Lately I’ve been struggling with some old scars resurfacing. I recently found out that a girl who bullied me in high school is now engaged. My mom had always pushed me to be friends with her because we grew up close by and were two of the few Americans at our international school. Even my U.S. admissions consultant was adamant we’d inevitably “hit it off like a house on fire.” But in reality, she was snarky, nasty, and passive-aggressive, constantly mocking me for my socially awkward, “teacher’s pet” nature (later diagnosed as NVLD) and my heritage. She made me feel “weird, inferior, and dumb.”

Since being diagnosed with NVLD, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how misunderstood I was growing up. To be fair, I do have fond memories of my international school years and met people I wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise. But college was far more difficult — socially it felt like junior high on steroids.

I had a nightmare roommate in an all-girls dorm (something my mom encouraged, thinking it would lead me to nice, quiet peers). Instead, I was constantly sleep-deprived, harassed by her controlling fiancé, and gaslit by my RA. I ended up going home most weekends to survive, which only sabotaged my chances of building friendships. Ironically, that same RA is now in jail abroad. So yes, sometimes people’s actions do catch up with them — but the pain they caused still lingers.

Meanwhile, people like that “mean girl” from high school are moving on with their lives, settling down, getting married. And I’m still here — trying to heal, create meaningful friendships, and hopefully one day find a life partner. I have acquaintances, but my circle of true friends is very small.

The truth is, I don’t want enemies. I don’t want to hold on to resentment. I just want peace, and to know that even if my path looks very different from others, there’s still love and belonging ahead for me.

How do you stop spiraling about the unfairness of it all? How do you stop looking back at painful chapters — the missed opportunities, the disappointments, the hurt caused by people who seemed like they were supposed to be the “perfect friend” — so you can actually open your heart to the happiness, love, and friendships you deserve?