Home→Forums→Tough Times→Let her go?
- This topic has 1,011 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
anita.
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September 29, 2018 at 12:42 pm #228147
AnonymousInactiveI’ll message her Monday, if still nothing then i’ll say adios on Friday.
September 29, 2018 at 11:36 pm #228175AnonymousInactiveI probably wont call off the friendship, that’s more of my anger talking. I’ll just wish her the best in life and hope she does amazing in her new businesses and text her sometime later down the road next year maybe. You know me, I can’t be mean even if I try.
Oh and 1 last thing that’s been bugging me recently. Why does it seem like things are changing? As I’ve posted in this thread we have had awesome times together. Like that walk along the water flirting, the time i fell down the hill on my butt at the ocean, the time she helped me to the doctors the first time and the walk along the water, to the water, then back, when I got the text from her telling me she loved our present you gave me an idea for (the mug), my first day at the counsellors me calling her so she can calm me down and told me she loves me, the time in the car I swear it looked like she wanted me to kiss her, which i felt awkward and left, the time we had dinner together which was too loud and she wanted it to just be coffee dates so we could talk, the phone calls. 2018 feels like it’s pretty dead now, next to no texts, only 1 hangout, 0 phone calls, no updates on eachother lives anymore, the text she gave me in the summer she said she can’t talk about what she’s doing when before she would have told me, instead I find out at work and the last to know, then when I saw her a few weeks ago she invited me and everyone else to join her at a show, and tells me she’s been thinking of me recently and will message me so we can catch up.
I think I may have figured something out though…I say I don’t text her because it’s just me texting first, but I think I don’t really wanna text her so I don’t. I’m not sure about the phone calling thing though, i’ve had a phobia around her with that preventing me from doing it thinking she is gonna be pissed anytime I call her, so we kinda just randomly stopped. If we stayed friends at all maybe it’s something to talk about during a coffee or something? like ask if I can call her again and maybe try calling more often. I’ve never really had a friendship like this before, it’s mostly just people I work with or go to school with, not hang out and get to know except when I was a small kid and the parents loved me as their own kid, IDK what happened with that friendship though, something happened and I kept running away from him and it ended after many years being friends, I also had a small 1 during high school but him and his friend ended up talking shit behind my back the whole time laughing thinking we were friends. But these years I mostly stay home playing video games forgetting the world.
September 30, 2018 at 8:37 am #228215AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
You have such precious memories of her, I went down memory lane with you as I remembered those things you shared here with me long ago.
It is amazing how social we are, that is, we humans are social animals. We thrive in friendly interactions with others and we suffer in hostile interactions with others. With her you had the friendly kind, a bit toward the romantic, toward the loving kind.
But previous interactions, even current interactions, with your father for one, had been hostile, so you keep away from people, “stay home playing video games forgetting the world”-
because of the painful experiences with others, and yet, we humans still crave the friendly, loving kind. You crave it, still do. It is amazing to me. Is it amazing to you too, when you think about it?
anita
September 30, 2018 at 9:44 am #228229AnonymousInactiveYeah we are social creatures, need a little social interaction or we will go insane as Joe Rogan says it, but depending on our energy levels we might hate it and I like having high energy levels the most, I like feeling alive and feel like I can do anything but I also like feeling in the dumps and feel sorry for myself, that energy feels awful yet addictive.
I’ll message her tomorrow after work and update you at the end of the week assuming things are ok, she might not be happy I asked about the money after she just got her new businesses up and running, or feels bad, or missed my text completly.
September 30, 2018 at 10:15 am #228237AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
If she missed the text, maybe a phone call will do, next week maybe?
You like “feeling in the dumps” even though “that energy feels awful”? I don’t understand, how can a person like an awful feeling? If you get a chance to explain it to me, please do. You don’t have to, of course.
Looking forward to your update!
anita
September 30, 2018 at 10:52 am #228245AnonymousInactiveIt’s hard to put into words, but it’s a pretty addictive feeling and agreeing with myself about bad things makes me feel better sometimes. Anyway, this will be my last post until the update.
