Many times, when you try to help a drug addict, you are actually stabilizing him in his addiction. There is no easy way to deal with this. I think that you did the right thing. Imagine he had actually killed himself that night, how would you feel then?

That said, you have not ruined his life because you are not responsible for his life. He is charged for things he actually did and said… not because of you!

Hi Irene,

For people with a drug addiction, stress is one of the key triggers for their relapses. It often start with something small, like using it recreationally to make the parties more fun but if they are using it to cope with bad times, it is an indicator that they are drug dependant. Over time, this will take away their ability to deal with problems in life and instead, they will continue to use drugs and/or blame others for their own mistakes. Though it’s true that you called the police, he was the one who broke the law. Remember that we are all responsible for our own choices and if you take the full blame for what happend, he can never use this as an opportunity to get out of his cycle.

After this incident, things will never be the same between the two of you because even if he contacts you again, the guilt will make you go out of your way to make the relationship work. For example, You said that perhaps you should not have tried to change him but is it really friendship to see someone we love doing something that is destroying themselves without saying anything? If this is the path you follow, it will only go on to destroy your self esteem even further as you will be suppressing your true feelings and second guessing yourself.

This may sound a bit harsh but if you are not happy with your own life, you are not in a position to help anyone else. If you really want to help this person, make sure that you are in a good stable place in your life first otherwise you will just get dragged into all the different dramas.

Do you think if YOU could change or do something different, you could change the relationship?
You really need to be yourself, and you need him to accept who you are, even if you make mistakes.
What you can learn from this is that maybe you are not the right person to help a drug addict, and too close to him.
What he said is extremely abusive! Usually there is more where that came from. Even if you see that he can’t help it right now, this is not doing you any good, especially if you just managed to come out of a tight spot – to be honest, this sounds more like you went from a tight spot into a codependancy.
You are ok, just the way you are! And your main responsibility is your own health and wellbeing! You can never ever compromise on that! And you can be there for someone if you can afford it emotionally, but you can not fix someone else!

*hug*

To all of you who have guilt for ruining someone’s life, I know how it feels. I am only 15 years old and I have suffered from abuse since I was 13. It may not seem like a long time but for me it felt like an eternity. Ever since the physical contact has been started I have lived in fear of whos going to hurt me next or whos going to call me a P.O.S kid or a walking disease or a heartless bastard when I make a mistake or the wrong face or a comment that was not mean or offense towards someone. I am afraid of saying no to everyone because I feel like if I do then they will end up hating me and then eventually I will be by myself with no one to love me and show me how to love myself. I’m so worried that if everyone leaves then one day my mind, my sanity, my love will just disappear forever and I will just be an empty shell of nothing. I was transferred to my grandparents house after everything at my moms went down. My mother and her girlfriend were arrested for domestic violence towards me. I told the cops it was all my fault that they were hitting me,” I deserve to be punished for everything I have done wrong. I put two people in jail, I have forever lost the relationship I wanted with my mom, she hates me and probably doesn’t even think about me or if I am ok and why would she… I messed up her future. I look at her mugshot because its the only thing I have of my mom I miss her so much and I just can’t stop hating myself for what I have done. The judge put a no contact order against her, So no matter how hard I want to be with her, I can’t help but think that she doesn’t want to be with me because of what I did to her. I feel so lost in this big world and I am drowning but no one truly knows how someone who has been beaten feels like until it happens to them.