September 26, 2019 at 7:43 pm #314545
So I hit my 25 year mid crisis & decided that I’ve lost my pizzazz…
in college I was super sociable & popular. Still a introvert but it was so much easier making friends..
Now that I’ve graduated and spent 90% of my life at work & home completely isolated from friends. And after getting out of a relationship with someone who made me feel lonelier than I already was. I decided to push myself to adopt a new sociable & adaptable ego so to speak.
I want to be me at my best, sociable , charming , adaptable , courageous , fierce … not just 10% of the time as usual but I want to be this way most times!
i challenged myself to go to events alone so I can force myself to socialize . I’m currently at a open event & everyone is cliqued up as usual & I came alone & socializing seems impossible. It’s a movie event and the movie has yet to start.
im sitting at a table alone while ppl socialize together. I feel like a idiot. Embarrassed. Alone & like people feel bad for me…
I shouldn’t have come out…
now im afraid to leave. I get in this weird habit of thinking people are watching me…
ugh. How would a socialite navigate this situation ?
How would I socialize with ppl when everyone is already happy with friends ??
🙁September 27, 2019 at 7:40 am #314631PeggyParticipant
I’m not the world’s best socialite but I have on many occasions gone to movies, group meetings, concerts etc. on my own. Conversations with others, women in particular, meet with comments such as “I wouldn’t be brave enough to do that”. I’ve just taken the view that if I want to see the movie, concert or whatever, it’s what I have to do. So I sit alone, smile on my face, drink on the table and attempt to look as if I’m enjoying myself. I might feel slightly uncomfortable but it’s only going to last for about 15 minutes until the event begins. Sometimes, I would ask to sit at a table that a couple might be occupying and usually a conversation begins. Being open and friendly is the best way forward and perhaps a simple explanation as to why you have had to go to the event alone could lead to you being included in one of the groups.
A socialite doesn’t really care what people think of him and knows that he has every right to be out in the midst of a social event. He wouldn’t be embarrassed, would enjoy being the center of attention, and wouldn’t be afraid to leave if he wanted to.
PeggySeptember 27, 2019 at 8:30 am #314647
If it is true that you had anxiety all your life (“I’ve had anxiety all my life”, previous thread), then “I want to be me at my best, sociable, charming, adaptable, courageous, fierce… not just 10% of the time as usual but I want to be this way most times!”- is an unrealistic expectation for yourself.
Here is an example of what I think is a more realistic expectation: I want to get better, over time, gradually. To be genuinely sociable at times, authentic, courageous and patient with myself.
anitaSeptember 27, 2019 at 10:26 am #314713
Hi Peggy , thanks so much !
ive been reading this new book on self mastery and it’s helping me tons.
Thanks Anita, I hear what you’re saying. It is a gradual goal. I don’t think me saying that I want to be more sociable than 10% is unrealistic at all. But I do hear you. To paraphrase I was trying to say that before graduation I actually was more sociable & post graduation and getting a full time Job I’ve scaled back a bit. So I’d like to get back to where I was. I have anxiety but I’m more on the high functioning end. And I’ve managed my anxiety pretty well with self discipline and really proud of that. I believe in setting realistic goals and this is what I’m doing and holding myself accountable to .
Thanks for your comments guys.
The book I’m reading is specifically on alter ego development which is a interest of mine. (Todd Herman). If anyone can give me more examples of how a socialite would navigate this situation. I’d appreciate it!September 27, 2019 at 10:57 am #314723
Can you explain to me what “alter ego” means to you- in the context of your thread here, do you mean that you want to adopt a socialite personality, sort of fake-it-till-you-make it?
anitaSeptember 27, 2019 at 12:12 pm #314751
as mentioned in the post & in my comment. I am trying to go back to being more social like I was in college. While utilizing a common psychological hack used amongst many well known sports psychologists when training athletes or even entertainers. It’s similar to the placebo effect. Utilizing capabilities your body already has, igniting it with an intention or by modeling someone or something that does it well . It would be followed by an integration of ego.September 27, 2019 at 12:30 pm #314753
People’s priorities change when moving from school/ college to the working world, lifestyle changes and so, “How to socialize” requires a new answer, a new strategy. I heard of meetup groups but never attended any. Maybe attending an acting class will benefit you- it did help me express myself in the context of a group. With a good teacher, an acting class can do wonders for “a Loner”.
anitaSeptember 27, 2019 at 2:06 pm #314763
Thanks Anita you’re very smart.September 27, 2019 at 2:14 pm #314767
You are welcome, Aiko, and thank you.