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Is it normal to sometimes break down? Do I need help?

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Airene 2 months ago.

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  • #207913

    M
    Participant

    So I don’t really know where to start, or where exactly I’m going with this but I’ll try my best…

     

    So basically I find I’ll be happy/content and motivated or at least ok mostly, but then once a month or so I find myself breaking down crying for various reason. The latest was suddenly thinking about a past crush and realising I probably have avoidant personality disorder or something similar.

    Long story short (or as short as possible for me), he first gave me attention which is pretty much how I first noticed him/started being attracted to him, but I stupidly didn’t know how to act and pretty much ignored his attempts/was cold, then 6 or so months later this other girl (who is outgoing, confident and gorgeous) started pursuing  him and he moved on like any reasonable person would. That was around two years ago, I haven’t heard anything about them since but I would assume they’re still dating. (And even if they’re not, I don’t see how we’d ever be together  )

    I didn’t constantly like him after he started dating her (have had at least 3 other crushes since), but I recently just got another crush, was happy about that, but then started thinking about the first guy again.

    Although I already feel a lot better today, and think I have been doing a good job (or at least have improved) of being mindful and avoiding/stopping myself fantasising, I feel there’s a much bigger issue of me breaking down semi regularly (not just over stuff like this), and each time I do I consider seeing s professional psychologist.

    As mentioned about, I recently read about avoidant personality disorder, I think I basically tick off every symptom. I have great parents I’m living with, but Haven’t really had any close friends I connect with since around 2013, and I feel I’m abnormally awkward in social situations. I’ve tried to improve and get out there more(mainly at Uni), but it never seems to work. I’ve got some people I talk to regularly, so maybe my expectations are too high, or I just can’t form close friendships anymore.  Every time a feel like this I seriously consider going to a psychologist, but then a few days later I’ll be fine, and just go back to being super motivated with uni and my interests.

    DLDR:

    So to sum up this long winded post (sorry!), should I make an appointment with a psychologist if I’m not constantly sad, but basically break down every month or so? I can afford to pay myself as I work and live with my parentS. Ultimately, I’m a very introverted person, but would still want to connect with people, and I’m kind of worried I’m missing out on life, and will be unfulfilled if I don’t “fix” myself.

    Thanks to anyone who took the time to read, it’s greatly appreciated ❤️

    #207931

    anita
    Participant

    Dear M:

    I think it is a good idea for you to visit a psychotherapist/ psychologist so to get help with your anxiety. Do you remember how old you were when your anxiety started, in what circumstances?

    anita

    #207997

    M
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thanks so much for reading and responding to my post. I probably should have been more clear, but I used to have a really close friends group, then when high school started most people changed which probably caused some trust issues, and since around 15 I haven’t really had any close friends or connected with people (which was also around the time that stuff started with that boy ), although in my last year of high school I had a decent group I hung around, but I wasn’t extremely close with them and haven’t been in contact since graduating in 2016, although there were a couple of other friends I have caught up with  rarely last year. I’m 19 now.

    I think I have more of a socially detachment/awkwardness issue than full blown anxiety, but I feel this is too abnormal for me to not have something wrong with me and I need to fix it or I’ll never have anyone other than my family (who I can’t rely on forever). I’ll probably aim to at least book and try one session after exams finish. Even if it’s just talking about it and letting it out, I think it will help

    #208027

    anita
    Participant

    Dear M:

    You see the origin of your anxiety at about when you were fifteen, at the beginning of high school, a result of losing your “close friends group”.

    Did your parents help you with that transition to high school, through your heartache about losing your lose friends group?

    anita

    #208107

    Airene
    Participant

    Hello M,

    I don't know that you need to “fix” anything about yourself, necessarily.

    I am a extroverted introvert, if that makes sense.  I'm also a private person and don't feel the need to share every detail of my day or life.  Except here, of course.

    I have been to counseling at different times throughout my life and found it helpful to talk to someone who was not a family member or a friend.  Therapy was a place I could express my true feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment.  Therapy helped me find my way, and if the counselor is very good, they won't “tell” you anything, but will lead you to find your own answers.

    I wish you the best.

    Airene

    #208209

    Kathy
    Participant

    Oh honey, I had to register just to respond to your question:  “Is it normal to break down every month or so?”  Have you considered whether you are a PMS sufferer?  In my own life, I thought there was something seriously “wrong” with me until I was nearly 30.   Two weeks a month, I was happy and confident and loved life, then by the day, my confidence, energy and zeal would slip.   I would become more emotionally sensitive or depressive until the day or two prior to menstruation, I was a full blown emotional mess.  My question would have been, “Is it normal to have suicidal thoughts two days a month?”

    All those years (15 to nearly 30) I wondered what was “wrong” with me and suffered overall loss of confidence as a result.  Once I had the realization it seemed to be cyclical, I started track my emotional state daily and after a couple months, realized it for exactly what it was.  My emotional state was as regular as clockwork, PMS.  I had to laugh.  I wasn't “crazy” after all, just flush with hormones that affected my mental wellness.  I suppose one can see their OBGYN and attempt to treat it with various hormone cocktails.  At the time, many years ago now, I simply gave myself extra care in the down part of the cycle, bit my tongue more, made an effort to be nicer to my partner and those around me, including co-workers, made it a point not to take anything personally (even if I “felt” it was personal), and refrained from making major decisions unit “it” was over and I was back to what I consider “normal.”  Just the realization of what ailed me, was a tremendous relief.

    As for the rest of your concerns, I have seen a counselor three times in my life, once in my 20s for several months, and the other two times for only a few sessions to help with ongoing family issues.   At all times, I found therapy to be extremely valuable and worthwhile.  You are clear what your concerns are and the issues.  In my opinion, I think you might find therapy very helpful and hope for you the courage to give it a try.  I also wish you the best with your monthly breakdowns.  (THOSE SUCK!)

    Take care.

    #211797

    Bluebird
    Participant

    Dear M,

    I agree with Kathy above. It is normal. I have mood-swings and I am in my late 20s. I am a very happy person for 3-4 weeks every month. And then I have a “black” week when I feel low and sad about random things. It can be something from my childhood or it can be anxiety about an issue (at work or anything) that I know I can solve but still feel anxious. I know my black-week is usually the week before I get my periods. Sometimes, it is random and is unexpected.

    I have been to therapy a few times and it has helped with some of the underlying issues that I have that make my black-week terrible.

    For a while, I read everything on the internet and tried to diagnose myself. I assumed I am bi-polar (but I am not). Anyways, don't read stuff on the internet and freakout! Go to therapy if you want to – all of us need it. But unless you are hurting yourself or someone (or thinking about it) – I think feeling low sometimes is okay and human!

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