Home→Forums→Tough Times→How to get your priorities in order while everything is falling apart~
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September 23, 2018 at 9:52 am #226817
BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Your Birthday with the trader joe’s cheesecake is so sad…Sounds like some of the things I have done over Holidays while being alone.
How did you manage to get out of your sadness? I know you are married now & hope you are happy. How did you meet your husband?
My situation is not any better, haven’t been out in weeks except for the grocery store & keep my phone off. I need anything to give me some inspiration.
Bella~
September 24, 2018 at 9:31 am #226997
AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I met him on an online dating site, worked very well for me, that was 2009. Regarding the sadness that cheesecake birthday time, before and after, I used to go to the movies, have happy memories being in the movies, sometimes a whole day, going from one movie to the next. I don’t do that anymore. I used to read a lot, forget myself in non fiction stories about other people’s lives, people having more happening in their lives than I did. Listening to talk radio as well, hearing someone’s voice when I was all alone.
Two more days to your birthday. Can you plan something special for your birthday???
anita
September 25, 2018 at 12:19 am #227351BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Do you recommend any dating site over another, haven’t had much luck with the ones I have picked…Or, possibly I don’t understand online dating. I seem to just attract the weird ones. LOL
I do a lot of what you did, except I watch a lot of documentaries on TV & read biographies, so far Marilyn Monroe/Elvis/Meryle Haggard, well…you get the picture & I am sure you did also…
Nothing special for my Birthday, I may go to a town about 1 1/2 hrs. away & walk through the mall & go to the Cheesecake Factory. (Probably, think about our emails & cry in my cheesecake. 🙁
Found out today I have termites & also need a new roof~ Not happy about that, but it is what it is…
Also, went to the grocery store & on my way home passed a car that looked just like my ex coming from my road & my heart stopped. I saw brake lights, but I am sure if it had been him & he missed me he would have come back when I passed him.
Then of course, once I got home and fed the kitties & put the groceries in pace my mind started wandering about him. It’s 3:15 a.m. and he is still on my mind.
Don’t worry not to the point I would contact him, it been over 3 mos. since I have seen him & I would not want to relive the past 3 mos. by stepping backwards at this point. Every day has become a struggle with thoughts of him. I am sure it is because the Holidays are right around the corner and the weather was unseasonably cool today which made it feel more like fall.
I will let you know how the Birthday goes & Thank you for asking. It is my fault, none of my friends know it is my Birthday~
Bella~
September 25, 2018 at 3:50 am #227359AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
Congratulations for it being more than three months of not contacting him. House fixing, going through this myself, plumbing is the big issue, lots of work to be done and money put into it.
Regarding online dating, I think I went about it the right way, the .. scientific way and I will be glad to share with you how I went about it. I started with match and proceeded with plenty of fish. The latter was free at the time, maybe it still is. Lots of people don’t like online dating, but I think that I went about it the effective way. Let me know if you want my recommendations about how to go about it.
I woke up this very early morning thinking: tomorrow is Bella’s birthday! So I have your birthday on my mind. I wonder where you will be next birthday, if you will be in a good relationship then. I wonder. One year of effective online dating may make it happen!
anita
September 25, 2018 at 6:38 am #227395BellaParticipantHi Anita,
OF COURSE I would like your online dating recommendation …You have been my life-line since May~
Sincerely, I don’t know what I would have done without your advice & words of wisdom & it feels wonderful as each day passes with NO contact from the dirty rat B$@#^&D!!
You won’t believe this, I have a military discount at a local store in town & was looking last night for items to do yard work & that assh@*%, and his girlfriend have been making purchases using my discount!!! Can you believe the nerve of them…geeeze~
Ok, with that said, now the dating advice~
Bella~
September 25, 2018 at 7:28 am #227409AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I hope you made it impossible for them to continue to get your discount, for crying out loud!
Online dating advice it is, then. It will take a few posts, maybe more than a few. First lesson: view the prospect as a business adventure, nothing to do with love and such. Goal: to meet as many possible matches as possible and choose the best candidate on a later date. It is not about meeting The One and embarking on a relationship. It is more like a series of business interviews, you will be interviewing men for the possible position of your partner in life. In these interviews, no physical intimacy takes place, of course. Initial interviews take place in a public place such as a relatively quiet coffee shop or a casual restaurant.
What do you think so far?
anita
September 25, 2018 at 9:17 pm #227539BellaParticipantI like your dating approach & will follow the guidelines.
My discount is given because he uses my phone #, which is attached to my discount. The store knows us well & he has used it in the past so I guess they have no reason to question him, or his girlfriend. It shows me how he has no pride to do such a thing. The only other thing I could do is text him & tell him to stop, but I don’t want any contact with him. So, for now, I will let it slide.
