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I’m addicted to nostalgic feelings and it only makes me feel worse, I guess.

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  • #405079
    miyoid
    Participant

    Hey Anita, I hope you’re having a great week.

    I sometimes see a dream where I have two relationships at the same time. I get nervous about that and I freak out. I just realized that I saw lots of dreams about that in the past months. I also saw another dream last night where I was coming across with a girl I knew online, kind of a persona, she is like a life coach or something. She sometimes shares texts about lots of people asking for help with long texts, without asking first and she hates that. I don’t even know her, but I saw her in my dream. I was preparing a letter for her, like the ones I write to you, diligently trying to express what happened and how I feel. After I get where she is, to give the letter, I realize that my letter started to melt. My letter was on an ice, in a small container. I see the water and remnants of my melted letter and I feel bad about it. Now I have to write all of that all over again, let alone putting my thoughts in an order. So much work! After a while, I realize that it was the right thing to happen, since it was rude for me to put all of my stuff there for that person to help me. How selfish was that? I was scared of that girl’s boundaries and I was grateful that my letter was melted. I don’t see my own boundaries here in this dream. All these years, I saw others’ boundaries and I acted accordingly. This doesn’t sound fair.

    Sometimes I see quotes on “being scared is the worst thing you can do, it’ll happen” and so on. I think of double-slit experiment and I worry that the stuff I’m afraid can happen if I don’t put my thoughts in order. You probably know the experiment, but it shows that if a detector observes the photons, they behave differently compared to when no observer is present. It creates an idea that the possibilities of a situation is endless, but when the observer is present, a possibility manifests. If the observer wouldn’t be there, no possibility would manifest. I guess this experiment paves the way for the ones that think their thoughts actually shape the reality. This sounds like a strong distortion to a scientific theory. I’m not religious at all, but I am not familiar with safety enough to be able to be free from those superstitious thoughts. I am not a person with strong opinions, I can reject this idea at a dinner table and then doubt myself the next day. I wonder what strong or not strong opinions you might have on this…

    #405080
    miyoid
    Participant

    Just checked some of the old topics I’ve started and I found your reply from June 7, 2019.

    Your future partner will have his own problems to work on. The two of you will help each other learn, identify problems, experiment with different solutions and always treat each other with respect.

    Made me smile, I didn’t realize I posted here so much since.

    #405084
    anita
    Participant

    Der miyoid:

    I will be able to read and reply to you in about 9 hours from now.

    anita

    #405087
    anita
    Participant

    Dear miyoid:

    I think of double-slit experiment and I worry that the stuff I’m afraid can happen if I don’t put my thoughts in order“- if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it (that is, no one is there to observe it), does it make a sound? Depends on how sound is defined:  if it is defined as a mechanical wave of pressure originating at the location of the fall, and moving through the air away from the location, then yes, it makes a sound.

    If you define sound as the reception of a mechanical wave of pressure(ex., by an ear), then no, it does not make a sound.

    I worry that the stuff I’m afraid can happen if I don’t put my thoughts in order … (that) thoughts actually shape reality. This sounds like a strong distortion to a scientific theory… I wonder what strong or not strong opinions you might have on this“-

    – unlike the analogy of the falling tree, the only possibility for your thoughts to make a sound/ to shape reality is if there is a reception to your thoughts. The only way for there to be a reception is if you communicate your thoughts to someone else (1) with words, saying or writing/ typing words for someone to hear or read, or (2) with facial expressions and physical acts.

    For example, you can think in regard to a particular person: I hate him! You can even say it out loud, but if you are alone and there is no one to hear your words, then nothing happened. No reality was shaped. If you have this thought when in the company of others, but you don’t communicate it (you don’t say it, you don’t yell, you don’t hit, you don’t look someone in the eye, move your eyebrows close together and expose your teeth… then nothing happened. No reality was shaped.

    Your thoughts are your private domain, your private matter. Organized or not, orderly or messy, nice or not- your thoughts are your business and no one else’s. They are a matter of no consequence unless communicated.

    I was preparing a letter for her, like the ones I write to you, diligently trying to express what happened and how I feel. After I get where she is, to give the letter, I realize that my letter started to melt…After a while, I realize that it was the right thing to happen, since it was rude for me to put all of my stuff there for that person to help me“- what an interesting, fascinating imagery, the melting letter… I don’t want your letters to melt. I want you to keep posting here and to courageously express yourself to people in real-life.

    I found your reply from June 7, 2019… Made me smile, I didn’t realize I posted here so much since“- it made me smile that you looked back to what I posted for you more than three years ago. Thank you for my first smile of the day!

    anita

     

    #405099
    anita
    Participant

    Dear miyoid:

    After submitting the post above yesterday, I realized that there is a lot more to the question you brought up: Do “thoughts shape the reality”?

    1. Superstitions and OCD: you mentioned “superstitious thoughts“. A superstition is an irrational belief (no evidence to back it up) that an object or an activity can shape reality. An example of believing that an object can shape reality is hanging a horseshoe on the door of one’s house so to attract good luck and wealth. An examples of believing that an action can shape reality is crossing fingers so to attract good luck, or scare away bad luck.

    Superstitions are often motivated by fear that in reality, something bad is about to happen. The objects and activities are supposed to protect the person from bad-things-happening aka bad luck (and to make good things happen, aka good luck).

    Problem is that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is about taking superstitions too far. For example, every time a person sees a horseshoe, or imagines it, he or she HAS TO TOUCH IT (or an object that represents it), or touch it in a certain way, or do something with it (ex., turn around 3 times while holding it), otherwise- so it feels- something bad will happen.  As a person who suffered from OCD myself, I remember that when I had a thought of something bad (ex. that my mother will die), I was afraid that the bad thing will happen because I thought it. Therefore, I lived in terror of…my own thoughts.

    Superstitions and OCD obsessions, compulsions and rituals do not shape reality in the ways the sufferer fears (ex., my mother did not die), but the fear driving the OCD shapes the reality of the sufferer and of the people around who are affected by the sufferer’s condition.

    2. Thoughts and Actions: actions (facial and bodily physical expressions, tone and volume of voice, words articulated, physical actions) when done to another person or in the presence of another person communicate things to the other person, and that communication can shape the reality of that other person. Examples: if I hit someone, the person I hit will feel physical pain. If I yell and articulate abusive words to a person, the person will feel emotional pain.

    But thoughts by themselves, when you think them when you are alone, or when you think them but do not communicate them in certain ways to another person-  still have power because overall, our thinking habits do get communicated. For example, if a person is habitually angry, it will show in the person’s face and attitudes, and it will affect some other people’s realities, as well as the angry person’s own reality. Basically, we do affect other people and we do shape reality every day, in some ways.

    Key is to FIT our thinking to reality so that there is a match. The greater the fit between my thinking and reality, the better my mental health and the better I affect other people/ shape their reality and mine. Thing to remember though is that another person with a poor fit (between his/ her thinking  and reality) may perceive me not in the way that I am and therefore be affected not by me, but by his/ her distorted view of me.

    Does any of this helps you in any way, miyoid?

    anita

     

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