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Let her go?

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Viewing 15 posts - 361 through 375 (of 1,002 total)
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  • #125298
    pete
    Participant

    Starting to think if we even have a friendship again. Never makes any effort, it’s always me only. You’re never too busy to be around friends, she just don’t make the effort.

    #125300
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I wish she was way more invested in the friendship with you than she is, assuming it would be a win-win friendship. This is why I suggest those questions, talks, so that she will feel understood and listened to by you, and so she will be motivated to invest more.

    Also there is the fact she is a mother with much more life outside work than you do (topic of my last post to you) and so, there is less of a need on her part, less time, less availability.

    anita

    #125342
    pete
    Participant

    Thanks for everything you’ve done Anita, but i’m done here. Will most likely be taking my life in the next few days, i’m beyond any help. Wish you well!

    • This reply was modified 6 years ago by pete.
    #125352
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    You must be in a lot of pain to be writing this, above. It pains me to think that you are in such pain. Oh, how I wish you felt better, not just for a moment here or there, but long term, a whole lot better. I am so sad to be reading this. Please, find a way to make your life better. If you are this desperate, make desperate CHANGES in your life. Lose the comfort in the same-old-same-old, not your life!

    This pain, it is not forever. Life will end, for you, for me, for every person reading this. Don’t rush it.

    anita

    #125358
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    In September you wrote that you deserve to suffer and that is why you don’t want help.

    If I had magic, I would make you believe that you do NOT deserve to suffer, that you deserve peace of mind. You deserve to not suffer.

    I know, I know, I KNOW that you deserve peace of mind, calm, contentment. How can I make you know it…

    anita

    #125490
    pete
    Participant

    I figured I needed to give you an update on what happened. So I decided to text her if she wants to go for a coffee soon.

    Me: Want to have coffee soon?
    Her: Hey pat are you at work?
    Me: 11-4, leaving soon
    Her: Oh kay
    Her: How about I call you after 4?
    Me: Sure
    Her: Well do coffee another time..too much going on my days off right now
    Her: Cool
    Me: Hope things are ok
    Her: Me and my daughter are going to walk around this lake this afternoon
    Her: Its frozen apparently
    Her: Yep..alls good
    Her: Moving into my daughters room lol
    Me: Nice, have fun doing that
    Her: Ok ttyl then πŸ™‚
    Me: Btw let’s not talk about my depression, I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore. I got things I rather talk to you about instead.
    Her: Sounds good..but last thing ill suggest is the book I’m reading now..Wow. It is amazing. That is all..I love you, i’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you! (the name of the book)
    Her: Thanks for being a friend
    Her: I’ll lend it to you soon. Its not very long. I believe I will find peace soon, getting closer xo
    Her: Ok later homie
    Me: I’m honoured to be your friend, so thanks for being in my life
    Her: (( <3 ))
    Her: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTViougNWKo
    Her: For clarity
    Me: Cool thanks, i’ll check it out and get back to you
    Me: If you’re ever stressed and need someone to talk to even for 5 minutes my phones always open. Thought i’d get that out, have a great night

    We talked for 21 minutes, she had to eat dinner and drive her daughter to dance class and I had to eat dinner so I told her I had to go and eat dinner. We talked about her and her pain she’s having that’s driving her crazy, and keeps obsessing about it doing yoga and other things. The pain..well more stiffness in her chest but it’s driving her crazy. She wants to have dinner with us on her day off but she’s going through all this. I asked her what her dreams are and that I want to know you better, she just wants to be a simple girl living in the country tending to her garden, working part time, making a profit from her garden with her family. Her daughter is driving her a little crazy keeps making her go out and get things for her, so she just finds a spot and repeats “I love you, i’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you” in her head and calms her down a little. We went deep into the conversation. She also wants to go deep into a spiritual life with a little Buddhism, living a minimal life. Told me she wants me to be a compassionate loving person to everyone. To forgive them, love them, don’t get mad at their mistakes, etc. I said “damn that’s going to be hard”. Ho’oponopono found her at the right time in her life. Then when we were going to hang up I told her I would phone her in a few weeks when things hopefully settle down for her, she said she will phone me again before those few weeks and message me aswell.

    Maybe i’ll just jump into this before I try ending my life…I need something to atleast give me a chance.

    #125494
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    There will be a couple of changes in our communication here.

    1. If you mention again your intent to end your life, that is to commit suicide, in a future post, I will not reply. I am not a professional, and am no qualified to handle expressed suicide intent. Whenever you contemplate suicide, please call a suicide hot line or check yourself into a hospital.

    2. I have let you lead me on this thread since September. Doesn’t seem like I was helpful to you. Therefore, I will now take leadership of this thread. I will do so by asking you a question and expect you answer it next post. My question is: why do you feel that you deserve to suffer?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 years ago by anita.
    #125680
    janice
    Participant

    Let her go her way.