Happy Birthday to me~ Happy Birthday to me~ Happy Birthday Dear Bella~ Happy Birthday to me!!!! LOL 🙂
I would love to talk to you, but I will respect your boundaries~ I fully understand.
Where do you live Anita? I know it is in the country, which state? and do you like it?
Bella~
September 26, 2018 at 5:30 am #227581AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
H A P P Y B I R T D A Y ! ! !
I marked your birthday on my calendar and thought about it before I turned on the computer this morning. I live in the Evergreen State. I like trees therefore I do like it here, lots of trees, beautiful views. I also like the weather, it not being hot and humid in the summer. Ice and snow are tough at times in winter. I am hearing an owl as I type to you right now. I like that.
Talking on the phone, you mean? That would be strange to me, I am not used to that anymore.
Following my online dating advice to you having been received well by you, I am now offering you this gift as your Birthday Gift: a personal, one on one guidance through the complexity of online dating, aiming at finding you a proper partner for life. The gift extends for at least the rest of the year, perhaps longer.
Again… H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !!!
anita
September 27, 2018 at 3:49 am #227741BellaParticipantHi Anita,
I just found your message. It is 9/27 6:40 a.m.~ I was so looking forward to your response yesterday morning & for some reason it went into my junk mail…I was Happy to receive my Birthday Wish from you.
I had a very nice Birthday. You won’t believe who I received a text from. My ex !!! and you will be so proud. I didn’t respond!!!!!!!!!!! and it felt so good. My girlfriend was also happy I didn’t respond to him. He said Happy Birthday! I hope you have a nice day!! I was shocked…it feels so good to have enough strength not to have said thank you, but, I didn’t. Yeah!!
We will see what happens next…
Bella~
September 27, 2018 at 4:25 am #227747AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I thought about you yesterday, wondering why you didn’t respond. I figured maybe you were out and about, you mentioned an intention of going to the Cheesecake Factory. Did you?
And yes, I am proud of you! Absolutely. It is important that you do not communicate with him, it is congruent with that gift I offered you, clearing the way to locating that partner-for-life.
anita
September 29, 2018 at 2:28 am #228053BellaParticipantHi Anita,
I don’t know what is going on with my computer, keeps putting my mail in junk file & I have to search for things.
I am going to Cheesecake Factory in Charlotte, very excited and I will think of you while eating my monster size piece of cheesecake! I will also go shopping at a Mall named South Park…Very big & nice. A lot of high end stores all in one location.
Will fill you in tomorrow.
Have a Beautiful weekend Anita… 🙂
PS~ Still no contact!
Bella~
September 29, 2018 at 5:11 am #228073AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
It happened to me too recently, mail going to junk mail. Enjoy that monster size piece of cheesecake! I love cheesecake. The fact that you didn’t call him back is wonderful, keep it that way. I hope you have a good time at the mall!
anita
October 12, 2018 at 5:19 pm #230605BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for a while. I hope you have been well. I have been really busy taking care of the house and dealing with shady Contractors. Starting to get fed up with people in general. I have been going to Lowes & Home Depot which is where my ex & I use to frequent on weekends for projects. My friends that work there weren’t shy about letting me know he came in with his new girl hanging all over one another while in the store and then he had the nerve to introduce her to them…
All told me they always knew he was a cheat, but didn’t expect him to cheat on our relationship. They asked how I was handling the situation & I was honest and told them it was humiliating that he would flaunt her like that, but I was dealing with it. It brought back a lot of old feelings which I have been trying to shake for the past week or so…I was doing so good losing weight & working out. Now I have been eating & eating everything that doesn’t move…
I hope you have a nice weekend and I will get back on track next week.
Bella~
October 13, 2018 at 6:26 am #230651AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I wish people stopped reporting to you sightings of your ex and his girlfriend! I suppose it entertains people to do so. I understand the stress with home repairs, it is the roof you mentioned before, that needs replacement. It is always something when you have a house to maintain. Pace yourself with the eating. I too reach out for food so to feel better. Lots of people do, struggling with this very thing.
anita
October 13, 2018 at 9:27 am #230713BellaParticipantGood Morning Anita,
Just got home from the vet…One of my babies wouldn’t let me touch his little paw last night (I usually massage his paws at night, seems to soothe him), but last night he wouldn’t let me touch his paw. So I got up this morning & took him to the vet & his nail had been ripped out and was infected. So glad I took him…my girlfriend said she would wait & so glad I followed my instincts!
I feel a little better today, but am gun shy from going to the hardware store as I can see my ex is still using my discount & now he is going to the location where I frequent. A girl at the store near me told me yesterday that he came in & purchased a lot of painting supplies…
I am so over hearing about things he does. He is so cruel. I will be glad when I can wake up & have NO feelings for him at all.
Have a nice weekend Anita~
Bella~
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