I like him a lot, but it has no future..

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This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by Anyone.

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September 2, 2014 at 7:13 am #64235

Anyone
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I just came here, to put out my feelings…

He is in my office, we know each other for couple of months now, we share good friendship and rapport. He likes to spend time with me. He hasn’t said anything directly, but I have mixed signals from his side.

I like him a lot…

He has set his mind since childhood to go for an arranged marriage as per his parents’ wish. And keeps mentioning this quite often whenever we are discussing on ‘marriage and relationships’. He is planning to get married next year as per his parents’ wish. But whenever he mentions about locking his mind to not get into love marriage, he seems embarassed or intimidated.

I like him so much, that it’s getting difficult to hold my feelings for him. That’s why I chose to come here and jot down my feelings.

To tackle my feelings, sometimes I cry whole-heartedly, sometimes it makes me frustrated and I decide to not talk to him, next day I can’t hold myself and I feel like he’s not at fault so why should I get angry on him….A vicious cycle!

Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I feel like let me just express my feelings for him; the expected denial makes me fearful and I stop and juggle with many thoughts…..

Thank you for reading !!

September 2, 2014 at 9:29 am #64245

Krista Jennings
Participant

Be good to yourself. I understand that there are mixed feelings. Be honest – which is being vulnerable.

September 2, 2014 at 10:11 am #64248

p22
Participant

Hi
Yes, I agree with Krista. Be honest with your feelings. I have been in similar situation as yours. I met someone I liked at office too and I end up liking him.. Later I figured that he liked me too but wasn’t showing anything. Sadly, my story ended soon as we couldn’t take it anywhere. But I think you should confess him and see where it goes. May be this guy likes you but scared to confess and caught up in what he has decided in his own head to do an arrange marriage.

September 2, 2014 at 10:18 am #64249

Gabriela
Participant

I always think being honest is the best choice (until a certain limit of course). You should be true to yourself and take a risk for someone who is so special to you, speak the truth, be honest, say what is on your mind, fight for what you want – if you feel like it is getting somewhere (and somewhere that will truly make you happy and is worth the fighting). The worst that can happen is you realizing that there is no reason why you should be chasing after someone who has clearly decided what it is he wants. Speak to him privately and be as open as you can be.

September 2, 2014 at 10:49 pm #64318

Anyone
Participant

Thank you Krista, Gabriela and Parul for your replies…:-)

He never denies to go anywhere I ask for his company; let’s see how it progresses…

September 4, 2014 at 10:48 am #64387

elephantgirl
Participant

Hey,

I agree that you can be honest and may be tell your feelings.. But the thing is how dou you feel if there is no future. I had a bad experience, i fell in love with my big love and we were working as PhD students at same department. It was a bit clear already from the beginning that we have no future because we were coming from different backgrounds, had different religons and different cultures. We were three years together. At the end when the things have to turn a serious step we end with break-up. I spent really nice time during this 3 years but at the end i had really pain. Sorry i gave my bad-experience as an example, every situation is of course different. Since you named it as no future i wanted to share it with you..

All the best ..

September 6, 2014 at 12:47 am #64459

Anyone
Participant

Thank you Elephant girl…

My thoughts are on the same lines..

September 6, 2014 at 12:58 am #64460

Anyone
Participant

Here we go….

As I couldn’t handle the internal conflict; Day before yesterday I told him that I like him more than a friend.

His reply was I had understood it already…I asked him if she shares the same, and the answer was No. He said…’I’m not into it’. It was an embarrassing moment; I ended the conversation soon after knowing his answer.

Later, he messaged saying ‘I’m sorry but I’m not this, hope you’ll understand’. I said I respect your thoughts and decisions.

Yesterday we were traveling (group of friends) to attend a friend’s wedding and he was being extra-caring. I don’t know what this is…May be he is trying to be polite and don’t want me to be hurt.

It’s just a hard time to cope with my feelings for him. I go into shell after returning from office and feel better. I prefer to avoid seeing him to come out of this. He has no idea what I feel for him and how difficult to overcome this.

I can see that he does have a heart, because he cares for me but how can one be so strong minded to follow/marry someone your parents choose. It’s a lifetime decision!

Anyways, I prefer to shut my mind, be strong and move on. No point in pondering over why he did this and that. If he has something for me and courage to proceed, he will come and confess, else….he’s just a good friend!

Thank you for reading this post..:-)

September 6, 2014 at 1:08 pm #64481

Cassandra
Participant

Hey
Have read your story n I am smiling thinking of my situation a year ago… I was in love with my best friend . i couldnt tell because we are so different. He has no goals in life etc. However i couldn’t suffer anymore n told hm. But he said it was not possible beacause in the end he will hurt me. i had most difficult situation in my life. I couldn’t accept his ignorance and the same time didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Then i held strong cz he was soo important to me. after 4-5 months he said he loves me n wants a relationship. when i asked why he said that he needed someone n my determination to love him compelled him to love me.
I was flying thinking i have got him, most amazing thing has happened in my life. we were planning our future together. But after 3 months he started to make distance. it was a hard time i didnt understand what was happening n he too was not clear. then he said that he cant keep up the relation because he wants to be free, he doesnt want binding.
i was again broken. But this time it was tougher as i felt insulted n didnt know what to do. i wold say i hold on him and tried to make everything work. I told him that it will be okay. but he insisted that he wont look behind n said to choose my way in life.
i was so depressed that i deactivated my Fb account n didnt contact him till now. i thought my life n I am worthless. however selp-help articles n tinybuddha has helped me alot.
now i am good by myself. I understand he had problems. i love those moments with him n i love him. But i choose not to hurt myself anymore. If he is Okay , I can also be good. though I hope he comes back.. if not thats okay too 🙂
just wanna tell you that in life we feel like dying thee’s nowhere or no one to help or understand. But the fact is its just time n some emotions. i loved him n got him n again lost him…. No regrets! i have done my best may be.
so please love yourself n dont push hard. Beautiful things happen in life.Either he loves you back or not , be happy within yourself.

September 7, 2014 at 9:11 am #64498

Anyone
Participant

Hi Cassandra,

Thank you for your reply..:-)

I know it is not going to go far…. It would be better to control my thoughts and feelings (sometimes I do let them come, feel it and then let it go). But it will be important to not immerse myself in it. For, It is tough and don’t wanna make it tougher.

I like to keep coming on this forum and share my thoughts. And it’s great to listen from people coming from different walks of life…The most touching thing is we don’t know each other yet we’re there for each other !

Pray for me to be able to handle my heart well….:-( It’s so difficult to not like him, (I resist to not use the more intense word here)…

Thank you all….Lots of love..
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