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Is he playing games by adding me on this site?

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • August 29, 2019 at 10:57 am #309643
    Lisa
    Participant

    I have a lover or fwb. We’ve known each other for 18 yrs. We been in and out at times with the fwb . Let me start with the most recent situation. This last weekend I got an invitation from him to join a semi nude page on Facebook but I didn’t accept or deny just yet.Anyway I am able to access the page for a certain amount of time because I was invited to join the page. What I’ve noticed

    I tried to go on to see if  he likes or flirts with anyone but only photos that he did was hit love button to 3 pics. Also when they asked the men to drop a photo he posted a pic of him in a bar at a table with a beer and he had on a cap and a regular polo shirt.

    All the other guys were showing off their bodies. On his own Facebook page he shows off his muscles and him in the gym.

    Since he has joined I don’t see his activity .

     

    thoughts please

    August 29, 2019 at 11:32 am #309651
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    Just leave that invitation hanging in the internet ethers. Why would he think you’d want internet strangers to see you semi nude? He’s lucky he could see you semi nude! And him posting a picture of him wearing clothes is a sign of control or shielding. Like why did he join if he wasn’t going to contribute? Especially if he posts muscle pics on his own FB.

    To answer your question, yes, he’s playing games.

    Let me ask you this: Why are you FWB with THIS guy?

    I think he’s suffering from Middle Aged Weirdness.

    Best,

    Inky

    August 29, 2019 at 12:09 pm #309655
    Mark
    Participant

    Lisa,

    I am not sure what you are asking.  You have known this guy on and off as a FWB.  Do you want something more now?

    If not then why are you asking this group about this FB invitation?  I sense a deeper question.

    Mark

    August 29, 2019 at 12:14 pm #309657
    Lisa
    Participant

    Lol we have been dealing with each other since  2001 when we lived in the same complex. We lost contact when he moved in 2005. I then met someone got married and then divorced. We picked up again in 2012 at that time I was involved with someone so my feelings for him wasn’t strong. Now that I don’t have that person in my life no more still him on and off since then. We are friends we have good sex and because of the time period now I am catching more feelings.

    Well what did you think with this whole semi nude page thing you said it is a game. May I ask why? Just trying to see what he felt he would get out of this. We don’t just have sex but no we are not a couple I have spent night with him plenty of times and I had to be the one to cut it short. We gone out to eat he has brought me flowers , wine etc. maybe he do that with all his woman but sigh. He saw me out at a pub one time I was celebrating a friends birthday. He was even with someone. This was 3 yrs ago.He saw me across the pub talking to a guy and walk over by us and asked me if I was good. The guy I was talking to just looked and said um who is that an ex or something. It was weird .

    August 29, 2019 at 12:26 pm #309663
    Lisa
    Participant

    yes of coarse as time goes by I am in love with him and I am afraid of telling him. My stomach hurts thinking about him because I can’t have him. I have butterflies. I don’t know if we are just having sex or maybe making love. He has taken me out before even with his children when they were teens. He had me stay over plenty of times and always made me comfortable. I’m asking about the site because I didn’t know why a man would add a female he is sexual involved with to join a site where she could even meet other men.

    August 29, 2019 at 1:22 pm #309667
    Mark
    Participant

    Lisa,

    It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  It looks like this FWB arrangement suits him.  He likes the freedom of having sex with other women.  I don’t know the motivation of his FB invitation.  Regardless, it seems you are upset because, as ou said, you are in love with him and are afraid of telling him.  My guess about the FB invitation is that he likes being sexual and perhaps he would like a threesome with you and another woman.

    Nevertheless, the bigger question is if you want to hang your hat with this guy who is clearly unavailable for what you want in a relationship.  This more about you and what you want for yourself rather than a FB invite and what he is thinking.

    Mark

    August 30, 2019 at 7:27 am #309741
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    I don’t think he is playing games by adding you to that site. I think that he added you to that site on an impulse, because it felt like it would be fun to see you semi nude of that site. Maybe he added other women, other friends-with-benefits to that site as well, at about the same time.

    Reads like he is after having fun, that is all. Reads like he is not into a monogamous relationship with a woman. Reads like he likes you as a friend-with-benefits and he doesn’t think or cares much how long you will be his f-w-b, but it is fun for as long as it lasts.

    In a way he is like a kid in a toy store, playing with this toy (this one f-w-b), gets bored, plays with another, then maybe the store closes and he is with no toys till the next day or next week, then the store opens and he is back to playing.. with this one toy, then some customer comes in and buys that toy (similar to a f-w-b getting into an exclusive relationship with another man, or she moves away, or he moves away) and he can’t play with it anymore. So he plays with another toy, a new one or one he played with before.

    Does that make sense to you?

    anita

     

    August 30, 2019 at 9:20 am #309755
    Lisa
    Participant

    I guess that about sums it up. Maybe you already explained that above so should I ask you is that why when he saw me out in public at a local pub talking to a guy and walked up to us to say hi to me. He asked me are you good? So you think he have no feelings for me what so ever. We have been friends almost  20 yrs. We hung out went out to eat with his children who were teens at the time. I’ve have spent nights with him over past yrs.

    August 30, 2019 at 9:33 am #309761
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    It seems to me that he does like you, as a friend with benefits. He probably likes it that you don’t give him trouble, that is, you don’t pressure him to have an exclusive relationship with you, you don’t give him a difficult time. Like other women do.

    Think of this: let’s say a man goes to prostitutes, and he is fond of a particular prostitute, so he sometimes brings her flowers or he takes her out to a diner, and sometimes stays with her for hours, talking. Let’s say he happens to see her with a client, and the client seems a bit tough, so he goes to her and asks: are you okay? Showing concern this way.

    But he is fine with his favorite prostitute still prostituting and he has no intention to have an exclusive relationship with her.

    Now, why am I mentioning prostitutes here- clearly you are not a prostitute. This is one more reason for him to like you: he doesn’t have to pay or worry about STDs much because you don’t date many men.

    Think about it: a woman who is a friend with benefits (fwb) for a man, can be considered by the man himself, as a free-of-charge prostitute (fofp). What do you think?

    anita

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