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Is complete silence the best way?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Sofioula 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #289219

    Sofioula
    Participant

    Hi, I’m Sofioula

    4 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year. I have posts here, wjich helped me a lot go through the rought time of the breakup detox. I was silent here because I wanted to get a hold of myself and focus on my healing.

    Good news is I moved on. Still single but now I expanded my friends circle, I go to the gym consistently, at my workplace everybody speaks higly of me and I booked my first session with a psychologist to work on my complexes and deeply understand how to work things out.

    Well, on April 14th was my birthday. And half a hour before my birthday ended, my ex, which we were no contact for all these 4 months, send me a text. He said  Happy birthday  I hope everything is working out well for you in your life and that he’s sending for me to see that he thinks of me and respects all we’ve been through.

    If he were a decent boyfriend, an honest man, no second thoughts, I would have kept it polite and answered or even initiate friendly contact with him. But I didn’t. Most of my friends and family said he only did it to get in my mind again and have me get emotional. Because if his interest was pure, he would have contacted me much earlier.

    Still, I ALWAYS, literally  even to my own detriment want to be polite. And it bugs me that I didn’t respond just to be polite. But it’s also a “curse” that politeness because I “juice” out my being, in order to please other. What would you have handled this?

    Namaste  ?

    #289223

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sofioula,

    If it were me I’d reply to his text on HIS birthday, with, “Right back at you, little buddy!” with a maddingly *wink* emoticon or the *cool* emoticon with the sunglasses

    It’s good to be polite, but it’s also empowering when you realize you don’t HAVE to be!

    Best,

    Inky

    #289227

    Sofioula
    Participant

    Inkyyyy!!!

    Hahaha you’re awesome, you made me laugh so much! Bless you for that. It’s true, we don’t have to always be polite. It’s destructive some times. At least for me. Fear of missing out is what I need to work on. And many more things!

    Thank you for replying, I loved it  ❤️

    #289263

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    Welcome back! Regardless of his motivation sending this message, he wasn’t polite to you when he refused to drive you home when you were sick, having you take busses home and walk a lot, he wasn’t polite when he yelled at you, he wasn’t polite when he turned the alarm on Sunday morning just so that you leave his place early, etc. And he never apologized for these things, did he?

    So it is not impolite if you don’t answer his message, it is sensible that you don’t.

    anita

    #289315

    Mark
    Participant

    Sofioula,

    Block him for he is no longer part of your life.  It is like getting an unwanted solicitation from a scammer or someone who wants to sell you something.

    You first need to honor and respect yourself before worrying about being polite to someone who does not deserve that courtesy.

    Mark

    #289335

    Sofioula
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Anita,</p>
    I’m so thrilled to be back and somewhat healed! And so happy you have answered! Your advices helped me so much throughout this process…

    No, he was not. And he NEVER apologized for any of that. Not even in this birthday text. These references to my old post you mentioned helped me remember and ground myself to what is the reality of this man. He was a complete j3rk and has rightfully earned my apathy.Because we as people seem to bypass when time passes. That’s why I took the decision, for once in my life and in particular with him, to let go of my taboos and free myself. I take it as an exercise, part of the training to be my best version. It’s all about start treating me right. Can’t be a forever doormat.

    Hugs to you!!! <3

    • This reply was modified 3 months ago by  Sofioula.
    #289341

    Sofioula
    Participant

    Good evening Mark!

    I have blocked him from eveything. He text my through my phone number. That, sadly, I can’t block.

    The funny part is that when we were together, there was never any activity of his popping on my fb feed, like with any other friends. It was only when I searched :photos liked by (name insert here) that I was finding his likes on photos, ALL girl photos. Turns out he had me on the “Restricted List”. And now he will beg my pardon as I ignore him 😉

    Thank you Mark for your help!

    #289357

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula:

    It is good to read that you are, as you put it, “somewhat healed!”- so glad, and thank you for the hugs. You answered your own answer very convincingly, “Is complete silence the best way?”-

    -Yes, it is.

    I hope you post again, anytime you’d like, here on this thread, on a new thread you can start anytime and replying to other members as you have done today.

    anita

    #289479

    JayJay
    Participant

    Dear Sofioula,

    Your post has cheered me! It’s lovely to hear someone come back and say that everything has improved in their lives…. Not without a great deal of effort on your part, I’m sure. Keep on going forward, don’t look back. Especially at that ex-bf… it sounds to me he doesn’t deserve the time of day, never mind your attention. Keep it in the past, and keep on how you are doing, because you are doing just fine! Complete silence is definitely the best way to go! Look how upbeat you are and how you have improved your life as a result of doing just that!

    Well done, Lady! 🙂 🙂

    best wishes,

    Jay

    #290005

    Sofioula
    Participant

    Dear Jay Jay,

    Oh my God , I’m deeply touched and happy to hear that I cheered you up! That’s the amazing part about this site that I love, we get to communicate and make a contribution, however small may be, to someone’s  day or even life!

    Indeed, I left the past be just that, past. Now I broke free. Truly. Still need to work on my personal issues and heal myself from the roots, but at last, some peace of mind. Come to think about it, I’m actually a bit proud of not answering him. It was a big step for me and an even bigger step away from my past version of me.

    I really do hope I see you on another post here! Keep your smile shining and you head focused on your present JayJay!!!!

    ?☺️

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