May 17, 2018 at 7:56 am #207913
So I don’t really know where to start, or where exactly I’m going with this but I’ll try my best…
So basically I find I’ll be happy/content and motivated or at least ok mostly, but then once a month or so I find myself breaking down crying for various reason. The latest was suddenly thinking about a past crush and realising I probably have avoidant personality disorder or something similar.
Long story short (or as short as possible for me), he first gave me attention which is pretty much how I first noticed him/started being attracted to him, but I stupidly didn’t know how to act and pretty much ignored his attempts/was cold, then 6 or so months later this other girl (who is outgoing, confident and gorgeous) started pursuing him and he moved on like any reasonable person would. That was around two years ago, I haven’t heard anything about them since but I would assume they’re still dating. (And even if they’re not, I don’t see how we’d ever be together )
I didn’t constantly like him after he started dating her (have had at least 3 other crushes since), but I recently just got another crush, was happy about that, but then started thinking about the first guy again.
Although I already feel a lot better today, and think I have been doing a good job (or at least have improved) of being mindful and avoiding/stopping myself fantasising, I feel there’s a much bigger issue of me breaking down semi regularly (not just over stuff like this), and each time I do I consider seeing s professional psychologist.
As mentioned about, I recently read about avoidant personality disorder, I think I basically tick off every symptom. I have great parents I’m living with, but Haven’t really had any close friends I connect with since around 2013, and I feel I’m abnormally awkward in social situations. I’ve tried to improve and get out there more(mainly at Uni), but it never seems to work. I’ve got some people I talk to regularly, so maybe my expectations are too high, or I just can’t form close friendships anymore. Every time a feel like this I seriously consider going to a psychologist, but then a few days later I’ll be fine, and just go back to being super motivated with uni and my interests.
So to sum up this long winded post (sorry!), should I make an appointment with a psychologist if I’m not constantly sad, but basically break down every month or so? I can afford to pay myself as I work and live with my parentS. Ultimately, I’m a very introverted person, but would still want to connect with people, and I’m kind of worried I’m missing out on life, and will be unfulfilled if I don’t “fix” myself.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read, it’s greatly appreciated ❤️May 17, 2018 at 9:43 am #207931
I think it is a good idea for you to visit a psychotherapist/ psychologist so to get help with your anxiety. Do you remember how old you were when your anxiety started, in what circumstances?
anitaMay 17, 2018 at 3:25 pm #207997
Hi Anita, thanks so much for reading and responding to my post. I probably should have been more clear, but I used to have a really close friends group, then when high school started most people changed which probably caused some trust issues, and since around 15 I haven’t really had any close friends or connected with people (which was also around the time that stuff started with that boy ), although in my last year of high school I had a decent group I hung around, but I wasn’t extremely close with them and haven’t been in contact since graduating in 2016, although there were a couple of other friends I have caught up with rarely last year. I’m 19 now.
I think I have more of a socially detachment/awkwardness issue than full blown anxiety, but I feel this is too abnormal for me to not have something wrong with me and I need to fix it or I’ll never have anyone other than my family (who I can’t rely on forever). I’ll probably aim to at least book and try one session after exams finish. Even if it’s just talking about it and letting it out, I think it will helpMay 18, 2018 at 4:29 am #208027
You see the origin of your anxiety at about when you were fifteen, at the beginning of high school, a result of losing your “close friends group”.
Did your parents help you with that transition to high school, through your heartache about losing your lose friends group?
anitaMay 18, 2018 at 10:22 am #208107
I don't know that you need to “fix” anything about yourself, necessarily.
I am a extroverted introvert, if that makes sense. I'm also a private person and don't feel the need to share every detail of my day or life. Except here, of course.
I have been to counseling at different times throughout my life and found it helpful to talk to someone who was not a family member or a friend. Therapy was a place I could express my true feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment. Therapy helped me find my way, and if the counselor is very good, they won't “tell” you anything, but will lead you to find your own answers.
I wish you the best.
AireneMay 19, 2018 at 8:50 am #208209
Oh honey, I had to register just to respond to your question: “Is it normal to break down every month or so?” Have you considered whether you are a PMS sufferer? In my own life, I thought there was something seriously “wrong” with me until I was nearly 30. Two weeks a month, I was happy and confident and loved life, then by the day, my confidence, energy and zeal would slip. I would become more emotionally sensitive or depressive until the day or two prior to menstruation, I was a full blown emotional mess. My question would have been, “Is it normal to have suicidal thoughts two days a month?”
All those years (15 to nearly 30) I wondered what was “wrong” with me and suffered overall loss of confidence as a result. Once I had the realization it seemed to be cyclical, I started track my emotional state daily and after a couple months, realized it for exactly what it was. My emotional state was as regular as clockwork, PMS. I had to laugh. I wasn't “crazy” after all, just flush with hormones that affected my mental wellness. I suppose one can see their OBGYN and attempt to treat it with various hormone cocktails. At the time, many years ago now, I simply gave myself extra care in the down part of the cycle, bit my tongue more, made an effort to be nicer to my partner and those around me, including co-workers, made it a point not to take anything personally (even if I “felt” it was personal), and refrained from making major decisions unit “it” was over and I was back to what I consider “normal.” Just the realization of what ailed me, was a tremendous relief.
As for the rest of your concerns, I have seen a counselor three times in my life, once in my 20s for several months, and the other two times for only a few sessions to help with ongoing family issues. At all times, I found therapy to be extremely valuable and worthwhile. You are clear what your concerns are and the issues. In my opinion, I think you might find therapy very helpful and hope for you the courage to give it a try. I also wish you the best with your monthly breakdowns. (THOSE SUCK!)