December 21, 2016 at 12:30 am #123184KenParticipant
Hi- what are some things I can say to myself when that thought came up?
“It’s so easy for them, why is it so hard for me. Life’s not fair.”
Thank you so much!
KTDecember 21, 2016 at 12:47 am #123185VJParticipant
“It’s so easy for them, why is it so hard for me”
There is a saying that all the 5 fingers on the hand are not of the same size (in height).
The point is no two people are going to be the same and that is the beauty of the Divine (that he created).
Yes, I understand you may be referring to something that you think could be easy, which is possible for them, but may be not possible for you. Or may be even they have gf’s and why not I? So, be it. Not sure of your situation but whatever it may be, can surely tell you that “You will get it (done) at the right time”.
But it is also true that every damn single thing can’t be done by us or not meant for us. You can say what the world’s richest man said-
Save an image on your cellphone.
VJDecember 21, 2016 at 9:40 am #123200PeterParticipant
The statement “It’s so easy for them, why is it so hard for me. Life’s not fair.” Is more likely then not a cognitive distortion.
First you can’t know what others are experiencing so are only imagining that such is so ‘easy’ for them. You also can’t know how much work they may have done to get to where they are.
Second the notion that life is or should be fair is man made measurement as it does not exist in nature. Our ability to measure such a concept of “life being fair” is very limited so we tend to do it very very badly. What we usually end up doing is projecting our fear onto others.
That said we are a product of our nature and nature and the gifts we might have will be greatly influenced by that. Some will be more gifted and have more possibilities then others.
A cat can’t be a bird no matter how much it admires how easily it fly’s. We must respect our natures.
Anyway what are some of the things you can say to yourself when the thoughts come up?
Your half way there.
The first step is to notice that you’re telling yourself this particular story with out labeling or judging yourself for doing so. Just notice.
Second step. Stop and create space. In this space you might move on or if the story persists used to identify the cognitive distortions for what they are. Check if you are creating/projecting villain and victim stories so that you might take ownership.
Third, the Car goes where the eyes go. Take your “eyes” off what others may or may not be expecting as well as any any villain or victim stories you’re telling yourself and instead look towards where you want to go. Your goals, your gifts, what you have to work with.December 21, 2016 at 9:45 am #123201InkyParticipant
What you will develop that “they” won’t is Struggle and Patience. In the Bible Jacob literally struggled with God. And all was given to him because he didn’t give up. I think that when reality gets, well, Real, YOU might fare far better than “them”.
December 21, 2016 at 9:50 am #123204KenParticipant
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
Thanks Vj for your thoughtful reply.December 21, 2016 at 10:26 am #123210AnonymousGuest
“Them” is a collection of individuals. Some things are easy for another and difficult for you. But some things are easy for you and difficult for another. For example: one person finds it easy to make friends and you find it difficult. But the person who has it easy making friends may have a difficulty being alone, so much so, that he makes friends with just anyone, including someone abusive to him.
And being friends with an abusive person is difficult and not a “lucky” situation at all.
When we are focused on where we are lacking, we imagine that we are the only ones struggling (looking only at one area of the other’s function and life). Others who don’t seem to struggle the same way have their own struggles, not necessarily less than yours!
anitaDecember 22, 2016 at 4:12 am #123277MayaParticipant
we suffer because we compare our life with others.
you are unique in your own way
your talents are different from others
i am sure lot of people love the way you live your life (because they think they are missing that)
1) Have growth mind set
2) Love yourself moreDecember 22, 2016 at 7:32 am #123293Bethany @ Journey to IthacaParticipant
First, let your mind have its little temper tantrum. Observe your thoughts without engaging them. Using a journal may be helpful. Fighting or pushing back negative thoughts and emotions tends to make them worse.
Then–and this is a very important step–look back at your thoughts and consider the possibility that they are not true. What “evidence” has your mind found for them, and what are some other possibilities? Look for “evidence” for those other possibilities.
This article might be helpful: http://www.onlinelifecoaching.info/blog/2016/11/30/negative-thoughts-a-valuable-tool