-You can stop loving him if you want to. Sometimes love really is a choice: If you see him the way he is, you will no longer feel love for him.
Your current loving feeling for him, seems to me, is fueled by your hope and desire that he is not… who he is: a man who has been angry at you for a long time, and who therefore wanted you to be in pain for that length of time.
I actually have been quite angry lately, which I know is part of the healing process. I have blocked him from my phone and he began emailing me. I don’t check my email that often, but on Valentine’s Day I had about 8 emails from him professing his love for me, saying he can’t live without me, how sorry he is…etc. I didn’t see these until Monday. He apologized for walking out of therapy; said he was angry at what the therapist said, not what I said. Which I have no idea what he’s talking about. As far I as recall, my psych simply asked what he thought about what I said.
Anyway, I feel lighter these days. I feel no need to respond. I have my own therapy next week….I’m still working on me. But I do feel strong and have been working on boundaries, which is what gave me the strength to “stand up” in the last therapy session.
You are welcome and thank you for replying so soon. Women on this site, in the Relationships Forum, often complain about the men in their lives and I’ve never automatically taken the woman’s side just because she is a woman. I took the man’s side whenever I felt that the woman is in the wrong.
In the course of my communication with you, over time, I learned that in your case, this man is definitely in the wrong and has been in the wrong for a long, long time, being selfish and unrepentant, causing you (and your daughter) pain and suffering. The anger you feel for him today, to some extent- I felt for him long ago and throughout, including today as I read your Valentine update. He is.. not a decent person, Katie. He is not honest, not dependable, not reliable, not trustworthy and not even a seed of a motivation to look within himself and heal from what ails him.
I wish that you do not regress and give him any more of your forever-till-the-end, and instead, that you continue and move forward in your healing process.