March 23, 2016 at 7:10 pm #99935
Good job at being brave and breaking up with her. You told her: “I leave now, never to return.”
Now, leave her and what you did to yourself so to be with her: “ignore myself, my needs and my wants and put you first. I ignored my gut feeling and my values to that I could be with you…”
You will no longer ignore yourself, your needs, your wants, your feelings, and your values so to be with anyone every again. Please promise yourself to not do these things for anyone ever again. Will you promise…?
anitaMarch 23, 2016 at 7:27 pm #99938
I know you were emotional a few moments ago and this was intense for you. I am concerned about you, wanting to know how you are feeling…??? This exercise, I hope it was not overwhelming. Please let me know how you are doing… and if you are willing and able to make this promise to yourself?
anitaMarch 23, 2016 at 8:25 pm #99950
Thank you for the exercise and your concern. I am fine now. I felt some emotions and they are gone now. It has been a very bitter lesson for me. I have promised myself not to repeat this again. But I will promise again, that I would never ignore myself, my gut feeling. Never ignore the facts and rational explanations. Never ignore my wants, needs and my values. I will never get blinded again with feelings and let anyone manipulate me again.
Brav3March 23, 2016 at 8:36 pm #99953
I am so relieved that you posted again and that you are fine now! So relieved because I was afraid that I caused you harm by suggesting that exercise. I am also glad that you made this promise to yourself.
The title of your thread is: “Is the concept of being in relationship is flawed ?” I would like to answer this question at this point with: The concept of ignoring yourself, your gut feelings, your wants, needs and values so to be in a relationship is flawed.
Who you were in that relationship is not the same person you are now. You made a promise to yourself, and here publicly, on this forum. And having the integrity that you do, you will do your best, I believe, to walk your talk, that is, to live up to your promise. And in so doing, you are no longer the same person. I like the idea of adding the e to your name, Brave.
Please do post again and again, and yet again. I would like that very much.
anitaMarch 23, 2016 at 8:58 pm #99964
I am thankful to your exercise and understanding attitude. It gave me a soothing feeling in the end.
You have such a good understanding about relationships. How did you develop this wisdom?
I totally agree to what you’ve said that the concept of ignoring yourself, your gut feelings, your wants, needs and values so to be in a relationship is flawed. I actually vowed that I will not put my self esteem in jeopardy again by ignoring my wants and my needs so to be in a relationship. I also promised that I continue to stand up for myself and will take full responsibility for my well being.
3 is a symbolic representation of ‘e’ used in e-language.
Brav3March 23, 2016 at 9:15 pm #99973
Thank you for the compliment. I developed my understanding as a result of healing of now five years and going, starting with my first good psychotherapy five years ago. To put it very simply, healing is about making my brain, my thinking, my understanding (emotional understanding is most important) compatible with reality. A lot of the thinking out there (which I have been abandoning) is “convenient thinking”, wishful thinking and such. Often fueled by fear. When you see people and things as what they are, the bare minimum of what is, without distorted thinking, fantasy, false beliefs, what you are left with is the understanding of what it is and only what it is.
Bed time for me, give this reality-compatible brain of mine some rest.
Take good care of yourself and I am indeed excited about the work you did today!
anitaDecember 4, 2018 at 6:47 am #267693
Brav3, i just read this post. I feel like i can relate in so many ways. I have gone through a similar situation. Been over a year now for me since she left me. Unfortunately i’m still struggling on a daily basis. It was very nice to read this though. I’m going to read it again and hopefully it will help me some. I still have bad days and breakdown and cry. But I am healing (I think). I read something about you forgiving yourself, I haven’t yet. And also about being pathetic and letting her walk all over you, putting your life aside to satisfy her needs. I did the same thing. Shame is huge. I am just glad we don’t live in the same town. I don’t think i could handle seeing her laugh and be happy. You are a strong man. Keep up the good work. Hopefully I can get to where you are someday. Thanks again for your posts…