Hi Lost soul,

I think the part of you that does not want to give up on him is just there because you have formed an attachment to him, but that will go away after you give yourself time to detach (but you have to stop talking to him for that to happen) and hopefully then meet someone better suited for you.

If you take the advice to figure out what your needs are and to write a list of those things, a good one to add is that you want your guy to be focused on you when you are having phone/video conversations instead of multitasking.  There are plenty of guys out there who would just stay focused on you when you’re talking, but it seems this guy isn’t one of them.  I would also hold out for a guy whom you have more things in common with.  That’s important, too.

Dear Lost soul:

If you re-read your  own posts on this thread, you may see for yourself that this man is not interested in a relationship with you, or if he was interested at any one time, his interest has been very weak.

And yet, you keep hoping that what he told you and what he did (clearly indicating anywhere between no interest and a very weak interest) is… not so.

The answer to your dilemma (“In a dilemma” is the title of your thread) is on page on of this thread. It is just that you are not trusting that answer to be the truth, keep wanting it to not be the answer, is what I understand.

anita

Dear Lost soul:

Be careful then, keep your hopes low, be guarded and try to observe and listen to what he says in an objective way, best you can, asking him questions intended to understand better who he is, what he wants, what he values. If he shows up, make it a learning experience for you.

Don’t let unchecked hopes magnify certain words he says on one hand, and  on the other mute some other words, that is, listen to everything he says, not just to what feeds your hopes to get married (I understand that although your parents don’t pressure you to get married, you feel such pressure yourself?)

anita

Dear Lost soul:

The word in your username, lost- the more we know, the less lost we are. As I suggested, when you do meet him, ask him questions so to know more about him, what he values in a potential wife, what he values about marriage and so  on, learn and make informed choices based on… the information you gather.

anita

For example, if we are video calling at night, he would multi-task and scroll through social media. In the past I have told him that if for 15 minutes he could just pay attention to me. He thinks it’s not a big deal and I am just over-reacting and being too emotional about it.

Lost soul,

I’m glad to hear that, even though he tells you this is a big deal and that you’re overreacting, that you realize that you aren’t overreacting. Asking someone to stop scrolling through their social media and focus on you for 15 minutes is not at all an unreasonable request.  If that’s how he responds when you ask him to do a very reasonable thing for you, he definitely isn’t a good guy to date.