Here’s my situation (I care enough about my recent ex to create an account and post here as I think this topic has a lot of useful information in it!)

Relevant factors: I’m a male (38) dating a female (30), so a bit of an age gap. We are both newly dating as divorcees, both were divorced around 1.5 years ago. She has two small children and a job, so as a single mother she is always very busy.

We have dated around 4 months. It was very hot and very fast. To the point that I was curious if I was just a rebound to her. It felt like we had both known each other forever with personalities and senses of humor that meshed really well. Outside of one vacation and a couple other random nights she was free, we saw each other at least every Tuesday the last 4 months. Movie dates, dinner dates, or sometimes just make dinner in and chill. She did talk of me to her parents and siblings. Constant contact all day every day the entire 4 months: multiple forms of media, all initiated by her. Then last week, the dreaded break up text out of the blue. No call, no talk. “I can’t commit to someone else at this time, it’s not fair that I can’t see you more than once(ish) per week, we’re in different stages of life, I’m always here if you need something, it’s nothing you did and there’s no one else, I think you’re a great person, I’d like to stay in touch.” Sort of a “it’s not you it’s me” approach. It had seemed like in the week before the texting had lessened a bit – I know the comment is always the dumper always knows about this way before the dumpee, but I could tell there was a change. I had assumed she could have been busy working 50 hours a week. This obviously blindsided me a bit, especially having it all come via text…enter age gap joke here. I couldn’t help but think there was maybe more to the story – maybe someone else – and she was just trying to make me feel better about myself. Like there’s no way she’s just never going to date people because she has kids. Someone in her stage of life (single dad) would have much less time than someone like me without kids…I can meet with her whenever she wants.

We had talked about futures together, holidays, trips/vacations, what it would take to get married again, who would handle which household tasks, all kinds of things. It felt serious.

Reading a lot of these replies has been very helpful. I believe she has an avoidant insecure attachment. She admitted to having ADD. She has shared stories that would put her in the “daddy issues” category. Her father was always a part of her life, but was gone a lot. Later on it was discovered that he had a long-term affair. This led to her parents divorcing, then reconciling. All within the last couple years. She has also said there have been times in her life in which her, her sister, and her mom wouldn’t talk to her father for months…and potentially over major holidays. I feel like that’s also very relevant here.

It just blows my mind that things can go from hot-and-heavy, seemingly almost too much contact, words and actions of affection and long-term potential, to nothing at all without any other external factors. I can’t wrap my head around it, but based on this feed I can see this does happen.

I plan to give her space – it was REALLY hard the first couple days to not reach out since the idea of sending 50 messages to her every day (like the previous 120 days) felt innate at this point. I can’t imagine this doesn’t feel eerily weird to her as well. When she has her kids she’s probably very busy, but when she doesn’t she has to notice the gap in her life. She also has a much larger family/friend support group than I do, which may allow her to keep her mind busier than mine. My goal is to continue to work on myself while giving her some space. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care if she ever reached back out to me – at this point, I’m still hoping 2-4 weeks out she’ll realize she misses me and wants to reconnect. I also know that may never happen.

I believe it’s not the length of the relationship that matters, but the depth. I feel almost ridiculous saying a 4-month relationship was so deep, but this one hit differently in my heart for whatever reason.

I think that is all for now. Happy to share more info as needed.

TYIA

Hi Dave

I’m sorry to hear about the break up. Perhaps the depth of the relationship at 4 months led to the break up? Sometimes these things moving so quickly means that a decision needs to be made because if a decision isn’t made it means that you are leading the other person on. For whatever reason, she was not ready to continue the relationship. Perhaps she was trying to be kind by letting you down now, as opposed to later. Perhaps she was being honest in that it was nothing that you did. Perhaps she was just acting on her own feelings?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