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In Need of Support

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  • #143735

    Hi Everyone,

     

    I came here probably a year ago for advice and support, and it went really well. I have since been doing really well, but have been struggling again lately. I needed somewhere to write about whats been going on, and hopefully get some encouraging words of love and support because this is a really hard time for me.

     

    To give you some background, by father has had CFS for over a decade now, which has diminished his quality of life pretty significantly. Over the last three years, both of my siblings have developed the disease as well. Not much is known about it, and my family has been part of numerous drug trials. The latest as of this week is my dad will be placed on chemo therapy. IT’s a last ditch effort and his will to live doesn’t seem very high these days.

    It is unknown if these disease is genetic, but it seems pretty clear to me that it is when you look at my family history. My dad got it at 50, my sister and brother both in their 30s. I’m in my 20s, and terrified. All we know so far is that the disease seems to be triggered by pushing yourself during viral infections (aka, working out when you’re sick).

    In my present, I have been dating a lovely man for just about a year. He is exceptionally active, probably 2 standard deviations more than most people. His father is sick with terminal cancer which of course has been very hard for him, and he is dating a girl who was a very high potential of getting an autoimmune disorder which will prevent her from doing all of the active things he enjoys.

    We are at a point now where we are discussing moving in together, and I fear that my genetics are part of whats holding him back. Hes a good person. Anyone would be afraid. But god I’m so afraid I’m going to end up alone. I cant imagine anyone wanting to put up with this. As of present, I’ve had what seems like a pretty harmless cough for 5 weeks, but I’m terrified to do anything active because it could trigger CFS and I dont want to take the risk. So in a young relationship, we have gone 5 weeks without being able to do the things we love…hike..camp..gym..climb..etc. I can imagine he sees this and thinks its what his life could be.

     

    I know there’s no solution. I know life will go on if he leaves. I know I’m emotional and negative. But I’m afraid constantly and I just need someone..anyone to tell me its going to be okay.

    #143739
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wanting to be anonymous:

    CFS: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a syndrome.  A syndrome is “a group of symptoms that consistently occur together.” The cause of a syndrome is not necessarily one cause for all people suffering the syndrome, and there can be a few causes for one particular sufferer.

    Various symptoms and factors relating to a syndrome may be thought of as the cause (the “egg” let’s say) while they are the result (the “chicken”).

    The cause or causes for your father’s CFS may very well not be the same as your brother’s or sister’s. CFS, like other syndromes, is not something someone gets or catches. Often, with CFS, the development of the syndrome (combination of symptoms) is gradual.

    In genetics, eye color is determined clearly. For example (as far as I know)- a child can have blue eyes only if both parents carry a gene for blue eyes, recessively or dominantly, and there is no other way. CFS is definitely far, far from being passed on like blue eyes, if there is at all any genetic element to it in some people.

    Your very fear, coupled by getting the flu can cause an escalation of symptoms. You are sick, you feel brain fog, your cognitive functioning is not as good as before, you feel tired… your anxiety increases, and brain fog increases (it increases for anyone suffering anxiety). This may have happened with your siblings.

    Does this help?

    anita

    #143741
    AceLs
    Participant

    For what it’s worth, I think you should just try to live in the present moment & enjoy life as much as you can. The future will take care of itself and you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Why poison your present moments with negative thinking ? Just practice balance with your physical activity & hope for the best ….. same thing with the boyfriend, go ahead & move in with him and enjoy your life as it currently is. When things change you guys can always re-evaluate the situation and decide if you wanna stay together. Hope this helps.

    #143751
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    I know it is easy said then done but if you keep focusing on “the what if” in every start of your sentences you will never able to overcome any of your negative thoughts and increase your unhappiness in life. You deserve to be happy like and loved, so do what makes you happy and live in the present moment that is all you can do. Worrying is the worse disease we can ever take on in life, so let go and move forward.

    I believe that if you are happy, everything else is figureoutable:) So love yourself enough to give yourself a chance to be happy!

     

    #143753

    Thank you everyone. Does anybody have suggestions as to how I can live in the moment and be happy? Actionable items? Im trying not to have to see a psychiatrist daily hah :/

    #143793
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi wanting to be anonymous,

    I was seeing a psychiatrist a few years back but I decided to stop because I realized it didn’t help me as much as I thought it would be. So what I have discovered and wrote on my blog were the followings:

    – Find something that you love to do alone or group (mine was team sports)

    – Meditate (I do it 10 mins a day before or after bed because it calms your mind to think better)

    – Read (I would recommend “The Art of Happiness” by Dalai Lama)

    – Exercise (I do it when I don’t feel like doing it:) hope that makes sense, it is very uplifting and you will feel amazing after physically and emotionally)

    -Try new things every weekend, whether is cooking or explore a new neighborhood

    -Travel more (plan a getaway weekend with your girls or partner)

    Hope it helps.

    Cheers.

    #143795

    It does 🙂 A lot of my struggle is that I’m currently sick and cant be physically active. Thats generally what helps me feel better. But the other suggestions are wonderful.

    #143835
    pinchofattitude
    Participant

    Hi wanting to be anonymous, hope you feel better and nothing serious. Glad I can help.

    #143879
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi Wanting to be anonymous,

    There are innumerable articles over the web that teaches about living in the present moment.

    I simply did a web search on the text that you wrote  “how I can live in the moment and be happy” and found several good articles. So you may want to do the same.

    Also if you are into books then you can read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle whose core teaching is about ‘Presence’.

    There are several Eckhart Tolle videos on YouTube too.

    Warm Regards,

    VJ

     

     

    #144051
    sai
    Participant

    recently i think i fell in love with one of my clsmates.Actually i am not intersted in loving her but it is becoming an involuntary action in getting thoughts continuously about her.I have completely lost my focus on my career due to thoughts of seeing her and talking to her and expeting something from her.I am currently in a very big distraction about that girl.I am an entepreneur and i have so many responsibilities that i have to take up.But i am not able to concentrate on my career due to he.Even while writing this also i am continuously getting thoughts about her.Please find me a solution.

    #144053
    sai
    Participant

    recently i think i fell in love with one of my clsmates.Actually i am not intersted in loving her but it is becoming an involuntary action in getting thoughts continuously about her.I have completely lost my focus on my career due to thoughts of seeing her and talking to her and expeting something from her.I am currently in a very big distraction about that girl.I am an entepreneur and i have so many responsibilities that i have to take up.But i am not able to concentrate on my career due to he.Even while writing this also i am continuously getting thoughts about her.Please find me a solution.

     

    #149769
    jon kirkham
    Participant

    Look at the positives in your life. Focus on those. It’s not about blocking the negatives out as such, they’re not going to go away. They’re still there, sometimes they either subdue, increase or just disappear altogether. Uncertainty is just part of life. Hence why being present is essential. Like some of the other replies; do new things, do enjoyable things together. Having a partner you love and who loves you, together you can drive each other to be more present in the moment and appreciate what you have together, and continue to build on it. You’re still alive, everybody you know and love are still with you, and you’re with them. Make the most out of the time you have.

    Clear your mind of the emotions and be present with the fact you’re alive and think of the positives in your life.

    There are no easy words or actions other people can do to help you as much as you and your mind can enable you to do yourself. But people still care, we care, else why else would we try and express ourselves to you, spiritual hugs and heart felt sincere smile that also radiate from my eyes – be present in the moment

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