same lesson… don’t get super drunk. I can go out and have a drink or two and then I just switch to water or orange juice (orange juice is good because you don’t get pressure from others to drink because it just looks like you’re drinking a screwdriver). An awesome bonus is then you feel great the next day.
So anyway…. allow yourself to accept that you are human and you made a mistake that hurt someone. You acknowledge what you did was wrong and you also know a great way to prevent that mistake from happening again. That is so, sooo much better than those people who make mistakes but have no regrets or cares about who they hurt. THOSE are the people that are terrible and don’t deserve to be with good people. You are completely different. You clearly have felt terrible about it for long enough and I think it’d be okay for you to just let go of that regret and move on from it now. Just make a vow to yourself to not get so drunk ever again.December 20, 2018 at 6:40 am #270133InkyParticipant
The things we don’t do when we’re drunk! (Raises hand. “Been there!”)
I know you’re mortified now, but as the years parade by and this incident is further back in your rear view mirror, take comfort… You were Drunk! (And it won’t happen again)
Repeat after me: “I was Drunk!” *shrug shoulders* (repeat as needed).
People push alcohol on you: You push the 3rd/ glass away. “I’m not myself when I’m drunk!”
InkyNovember 14, 2019 at 5:56 am #322963AnonymousParticipant
Hi. I came across this at a time when I am dealing with a VERY similar situation. I was blackout drunk and kissed someone else while I was out. I just was told by a friend that it happened. It was 9 months ago and I just was told. I am so disgusted with myself and harbor so much guilt and shame and sadness. He is the best thing in my life and I feel beyond terrible for hurting him like this. He doesn’t want to break up and we went to a counselor who said that my guilt is taking center stage and not leaving room for his feelings.
that is NOT what I want but I don’t know how to make more room for his feelings while I have so much hate for my actions.
im trying to find a counselor because I feel out of control and don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to live with this.
i just basically wanted to hear if anything good has come of this for you? Any lessons you can pass on to me? Anything you have done to forgive yourself?
id really appreciate hearing from you.
DJuly 30, 2023 at 4:05 pm #421063ameliaParticipant
This is what is happening to me and the guilt is eating me up inside. I was extremely drunk and I don’t remember much but someone kissed me in the club, only a few days ago. I pushed them away immediately after realising what was happening and I made me and my friends leave the club instantly, but I gave them my number after the Kiss while I was leaving. I don’t remember giving them my number and I don’t know why I would do this. I love my partner more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, they are my whole world and picturing a future without them is extremely painful.
I told my partner instantly the next morning and they were hurt but they forgave me and we are working through it. They aren’t as upset about the kiss (since I pushed them away instantly) but they are upset and confused about us exchanging contact details. I am trying to be there for them, as I need to prioritise their feelings, but the guilt and regret feels like it is killing me and I am uncontrollably sad. I cant eat, I cant sleep and I cant stop crying about this. I need to move past the guilt and prioritise my partners feelings but I don’t know how.
We had the most perfect relationship and they love me so much, the fear of losing this relationship and ruining our perfect life together is making me sick. I hate that I hurt them and it is killing me
I’d really appreciate any advice or suggestions.July 31, 2023 at 6:13 am #421075RobertaParticipant
Dealing with the practicality. Discuss with partner whether he would prefer you to contact the 3rd party asking them not to contact you & then block his number or just block his number. This will give your partner a sense of control and help start to rebuild trust.
What is interesting is that you jumped out of the fat & into the fire. You may want to have a long cold hard look at what is going on with your relationship to alcohol as it is obvious that it impaired your judgement and also when you are out with your girlfriends is flirting a normal part of an evening out.
You may also want to consider couples counselling to give you tools to help your relationship grow in a healthy manner.