Dear myoid:

I read the difficult question you asked at the end of your recent post yesterday, figured I will need more time to answer, therefore I wrote to you that I will be back the morning after, but.. I forgot, I apologize for not being back to you at the time I said I will be.

I need to do some research about a couple of things you mentioned in your recent post before I attempt to answer the difficult question you asked. I will therefore make a note to return to your thread this time on time, first thing Monday morning my time, which is in about 15 hours from now.

anita

Dear miyoid:

I read your recent two posts and there is so much in them that I want to take my time tomorrow morning, when I am rested, hopefully, to re-read and reply thoroughly. For now, I like the idea of you applying to foreign universities and living abroad, away from your family. It reminds me that when I thought about leaving my country, I inquired about a Public Health university in the U.S.- it didn’t happen, but if it did, I could be one of the public health professionals working on the pandemic right now!

I too considered becoming a vegan, wanted to be clean from the inside and believed being a vegan will accomplish that. Like you though, I love cheese. Only I like it melted, as in pizza or cooked with egg, or melted on top of chicken. On this cheesy note, I will say goodbye for now, and will be back to your thread in about 16 hours from now.

anita

Dear miyoid:

You are welcome and I am glad that I made you smile. You shared that after your parents broke up and you were living with your mother, when she was at work- you were by yourself, feeling safe and doing whatever you wanted to do.

After she remarried, you moved to a dorm and then to a shared flat. In these new places you tried to recreate that feeling (“feeling safe and doing whatever I wanted to do… that person who is 13-15 years old, alone in her room, doing stuff on computer”).

You shared that you are back living with your flat mates and boyfriend and that the structure where you all live was checked for its safety in regard to a possible future earthquake. You feel that you are a better person since the earthquake a month ago, and that you want to make the world a better place.

You also shared that you spent a day with your sister and realized that she and your father are narcissistic, that your father made you “feel like nothing”, that life with him “on the inside.. was hell”. He “made himself the victim after all those years of abusing his wife and children” . Your sister is “exactly like him”, and being exposed to her “makes you feel like garbage”. You cried for three hours after spending the day with her. You shared that she doesn’t even know you, she “just wants my help when she needs it and that’s it.

You are considering attending a second university to study psychology, maybe a foreign university, if it can be arranged financially, and you are wondering if that would be “just an excuse to run from working full time and the adulthood and saving 3-4 years to work part time and think about what I want”.

My comments today:

You wrote earlier: “I simply feel exploited, exhausted.. more scattered”- I think that your mother, your father, and your sister have been/ are mentally exploiting you, and this mental exploitation is exhausting you, causing you to be mentally scattered, not focused, distracted, unable to carry on a life that makes sense to you.

Ending contact with all of them, I believe, will make it possible for you to slowly recover from these many years of mental exploitation and exhaustion, so that you are able to live in a focused way.

You suggested that the only times you felt safe and peaceful was after your parents divorced when your mother was at work and you were home alone– it felt so good because they were not there.

When they were there with you- they exploited you mentally and exhausted you. That’s why it was such a wonderful relief to be alone.

You wrote earlier that you were “emotionally and physically abandoned by both of my parents several times”- you don’t owe either one to be there for them. You owe yourself to plan a life that is good for you. As I see it, that life needs to be far away and separate from your family.

“I have had a few boyfriends.. they kinda did everything they wanted and let me go when they got bored. And during the process, I just thought I was being loved. These also make me feel ‘exploited’ as well. I feel really old, but I’m 22. I cannot dream properly, I cannot make plans”-

– make sure that you are not exploited again, not only by boyfriends, but by family as well. Don’t let your family do whatever they want to do to you in the name of love, thinking that you are loved by them. Put together a plan to move away from them sometime later in 2021 perhaps (when it is much safer, after effective vaccinations).

anita

Dear miyoid:

How are you?

anita

Dear miyoid:

Good to read from you and congratulations for getting your job at a Health Tourism office- reads exciting to me! I am fine, thank you- winter is in progress here, in the Pacific Northwest, USA- recently I’ve been missing the warmer weather I knew elsewhere, although I hated the high humidity there.

Regarding the friend/ rival, there are a couple of issues here, as I see it, the first is clear to me, the second is not clear enough:

1. There is a lack of compatibility between the two of you: (a) you are very intelligent and educated; she is not (“she is not very literate”), (b) you are a hard worker; she is looking for the easy way (“she always tries to find the easier way”), (c) you look into the depth of things; her focus is on the superficial (“obsessed with titles and how we look”)- So, there is not much of a basis to connect with her, no mutual objective to tackle together.

2. You feel anger at her (“I feel the urge to make her feel like she is ignorant.. making me attack her.. I feel the need to argue with her most of the time.. her easy way arounds actually disgust me”), and jealousy (“I get jealous because I don’t really have those easy way arounds”).

An online definition of jealousy: an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has.

I know, and I bet you know, that some people who are uneducated and not very intelligent- are very successful in real-life, at least from the outside. Take the president of the U.S.- exceptionally uneducated, ignorant, does not read, unintelligent, yet he got to be The President of this country and recently more than 70  millions voted for him. There are many lesser examples, yet infuriating. See, I wrote infuriating because it angers me. It angers me because it is not fair! This is not how things should be. The world would be a much better people if qualified (and good) people held powerful positions, be it a politician or a teacher, or anyone else whose work includes contact with the public.

Back to the friend- is it that you feel that even though she is ignorant, superficial, and looking for the “easy way arounds”-  she still may be more successful than you, which is unfair, similar to my sentiment above?

anita