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I still have hope that he will come back

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #269377
    Reina
    Participant

    me and my boyfriend broke up 8 months ago and even though im the one that broke things off because there were many red flags after the breakup i was willing to fix things and be patient because i wanted an adult committed relationship with him but he seemed so relieved to be single and he said hes not ready for commitment and that he made a mistake getting into a relationship with me although he talked about marriage all the time and gave me false hope. I keep hoping every single day that he will come back and be willing to fix what we had and revive our love.. i mean im i crazy? Delusional? I cant accept the breakup because i never give up on the things i want and the people i love but it ses hopeless…

    #269379
    Reina
    Participant

    Seems*

    #269387
    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Reina,

    Your situation is very similar to my own. How long had you been with your ex?

    Mom afraid I don’t have any of my own words of wisdom as I’m a little behind you in terms of processing. But I know how it feels not to be able to accept it. It’s nearly unbelievable in a way.

    However, many kind tiny Buddha posters have written on my threads with tips and advice & support so perhaps some of those words can help you.

    It takes as long as it takes is one phrase used a lot around me. 8 months might need to be 18 months.

    S x

    #269393
    GL
    Participant

    Dear Reina,

    You’re having the big case of ‘what-ifs’ plus your instinctual reaction of wanting to fix something broken, it’s no wonder you’re hung up on your ex boyfriend.

    You have not given yourself the space to let go of this relationship that you have placed a lot of hope in, hoping that he is the one. You have not let go of your hope. Though I wonder if that ‘hope’ came from the need to prove something to yourself seeing as there were many “red flags” you arbitrarily chosen to ignore during the your term together and even now, you wish to ‘fix it’.

    So it is delusional to think that your ex boyfriend would be happy to try to ‘fix’ this broken relationship? Yes, it is. He had already made his stance, it is you who is not letting go.

    You might not want to give up on ‘people’ you love, but if those people don’t respect nor have any affections for you, are you then being kind to yourself or making a desperate attempt for something else? After all, your relationship can be ‘fixed’ or so you hope, but if your ex boyfriend did not make the attempt the first time, then it’s not likely he will make the attempt the second time when he does not have a reason to.

    You’ve shown that you love yourself and that you have respect for yourself by breaking up with your ex boyfriend so why would you want to go back on your decision now? What makes him so special when there were so many red flags during your relationship? Red flags you are willing to overlook to fix this broken relationship.

    What stories are you telling yourself about this breakup? Take a step back and look at it without reacting to it. Look at it then ask yourself why are you telling the stories in this particular way?

    So rather than focus on the fact that you can’t forget him, you should be focusing on why you can’t forget him. That’s probably what you should be focusing on. This is not about how you can ‘fix’ him to ‘fix’ your broken relationship, it’s about what you’re choosing to ignore in favor of regretting over your breakup. Because you are making your ex boyfriend the subject rather than the object in your stories about your break up and its aftermath, you are not addressing your fears nor are you addressing your disappointment, your anger, your hurt about your relationship; none of which is mentioned in your post. If there were many red flags, what were they and what is your real feelings about them? You need to address that and more about your previous relationship and you need to be honest to yourself about each of them. You don’t need to paint your ex boyfriend as the worse human being on earth, but you need to be honest about his actions and your reactions; also, your actions and his reactions. Most importantly, don’t rationalized your feelings, let them be what they will be.

    Take it slowly, one thing at a time. It’s not impossible to move forward, but you must allow yourself the time and space, the compassionate and kindness from you to your heart.

    Take care of yourself.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by GL.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by GL.
    #269443
    Reina
    Participant

    I guess its the fact that we are on bad terms and we tried to be friends and he couldn’t do that either he just ghosted and so i feel like thats what’s upsetting me. That we cant be in each others lives what so ever and i cant even ask how hes doing every once in a while. Im cool with all my ex friends and boyfriends i dont like to just cut people off and pretend i never knew them, but he does. So..

    #269623
    Valora
    Participant

    I guess its the fact that we are on bad terms and we tried to be friends and he couldn’t do that either he just ghosted and so i feel like thats what’s upsetting me. That we cant be in each others lives what so ever and i cant even ask how hes doing every once in a while. Im cool with all my ex friends and boyfriends i dont like to just cut people off and pretend i never knew them, but he does. So..

    This might just be teaching you a lesson that life wants you to learn…. that sometimes you just have to let people go, whether you want to or not. You did what you could and it’s him that doesn’t want the contact, so just work on detaching from him altogether and if he reaches out to you in the future, after some time, continue the friendly relationship then.

    Your mind wants to hold onto him because you’re attached. Talking to him makes you feel good and releases “happy” chemicals into your body, so your mind wants more… it’s like an addiction… but as soon as you’re able to detach from him more and find that happy feeling in other things and other people, you won’t feel such a need to want to talk to him and it won’t feel so painful.

    #269631
    Reina
    Participant

    You’re right i guess we cant always have what we want and thats a lesson i needed to learn

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