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Karmic relationships

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  • November 13, 2024 at 8:55 am #439330
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    I guess either really.

    I am just curious because I remember being aware of choosing a path to go down as a child and I wondered if you had a similar experience since you were talking about choosing a good path.

    Personally, I’m interested in why things turn out well for some and not for others. I do believe that there are some choices made in going down the wrong path. Hence the question.

    I could have chosen to continue the generational cycle of trauma. But instead I chose to break the cycle.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

    November 13, 2024 at 9:10 am #439331
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    I read the article you suggested, I do have  a similar bedtime routine and if I am not ejected out of bed prematurely I do like to start my day in a contemplative mood, so will try to remember to do little sessions thru the day.

    Isn’t their a Jakarta tale about the buddha in  one of his previous lives sacrificing himself to a wild animal so the mother could feed her cubs.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

    November 13, 2024 at 9:25 am #439332
    anita
    Participant
    Dear Jana:
    I am sorry that you feel or felt that I have not been comfortable with your thread. We are still okay, as far as I am concerned, and I will elaborate on this further in this post.
    I hope that you clear your mind, get some new energy and do the work you need to do so to prepare for winter. I also hope that you will be back to the forums posting in your threads, and replying to members in their own threads: the forums need people like you. I view your replies as intelligent, insightful, empathetic, honest..  valuable all the way around.
    “I ‘feel’ that you are not comfortable with these Buddhist topics and I now understand that you are probably not a lay Buddhist like me”- I am very comfortable with Western Secular Buddhist topics to which I was introduced by my psychotherapist (in the U.S.) in 2011.
    * There are some notable differences between Buddhism in Asia and Western, Secular Buddhism (the most widespread type of Buddhism in the West is secular): in Asia, Buddhism is deeply intertwined with the local culture, traditions, and daily life, including a wide range of rituals  and ceremonies that are led by monks and nuns who hold significant authority. Western Buddhism has adapted to fit the modern, secular context, often emphasizing psychological and therapeutic aspects, focusing on meditation, mindfulness, and personal spiritual growth.
    Western (secular) Buddhism rejects the  hierarchical structure (the authority and involvement of monks and nuns) in Asian Buddhism, and emphasizes individual practice and self-reliance.
    Western Buddhism, which emphasizes non-violence and compassion for all living things,  rejects Animal Sacrifice which is practiced in Tibetan Buddhism.
    Western Buddhism generally rejects Divination which is widely practiced in Asia: Astrology, Tarot Reading (Using a deck of cards to gain insights into the past, present, or future), Palmistry (Reading the lines and shapes of the hands to predict future events and understand personality), Crystal Gazing (Looking into a crystal ball or other reflective surface to see visions of the future), and other divination practices.
    Reincarnation is a core aspect of many Asian Buddhist traditions. Many in Western Buddhism approach reincarnation beliefs (such as karma) with skepticism or interpret them metaphorically rather than literally.
    Back to me: if I a Buddhist (if I care to label myself), then I am a Secular, Western Buddhist.
    Back to your most recent post: you correctly perceived discomfort on my part in the context of this thread, but it is not related to Buddhism, secular or religious, in the West or in Asia. The discomfort was triggered when you asked me two days ago (and you were astutely aware that it may be uncomfortable for me): “May I ask you about your relationship with your mom today? Have you found peace with each other?… (I am very sorry if it is too personal and you do not have to answer if you don’t want to.)”- – when I read the question, the distress of the many, many times when people suggested to me that I should find peace with her, that I should not be angry with my mother, that I am a bad daughter/ bad person for feeling anger at her, and later, for not being in contact with her.. that distress was triggered. I was afraid that in your next reply, you will suggest the same.
    In your next reply to me, yesterday, you supported my no-contact choice (“I’m sure it’s a good thing you were able to end all relations with your mother”), but you also suggested: “Although I realize it’s very hard to feel compassion for really bad people, I personally believe it’s something to strive for… to get more of those nice waves in the ocean… you know“- which in my mind, meant that I should feel compassion for my mother.. and reunite with her. I then submitted my most recent, short reply, caring to reply this one time, but okay with no further communication.
    A few posts back I suggested using our communication as an opportunity for growth and learning. On my part, my opportunity here is to strengthen my intent and resolve to not overreact, emotionally, and to further appreciate how sensitive- and overly sensitive- many of us are when it comes to certain topics.
    I apologize to you, Jana, for not presenting my discomfort to you in a direct, timely fashion.
    Like you wrote, you have to prepare for winter and you need new energy. If our communication is draining for you at this time, but you would still like to communicate with other members, please let me know, and I will not posts in your threads (until and unless you address a post to me).
    In regard to compassion for my mother, I read from the link you included a few posts ago (zen habits. com): “The final stage in these compassion practices is to not only want to ease the suffering of those we love and meet, but even those who mistreat us… Try to imagine the background of that person… and what kind of bad things had happened to that person… the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way… And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person”-
    -I agree with the above in moderation, in a Middle Way (Madhvamaka) kind of way (according to a balanced approach to life, avoiding extremes): in many cases of mistreatments, yes, the above is a good practice. In some cases, when the offender has a sincere desire to offend, and has no moral compass in regard to offending/ mistreating/ abusing another person, then the abused being in the life of the abuser and being kind to the abuser- is similar to a deer kindly approaching a hungry mountain lion.
    I am speaking from decades-long personal experience: no one in my mother’s life was even close to being as empathetic to her as I was. No one in her life, thought about and suffered more than I did because of what she went through growing up, and because of any and every hurt and pain that she experienced. I loved her SO MUCH. I was willing to do anything for her, and I did- all that I could. And more. All in vain. There is a real emotional wound within me that I don’t remember expressing the way I am expressing it now: it’s a half a century-long unrequited, unacknowledged love. How, why does a person so intensely want to hurt someone who loves them so much.. This is an old, old wound, a betrayal so intense that I keep reacting to it as if it is still happening.. because it happened so many, may times, through decades and without a single apology.

    As I close this long post, I feel warmth and affection for an image of my mother that I am holding in my mind right now: oh, how much, how intensely I wanted her to be happy. But this image in my mind is not the person: it is who I wished she was, who I wished she’d become: a person who loves me. The person and this image are not the same.

    I want my mind and life to be further free of her, I want this wound to further heal.

    Thank you, Jana, for this opportunity to grow and learn, and please: it’s okay for you to not respond to this post. I can see how it can be draining. What I shared here may be helpful to me without a reply.

    Please take good care of yourself and your partner.

    anita

    November 13, 2024 at 10:38 am #439333
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Hello Helcat, Roberta and Anita!

    I’ll be back on Saturday when I have more time to read your answers carefully. 🙂

    I must say that I am very happy to find you here on tinybuddha, because you are all very clever, supportive and openminded. I feel here much better and safer than on other forums/discussions of Buddhism where some members are too conservative

    I’m looking forward to Saturday 😊

    (I am writing on phone – hope it is ok to read my message, the text editor doesnt work well on phone)

    ☀️ 🪷

    November 13, 2024 at 10:55 am #439334
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    Thank you very much for your beautiful post, and I too am happy that you are here, on tiny buddha. You are an asset here. Take care and looking forward to Saturday!

    anita

    November 14, 2024 at 6:14 am #439388
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    I’m glad that you feel safe here in this community. You are a very insightful compassionate person, it’s always lovely to read your comments.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

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