Hope you are well.
September 30, 2018 at 11:55 am #228275AnonymousGuestThank you, blkhwkdwn1 for wishing me well. Will wait for your update.
anita
October 1, 2018 at 7:37 pm #228529AnonymousInactiveYou’re welcome, you’re an awesome person Anita, don’t forget it.
Well I messaged her again but no reply again, so I just activated my facebook for a day and messaged her “Not sure if I ever told you this but i’m proud of you for the businesses you went for, will always hope for the best for you in life and hope you succeed in everything you do, you’re awesome! Now have the best day possible and keep on smiling! ciao.”, also randomly text a few work friends “Just texting you to say you’re awesome! keep being real brother.”, 1 guy is depressed, his dad is dieing of cancer and dimentia at the same time.
Something I wish I did more is appreciate the important people in my life, even if it’s a text or message of them being awesome.
October 2, 2018 at 4:00 am #228553AnonymousInactiveWell I am going to take a break from this friendship for a while, thought we were closer than this after everything. Time to deactivate facebook again and worry about myself for a while until I randomly message her out of the blue in maybe a few years and update this thread if we hit it off. Goodbye until then Anita, thanks for everything.
October 2, 2018 at 6:50 am #228577AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
You are welcome and you are awesome too!
I will always be glad to read from you, anytime.
anita
October 3, 2018 at 12:18 pm #228857AnonymousInactiveBefore I go I actually wanna let you know what happened. She replied to me on facebook saying “Yay thanks!” then was mentioning hopefully she can start saving up soon to pay me back, then I replied “Don’t worry about it, keep it or give it to someone who needs it more then me”, but she was insistant on paying me back, then i deactivated my facebook again. I still plan on taking off for a few years, I can’t man up and just tell her because I don’t wanna ruin her happiness she’s got, and by her FB she’s very happy. I’ve been really depressed over this, even people at my work asking me what’s wrong so I guess I can’t hide it, but I blame it on being tired.
I just wish we could have the close times together again like in the past, I miss those times a lot, but I dunno how to deal with that and this is probably the better choice anyway instead of being an energy vampire. On the bench that 1 summer in 2017 we laughed and said we could be eachothers therapist, and she’s called me crying before so I felt special just from that alone knowing she can count on me. I guess I can be happy about being the only person she has made a facebook post about how she felt when she helped me to the doctors and I broke down there revealing my truth, then we walked and talked. She even told me she NEVER does that, posts about her feelings.
So long Anita, until next time.
October 3, 2018 at 12:24 pm #228859AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I will read and answer your recent post when I am back to the computer in about sixteen hours.
anita
October 4, 2018 at 4:24 am #228953AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I re-read your recent few posts as well as the most recent one. You mentioned Joe Rogan, so I looked up quotes from him, here is one: “Life is strange. You keep moving and keep moving. Before you know it, you look back and think, ‘What was that?”
Another: “If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe”.
As a typing monkey flying through the universe, I like to learn about people and our lives here on Earth, because I too looked back and asked: What was that? More accurately, I asked: what the hell was that?
Because of my objective to learn, I looked at your recent posts. You wrote: “we are social creatures, need a little social interaction or we will go insane”. For that little social interaction you activated your Facebook for a day, messaged her, a few exchanges and then you deactivated it. (Once again, by the way, you offered the rest of a loan as a gift, “keep it”, you messaged her, and she insisted it is a loan and that she will pay you back in the future).
In your most recent post you wrote: “she’s called me crying before so I felt special just from that alone knowing she can count on me.. being the only person she has made a facebook post about how she felt when she helped me.. She even told me she NEVER does that, posts about her feelings”.
