July 30, 2019 at 4:50 pm #305745
I feel like an embarrassment of humanity. Disgusting. Pathetic. Boring. A joke. Bizarre. Rotten. With nothing to offer. Incapable. Stupid. Ugly. Ridiculous.
I believe I am all that and don’t know how to move forward. It seems like I only do ok in the beginnings- new country, new relationship, new job… then fast forward a few months/years- I am and I am back to overthinking, feeling like “by now everyone knows the truth, they see the real awful me”. So I feel like I should make everyone a favor and leave/quit/move/go away.July 30, 2019 at 6:55 pm #305749
This makes me so sad to read. I don’t know you Lida, but it hurts me to think someone feels this way about themselves. And if a complete stranger wishes better for you, perhaps that can help, at least a little bit? It’s funny because everything you said above, I feel about myself… and while I feel it about myself… I’ll say it again: it hurts me to learn someone I don’t know feels it about themselves.
I wish good things for you, Lida.July 31, 2019 at 1:13 am #305785
Well, when we have violent thoughts toward ourselves, of course our vibration is low, our perspective becomes limited and everything in life will be colored grey. We will look at life half empty. Our energy will also show physically too. I empathize with you, because I still have some negative feelings inside me at times, exactly the ones you talk about.. but I refuse to give it power. I have asked myself why do I overthink and drive myself crazy? I mean this does not feel good at all. Then I realized my ego was attached to being angry and resentful toward myself for whatever reason. If I were to remove these negative feelings, who will I become then? Who am I going to become without this false identification I thought was real? I invite you to please look inside.. And ask why you do these things to yourself. Because in reality you are none of what you think you are. I mean we can’t help but find identity from other people’s reactions but what has really been helping me is being detached with both good and bad responses. And growing into the person I’m meant to become. Fill your life with what you love to do for you. Whatever it is, you’ll know because you feel good about yourself. F whatever anyone else thinks because this is your life to live. No one has control over you but you. Who is the master of your piece? Who is the author of your book? You’ve got two choices.. To live your life in fear or to live your life in love. Because at the end of the day we’re all alone and by ourselves. Follow your heart (love) and I promise you, your perspective about yourself will slowly but surely change.
July 31, 2019 at 1:39 am #305789
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by Danica.
We really do take ourselves and our accomplishments for granted. Is that your self talk? How about if you told yourself that you can’t be that stupid because you learned to walk, you learned to talk, you learned to read, you learned to write? What if you told yourself that you must have something to offer or you wouldn’t keep finding new relationships and new jobs? What if I told you that I thought you were very courageous – would you laugh at me? My truth is that I think you are very courageous.
What if everyone got to see the real wonderful, courageous, you. Every day is a new day – every day is a new beginning. Begin by dumping all those disgusting, pathetic, boring, rotten words and replacing them with new, exciting, positive words.
Try being interesting, lively, capable, funny, likable, adaptable.
Move forward with hope in your heart that you can see yourself in a much better light than the one you’ve been putting yourself in.
PeggyJuly 31, 2019 at 4:23 am #305799
It’s easy to see yourself in a negative light when you have no support system (if I had to guess). You are not seeing “You” being mirrored back from the Universe, so you naturally think that “You” are the problem!
Here’s my thought: You can spell. This is not trivial. How stupid, rotten, embarrassing, pathetic and disgusting can you be? A lot of people can’t spell. This shows me that you are well read and educated. And smart. They don’t teach spelling in school now like they used to, you know. Your post captured our attention so you are interesting. You’ve moved countries and gotten multiple jobs, something many of us would never or could never do, so you are capable.
Good luck to you, I hope you find “Your” People who will mirror back who “You” are!! You will!
July 31, 2019 at 9:05 am #305861
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by Inky.
Reads to me that when you were a child you were made to feel “like an embarrassment.. Disgusting… Incapable. Stupid. Ugly. Ridiculous”. You grew up and think: with a new beginning, “new country, new relationship, new job”, I have the chance of no longer being those things, but instead be worthy, capable, smart. Next what happens is your childhood experience returns.
Most people keep re-living their childhood no matter where they go or what they do. A new beginning brings hope and excitement until you find out life is the same-old-same-old.
This has been my experience. Is it yours?