Home→Forums→Tough Times→Intrusive and Anxious Thoughts
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kshiti1502.
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June 10, 2024 at 5:54 pm #433677
anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
You are always welcome!
(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “I am rushing, I do feel lagging behind.. I am living under self-inflicted pressure… I want to release this pressure now… my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are hindering me… And just like that, I scrolled my mobile phone for less than a minute and I came across something that again triggered my anxiety and intrusive thoughts… I do accept that I have a habit/tendency of self-loathing from a long time”-
– As a person who suffered from heavy-duty OCD for (I am guessing) 25 years, a Rushing person: mentally and physically (I was “blessed” with Tourette tics which is like the muscles are rushing with nowhere to go),- I can tell you (some if it told again, I suppose) what worked for me:
1) Psychiatric medications: Sertraline and later, Fluvoxamine (two of the SSRI anti-depressant used off label for OCD. I have a distinct memory when I first took Sertraline (prescribed by a psychiatrist), I felt that the drug was like a pair of scissors that cut off my obsessive/ intrusive thoughts (I no longer take any psychiatric drugs since 2013).
2) Psychotherapy (2011-13): Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with a heavy dose of Mindfulness.
3) One day, I remember it well, I asked myself: what power does an intrusive thought really have? I purposefully thought “dangerous” thoughts and realized that nothing really happened as a result. I understood that the intrusive thoughts happen only in the distance between my two ears, and not beyond. When I no longer feared my thoughts.. they stopped being intrusive, they were just thoughts, mere thoughts and nothing more.
4) I used to compare myself to others, most unfavorably, feeling like a failure in comparison. One day I accepted my failures, no longer fighting within, no longer resisting.. it took the pressure off.
5) Through.. eventually, feeling empathy for myself, I no longer loathe myself: I am on my side, I am for me; not against me.
anita
June 11, 2024 at 4:31 pm #433727
kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
Thanks for sharing your journey with me, it is reassuring to know that what I am facing can be solved. I am having a session with my therapist tomorrow, I hope I can use therapy to heal myself. I try to remind myself that these intrusive thoughts are not my reality, they are not dangerous; but they feel so real, and their effect over my life, my emotional health and my view towards life itself is so real. How can I free myself from the constant comparisons and insecurities? I think I have some self-esteem issues and this scholarship situation and the subsequent intrusive thoughts made it worse.
About not feeling happy- I feel down most of the time, even when good things/exciting things are happening. I do not know if this would be the right word to use, but I feel depressed. This might partially be due to my intrusive thoughts and partially due to my internal pressure, but it keeps me weary and teary. Even at this moment I am on verge of crying.
I would like to have your thoughts over this.
Kshitij
June 11, 2024 at 5:27 pm #433733anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
You are welcome! I read your post right above and I want to put together a thoughtful reply in the morning, when my brain is hopefully rested. It’s Tues evening here, Wed 1:27 am in the UK. Please do your best to relax: give yourself an empathetic hug (place your arms across, over your shoulders as you lie down).. it may help a bit..?
anita
June 11, 2024 at 6:02 pm #433734anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
I decided to reply this evening because if I reply tomorrow, that would be after your session with your therapist. So, before your session, my input is that I believe that you do need professional help with your depression.
My understanding of depression, as well as intrusive thoughts, is that your brain is in the chemical habit (neurotransmitters secreted in the brain, hormones secreted into the blood) of depression and intrusive thoughts. To change this habit, it’d take a serious commitment to a new habit: a new daily routine of physical exercise, mindfulness-guided meditations, Tai Chi, and/ or yoga, etc. If you don’t have the ability to embark on such a daily routine, then anti-depressants that are effective at relieving depression and obsessive/ intrusive thinking is your best bet, not for a lifetime, but for a while, so to take the edge of the distress, giving you the relief that you need.
I hope you address possible solutions, including (temporary) psychiatric drugs with the therapist tomorrow!
anita
June 12, 2024 at 4:20 pm #433780anitaParticipantHow are you, Kshitij?
Anita
June 12, 2024 at 4:50 pm #433783kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
Thanks for checking on me. The session with my therapist went okay, I could not share anything at all. She tried to begin with asking the reasons why I couldn’t share this with her or with anyone else but I did not speak on that too. We then first looked at a ‘support system’ that would help me, which included things like watching something or reading, talking to a friend, practicing faith, breathing exercises, gratitude journal etc. She asked me to also maintain a journal where I write one good thing that happened in the day. I told her that I have been trying many of these for quite some time but it does not help usually. We then discussed that how I can help myself by changing my environment in the coming summer breaks. But we did not talk about the thoughts and emotions more or less. She told me that while I do not have to get ‘uncomfortable’ in therapy, I should also understand that this is something urgent and needs to be addressed. I do not know whether/how much I will be able to share in the next session.