You wrote earlier on this page that you “like feeling alive and feel I can do anything but I also like feeling in the dumps and feel sorry for myself, that energy feels awful yet addictive… agreeing with myself about bad things makes me feel better sometimes”
I think that not expecting more good social interactions with her (understandably, you did wait for a long, long time and you reached out to her repeatedly) , giving up on it for a few years (“until I randomly message her out of the blue in maybe a few years”) is you settling into that addictive energy you mentioned, sort of being okay with feeling in the dumps. I remember how much better I felt at one of the worst times of my adulthood, when I gave up on having a better life, there was much relief in that. It took off the pressure of trying yet again.
Until I read from you again, and I hope I will, and be glad if I will, please be good to yourself. Remember you are awesome too!
anita
October 4, 2018 at 5:35 am #228959AnonymousGuestOoops! This is the clean version of the above post:
Dear blkhwkdwn1:
I re-read your recent few posts as well as the most recent one. You mentioned Joe Rogan, so I looked up quotes from him, here is one: “Life is strange. You keep moving and keep moving. Before you know it, you look back and think, ‘What was that?”
Another: “If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe”.
As a typing monkey flying through the universe, I like to learn about people and our lives here on Earth, because I too looked back and asked: What was that? More accurately, I asked: what the hell was that?
Because of my objective to learn, I looked at your recent posts. You wrote: “we are social creatures, need a little social interaction or we will go insane”. For that little social interaction you activated your Facebook for a day, messaged her, a few exchanges and then you deactivated it. (Once again, by the way, you offered the rest of a loan as a gift, “keep it”, you messaged her, and she insisted it is a loan and that she will pay you back in the future).
In your most recent post you wrote: “she’s called me crying before so I felt special just from that alone knowing she can count on me.. being the only person she has made a facebook post about how she felt when she helped me.. She even told me she NEVER does that, posts about her feelings”.
You wrote earlier on this page that you “like feeling alive and feel I can do anything but I also like feeling in the dumps and feel sorry for myself, that energy feels awful yet addictive… agreeing with myself about bad things makes me feel better sometimes”.
I think that not expecting more good social interactions with her (understandably, you did wait for a long, long time and you reached out to her repeatedly) , giving up on it for a few years (“until I randomly message her out of the blue in maybe a few years”) is you settling into that addictive energy you mentioned, sort of being okay with feeling in the dumps. I remember how much better I felt at one of the worst times of my adulthood, when I gave up on having a better life, there was much relief in that. It took off the pressure of trying yet again.
Until I read from you again, and I hope I will, and be glad if I will, please be good to yourself. Remember you are awesome too!
anita
October 12, 2018 at 3:26 pm #230593AnonymousInactiveAlright so I tried and failed to break away…I don’t think I can let her go, at least not right now she means too much to me. Got her phone number again as I said I miss us talking on the phone like we used to and she said she would love to meet up, then some BS at work happened, a guy saying she just used me for the money which wasn’t true at all and he wants to give her some words when she is at the store next, so was really really freaking out and got home asap and had to let her know as soon as I walked in the door and got my coffee ready what was up and how sorry I was and how much of a moron I feel because of it. She calmed me down and understood this guys anger and appreciated me telling her. But man did I freak out and start get depressed. She wants to meet me soon for a coffee and a walk to talk, told her we have been through a lot together and she clearly knows she means a great deal to me. She wants to start small payments every month, which would be nice having maybe a coffee every month with her.
I also felt dead for a day, someone online told me something and I never knew words online can destroy you completly mentally, it’s never done that to me until this 1 person said something I rather not remember. I was at work and in almost complete silence thinking how much of a loser I am, it completly overwhelmed me and everyone at work kept asking me what was wrong because normally I act lively but man, that person completly killed me and once I got home I thanked them sarcastically for completly destoying me. It has to do with my abandonment issues and got me thinking of my father and how I’ve always been told to give up, I tried and I can’t do it and how I feel like I will always be alone. I could not snap out of it, but thankfully I did because I’ve not felt that bad since I was in the back of the police car on my way to a suicide ward. I feel like I am breaking down again but I don’t want to deal with it again.
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