Hello all,

I really hope I’m putting this in the right forum

Short story:

Childhood trauma, doesn’t leave much to the imagination which is good in this case because its less I’ll have to explain. Thought I’d been dealing. Was medicated, though no therapy because of a traumatic experience with one. So I’m 34 and nothing’s changed. Actually, that’s not true….it got worse. OCD tendencies, Panic Disorder, GAD, PTSD, Depression and a dash of Borderline exploded all over the place last month. I was spiraling down and being violently verbally abused by my inner critic. My two boys, who know nothing of my trauma or sufferings, were at school. My husband was at work, he is my rock, so i was alone. I couldn’t deal and I knew I didn’t want to die, so I picked up the phone and made an appointment with a licensed therapist.

Now, I’m angry. I’m angry because this mental mess I am, wasn’t chosen by me and it sure as bananas wasn’t my fault at 7 years old. I know I shouldn’t call what I’m going trhough a mental mess, even though thats what it feels like, because im not broken, even though I feel it. Something happened to me and I’m healing. And I’m angry. I’m soooo angry. He has affected and tainted, insert inappropriate word, every aspect of my life. And it angers me. And that I’m still suffering, angers me. I’m taking this anger and using it. It has transformed into my purpose.

My purpose is not to live in fear. Me purpose is not to trapped by my past, memories, pain, fear, and just everything. I refuse to live like this. I have purpose. I am going to heal so that me, my family, and life overall will be better. He is literally rotting in prison, and figurately  I never should have been imprisoned with him. I have the key and I’m never going back in. I have purpose.

Thank you for taking the time to read.