About how I feel, I have been feeling depressed the whole day. Tried to uplift myself by watching something or studying, but there is a heaviness inside me. It did get slightly better in the evening. As far as medicines are concerned, I will not take that option. Sorry Anita if I sound stubborn or rude but I cannot and will not go down that road. I hope things get better (even if slightly) without them, that’s my only bet.
Thanks
Kshitij
June 12, 2024 at 5:03 pm #433784anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
I read your update, and will reply further tomorrow. For now, I accept your assertion that you will not go the psychiatric medicine route. I hope you sleep better tonight!
Anita
June 12, 2024 at 7:51 pm #433789anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
Again, I am replying sooner than I planned.
“I have been feeling depressed the whole day. Tried to uplift myself by watching something or studying, but there is a heaviness inside me. It did get slightly better in the evening… I hope things get better (even if slightly) without (psychiatric medicine), that’s my only bet. Thanks Kshitij“-
– you are welcome!
Question: are you able and willing to commit to a daily routine of (1) aerobic exercise (jogging or fast walking), (2) yoga and/ or Tai Chi and (3) a few guided mindfulness meditations?
anita
June 13, 2024 at 6:50 am #433809kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
Thanks. I can give my best effort for this routine but there is only one thing that might hinder aerobic exercises and yoga- I have some sort of nerve compression at the moment for which I am following an exercises regime already, it does cause severe pain at times. Otherwise, I am willing to commit to this routine. Please tell me what should I do.
Kshitij
June 13, 2024 at 8:25 am #433812anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
You are welcome. I am sorry to read that you suffer from a nerve compression that causes you severe pain..
“Please tell me what should I do“- to the exercise regime you are already doing, add some aerobic exercise (walking and/ or swimming) that is safe for you to do, about the same time every day.
Listen to one of Mark Williams audios every day, perhaps in the morning and at night.
At times when you feel acute distress, get up, move around, get outside if possible (don’t stay seated).
How is that for a start?
anita
June 13, 2024 at 4:03 pm #433819kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
I can include walking in my exercise regime. I will start listening to Mark William’s audios today itself. This sounds good for a start. I will share how it goes. In the meantime, can you suggest me on how should I open with my therapist because I do not think I will be able to share anything in the coming session too.
Thanks,
Kshitij
June 13, 2024 at 4:10 pm #433820anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
You are welcome. I am looking forward to reading how the daily routine works for you following about a week of it.
“can you suggest me on how should I open with my therapist because I do not think I will be able to share anything in the coming session too“- can you tell me what did you share with her so far (and/ or what you didn’t share with her at all)?
anita
June 13, 2024 at 4:23 pm #433821kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
Sure. I will share with you about it a week from now. About the previous therapy session, here is what I wrote in my previous thread dated yesterday-
I could not share anything at all. She tried to begin with asking the reasons why I couldn’t share this with her or with anyone else but I did not speak on that too. We then first looked at a ‘support system’ that would help me, which included things like watching something or reading, talking to a friend, practicing faith, breathing exercises, gratitude journal etc. She asked me to also maintain a journal where I write one good thing that happened in the day. I told her that I have been trying many of these for quite some time but it does not help usually. We then discussed that how I can help myself by changing my environment in the coming summer breaks. But we did not talk about the thoughts and emotions more or less. She told me that while I do not have to get ‘uncomfortable’ in therapy, I should also understand that this is something urgent and needs to be addressed. I do not know whether/how much I will be able to share in the next session.
Thanks,
Kshitij
June 13, 2024 at 4:54 pm #433822anitaParticipantDear Kshitij:
Oh, you shared nothing at all with her. If the problem is that it’s difficult for you to share in-person/ face to face, you can type and print half a page with all that troubles you, and hand it to her to read at the beginning of the session (or if you have her email address, you can send her an email instead). You can even copy parts of what you shared in this thread, print/or email it to her.
Or you can print half a page or so, and read from it to her, at the beginning of the session.
Otherwise, you can start with: I suffer from Intrusive and Anxious Thoughts (the title of your thread) that are distressing, depressing and exhausting, and my sleep is troubled (it’s 12:54 am where you are at right now!)
anita
June 13, 2024 at 5:01 pm #433823kshiti1502ParticipantDear Anita,
I actually shared a document with her with parts cut from posts on this thread. But when in the session she asked if I could tell why it is difficult for me to share, I couldn’t speak on even that. I had already shared quite a comprehensive document but wasn’t willing to talk about it. She tried to ask a few different questions but I refused to open up.
Kshitij
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