    #127423
    pete
    Participant

    Well I went crazy, got put on suicide watch as I was about to head off to walk off a building, was in the back of a police car. Text my friend I’m sorry if I made her sad and that I didn’t mean to and that I care a lot about her as a friend, she said awe and that she was not sad, she’s happy I’m getting help now. I see a psychiatrist on Thursday, normally it’s a long wait but hearing my story and how I was acting I needed one asap. Also told me about support groups. Told my dad I was suicidal for first time…made me feel dumb and raised his voice. I guess I can finally finish this thread now on this note. I don’t want to feel that depressed anymore, it put me over the edge far worse then any sadness I have ever experienced the last 2 weeks, especially the past week. So now time to heal it looks like.

    #127431
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Welcome back to your own thread. I am glad you are alive and hope you heal.

    Remaining true to what I wrote to you in my last post to you, if you want me to respond to you, you will need to take my leadership in our communication. I asked you a question there: “why do you feel that you deserve to suffer?” (based on your past statement that you deserve to suffer).

    You are welcome to not answer my question. It is only if you want me, specifically, to communicate with you, that you should answer. Otherwise I hope others will reply to you.

    anita

    #127433
    pete
    Participant

    Thanks for the help but the thread has run its course. Maybe in another thread if I make any. Me and her are going to remain the same with texts, phone calls, hangouts more often she agreed to. This other mess I’m dealing with is not part of why I made the thread.

    #127441
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    You are welcome. “The other mess” (having to do with you believing you deserve to suffer, I understand you to refer to)- if you do choose in the future to attend to it here, on this thread or in another, please do.

    Best wishes for you-

    anita

    #152212
    pete
    Participant

    Hello, still going to councelling. The therapist thinks we are pretty much done with this now, i have not got those thoughts in a long time (few months). Me and that woman this thread is about are super close now, we text and talk on phone quite often…just hung out today as we grabbed a coffee and walked to the water and sat on a bench talking about life. She’s sorta got some friends but more the aquantance type and sometimes hang out? she’s only looking for a small group of close friends to connect with and considers me a close friend. She’s going through a lot of problems…her ex still treats her like trash the way he talks to her, so she’s trying to steedr clear of him as much as she can as she’s got 2 kids with him. She recently had 2 blood clots in her and took 4 months off work, i ended up giving her 2 grand as she had no way of supporting her and her daughter, she’s going to pay me back as she’s selling her house as it costs too much for her now but i asked only for half of it back, give the other half to charity or someone who really needs it more then i do. She’s now got gallstones, her ferret was put down. She called me the other day on my cell crying because her ferret had to be put down and hand nobody else to talk to. Also her ex boyfriends mother she was close to passed away a few months ago.

     

    I might be done with talk therapy, it was good but i may try isolation tank therapy now plus try getting into Wim Hof breathing and cold shower therapy. I told the therapist we really do just keep repeating ourselves, she asked what else i wanted to talk about but i dunno. Also said that if i was ever down in the dumps again if i would ever call for help again, and i told her i doubt i would. Hope you’re well Anita, maybe i’ll post more updates again in the future. Adios untill then.

    #152236
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Welcome back to your own thread! My goodness, almost four months. Feels like a long time ago. Well, you are closer now. She is selling her home and moving- is she still planning on moving farther away (from you)?

    And I suppose you are still living with your father? I wonder how he treats you, last I remember is that he yelled at you a lot. I sure hope he no longer does and that he treats you with respect.

    anita

     

    #152626
    pete
    Participant

    Naw she just having a hard time paying for all the bills and her daughter and everything, she will move and pay me back but i told her only half and to give the other half to someone who needs the money more then i do. She’s really looking for friends, the ones she has she does not hang around much and wants more of a small group of them and be close with them (like we are). She will likely live with her mom for a while, she’s kinda glad to be moving out, that place has some bad memories for her and her daughter. When we hung out we could just talk and talk and talk, i felt no nervousness around her unlike when we just sit down for a cup of coffee, we walked by the water and sat at the bench by the docks Β onthe hot sunny day talking about her problems, my problems, moving forward,etc. We flirted a little bit too because that’s what i love to do when i’m around women, had our arms around eachother a little on the bench, she held my hand and really appreciated me helping her out and i walked her back to her car and took the long walk home because it was a nice hot day out. She’s still planning to move far away from me though, but it wont be for a year or 2. I can definatly say i don’t have those same feelings i did back then for her like i used to, i can go long periods not texting her if i wish, don’t think about her like i used to. Now she’s just a good friend to me and i just want her to be happy and healthy as i told her on the phone. She called me last week crying so i guess we have that relationship now lol.

     

    As for my dad? naw, does not yell at me like he used to, but i don’t talk to him about things that often.

Viewing 15 posts - 361 through 375 (of 1,002 total)

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