Starting to think if we even have a friendship again. Never makes any effort, it’s always me only. You’re never too busy to be around friends, she just don’t make the effort.

Thanks for everything you’ve done Anita, but i’m done here. Will most likely be taking my life in the next few days, i’m beyond any help. Wish you well!

Well I went crazy, got put on suicide watch as I was about to head off to walk off a building, was in the back of a police car. Text my friend I’m sorry if I made her sad and that I didn’t mean to and that I care a lot about her as a friend, she said awe and that she was not sad, she’s happy I’m getting help now. I see a psychiatrist on Thursday, normally it’s a long wait but hearing my story and how I was acting I needed one asap. Also told me about support groups. Told my dad I was suicidal for first time…made me feel dumb and raised his voice. I guess I can finally finish this thread now on this note. I don’t want to feel that depressed anymore, it put me over the edge far worse then any sadness I have ever experienced the last 2 weeks, especially the past week. So now time to heal it looks like.

Thanks for the help but the thread has run its course. Maybe in another thread if I make any. Me and her are going to remain the same with texts, phone calls, hangouts more often she agreed to. This other mess I’m dealing with is not part of why I made the thread.

Hello, still going to councelling. The therapist thinks we are pretty much done with this now, i have not got those thoughts in a long time (few months). Me and that woman this thread is about are super close now, we text and talk on phone quite often…just hung out today as we grabbed a coffee and walked to the water and sat on a bench talking about life. She’s sorta got some friends but more the aquantance type and sometimes hang out? she’s only looking for a small group of close friends to connect with and considers me a close friend. She’s going through a lot of problems…her ex still treats her like trash the way he talks to her, so she’s trying to steedr clear of him as much as she can as she’s got 2 kids with him. She recently had 2 blood clots in her and took 4 months off work, i ended up giving her 2 grand as she had no way of supporting her and her daughter, she’s going to pay me back as she’s selling her house as it costs too much for her now but i asked only for half of it back, give the other half to charity or someone who really needs it more then i do. She’s now got gallstones, her ferret was put down. She called me the other day on my cell crying because her ferret had to be put down and hand nobody else to talk to. Also her ex boyfriends mother she was close to passed away a few months ago.

I might be done with talk therapy, it was good but i may try isolation tank therapy now plus try getting into Wim Hof breathing and cold shower therapy. I told the therapist we really do just keep repeating ourselves, she asked what else i wanted to talk about but i dunno. Also said that if i was ever down in the dumps again if i would ever call for help again, and i told her i doubt i would. Hope you’re well Anita, maybe i’ll post more updates again in the future. Adios untill then.

Naw she just having a hard time paying for all the bills and her daughter and everything, she will move and pay me back but i told her only half and to give the other half to someone who needs the money more then i do. She’s really looking for friends, the ones she has she does not hang around much and wants more of a small group of them and be close with them (like we are). She will likely live with her mom for a while, she’s kinda glad to be moving out, that place has some bad memories for her and her daughter. When we hung out we could just talk and talk and talk, i felt no nervousness around her unlike when we just sit down for a cup of coffee, we walked by the water and sat at the bench by the docks  onthe hot sunny day talking about her problems, my problems, moving forward,etc. We flirted a little bit too because that’s what i love to do when i’m around women, had our arms around eachother a little on the bench, she held my hand and really appreciated me helping her out and i walked her back to her car and took the long walk home because it was a nice hot day out. She’s still planning to move far away from me though, but it wont be for a year or 2. I can definatly say i don’t have those same feelings i did back then for her like i used to, i can go long periods not texting her if i wish, don’t think about her like i used to. Now she’s just a good friend to me and i just want her to be happy and healthy as i told her on the phone. She called me last week crying so i guess we have that relationship now lol.

As for my dad? naw, does not yell at me like he used to, but i don’t talk to him about things that often.