Hi Dorothee,

That happens a lot during meditation. The mind starts to drift to concerns of the past or future.  The single best thing I’ve learned from meditating is that I have the power to detach from all these concerns, and for me, knowing that I have this power is very important. Every morning when I wake up I know that whatever difficulty I face in the day ahead I will address, do my best to get through, and then detach from (let it go). That’s my daily motto!

I think the best way to make friends is to be yourself. I know, it sounds so cliché, but it really is true. You may say that you’re not quite sure who you are yet, and that’s totally normal. So what I would do is write a list of qualities that you think are important for a person to have, qualities that you want in yourself. For example, one quality that I want in myself is I never want to be someone who gossips about another person, so no matter what I won’t gossip. When other women come to me to tell me what so-and-so did, I just listen. I never add anything to their story. Another quality I want in myself is I choose my words very carefully. I never talk just to fill the silence. I stay quiet until I have something of value to say. These are two qualities that I admire in other people, so many years ago I decided that I wanted to have these qualities myself. So I made the decision that these are who I am, and I stick to that decision no matter what. I’m very stubborn that way (lol)! My list is long; yours can be too. So my point is, before you return to university, you get to decide what your values are and the qualities you want in yourself, and after you do, you can stick to it. Don’t change your values in order to get someone else to like you. I think that’s the best way to make the right kind of friends….and also to find the right partner.

Also, I believe that many universities offer free or low cost counseling services to help students get through anxiety and other problems. I would find out what your university offers and make counseling a priority in your life. I wish I had done that back when I was in college. What do you think?

B

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Brandy.

Hi Dorothee,

My main focus for university is to obviously earn the highest marks I can but I also want to have fun at the same time.

These are both great goals! I think another great one is to learn as much as you can while you’re there. Really learn, not just to get high marks but also to increase your knowledge in different areas. And it’s okay to question what you learn. Trust your instincts, do your own research, and draw your own conclusions.

…it still hurts whenever I think about the past, even though I know it is over and time for me to move on.

I think most people hurt when they think about certain parts of their pasts. I know I do! It’s part of being human, I think. But I believe that the hurt we feel can make us stronger. For example, take rejection. Rejection is awful and hurts terribly, but every time I get through the awful experience of being rejected I can feel how much stronger I am than before it happened. At first the hurt is really bad, and then one day I notice it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning, that I’m starting to feel a little better. Some days my feelings slip back to bad again, but over time the general trend is one of improvement, or feeling better.  And then I say to myself “Whew! You’re getting through this! You can handle this after all!” That makes me feel strong and proud of myself. It’s a process though; it doesn’t happen overnight, and this process can happen for different kinds of hurt, not just rejection.

What usually happens during frosh week of Uni? will I go to parties? is it as fun as everyone else says it is?

Each university has its own unique Frosh Week. Yours may include tours of the university and the residence hall you’ll living in (if you’re not commuting from home). There may be games, concerts, parades, clubs to join, videos to watch, parties, food, and you’ll probably be meeting a lot of other frosh. I don’t know, though, what your university will be doing. I hope that it’ll be really fun!

B

Hi Dorothee,

If I were you, I would let that concern go, that is, that my frosh week experience won’t be as good as it is for those who live on campus. Here’s how my thinking would go:

1. My situation is that I am unable to live on campus this term.

2. I can’t change my situation right now. I need to accept it.

3. Since there is nothing I can do about having to live at home this term, I’m going to detach from my concern because I have the power to do that. Bye-bye, concern!

4. I’m so excited for frosh week, uni, and meeting new friends! I’m going to make it a great week! 🙂

B