Home→Forums→Tough Times→Let her go?
- This topic has 1,011 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 8 months, 4 weeks ago by anita.
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October 31, 2016 at 7:11 pm #119290AnonymousGuest
Dear blkhwkdwn1:
Do you think there is a possibility of a relationship with her…? My first inclination in the beginning of your thread was that she is a saint of sorts, liking to help people, and that may be. But maybe she is available for more…?
anita
October 31, 2016 at 7:39 pm #119291AnonymousInactiveI don’t sense anything more then friends, i’d have seen the signs by now. She’s been single for a year and a half. I like spending time with her though but she’s a very busy mom with a job that leaves little to no time for anything else. She works 12-9pm 5 days a week with a 1 hour break in those 9 hours…before work she drives her daughter to school, does yoga, then has time to zip to work. Then when she’s done work she’s probably exhausted. I asked if she wanted to hang out during her hour break but she likes hanging out with people during her days off, although she did tell me Friday we can get together before she heads to work sometimes.
She also signs up for a ton of events off facebook for like chakra or African/hip hop dance classes if she has the day off and meets new people. Seems too busy to have a man in her life, probably likes it that way for now untill she finds that one she can’t refuse which clearly isn’t me lol.
October 31, 2016 at 7:53 pm #119292AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
She is very busy but likes to be busy, reads to me. What an unusual woman, high energy. It would have been very interesting for me to read HER thread (if she posted one here). I would be curious to know what motivates her, what gives her that fuel to her busy-busy life?
I bet you would be curious as well to read her thread, if she posted one.
Can’t imagine being that busy and having the energy. She works until 9 PM and I go to bed… now, and it is only 7:52 PM!
Good night, take care of yourself, please.
anita
October 31, 2016 at 8:03 pm #119293AnonymousInactiveNighty night!
BTW thanks for giving me something new to talk to her about. What motivates her, what gives her the fuel to her busy life.
I’m not that good around women, but it’s always a blast talking to her in person. She also thanked me for not spending the whole night talking about my depression, although i’ve not done that since the first 2 coffee hangouts we had, now i’m trying to learn as much as i can about her without leaving it to texting. Although about her 2 kids? i dunno how to ask her questions about them.
November 1, 2016 at 7:23 am #119301AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
You are welcome. I got curious myself.
The more curious YOU get, the less depressed you will be, I believe. This is what I have done for a long time: when feeling distressed I switch to Curious, wanting to learn something new.
If I was you, I wouldn’t ask her so much about her children but about HER: what fuels her; what motivates her. If I spent time with her, online, in person, I would state and then ask her: I can’t imagine myself working until 9 PM, so many hours, driving a teenage daughter around, doing all the things you do, how do you find the energy/ How do you do it?
I would also say/ ask: I appreciate you finding the time and energy for me. I was wondering, being as busy as you are, what motivates you to find the time for me?
Ask in a curious, gentle way, in an open ended way, that is not in any way requiring her to give you an answer that will feel good to you. Instead aim at strictly learning, gathering information, being curious. If she is comfortable answering honestly, take your time processing her answers. No need to conclude anything at the moment. Let it sink in. If her answer is distressing to you, process it later.
anita
November 1, 2016 at 6:53 pm #119383AnonymousInactiveTrying to get people from work to come with me to her place Thursday night to eat there, text her what the spelling to her real name is and i’ll learn it for Thursday. She text me the spelling with a smiley face and said good luck!
i’m definatly going to need it lol! She likes that name over her short name so why not learn her name? and it’s meaning…
November 1, 2016 at 7:10 pm #119387AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Two days away from Thursday night. Sounds good to me. Maybe you can have her spelled out longer name printed on a mug, a coffee/ tea mug that you can bring to her as a gift? You can have “(her name) busy like a bee” or something like that. Might make her feel good?
anita
November 1, 2016 at 7:14 pm #119388AnonymousInactiveYup, looks like a nice christmas presant. I dunno how i would manage that though? there a way to print name on coffee mugs? She loves coffee.
*her name*
Busy as a bee*picture of a bee in a flower getting nectar*
Thanks for the idea again heh.
November 1, 2016 at 7:21 pm #119392AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Yes, there is a way to print words on coffee mugs- can you google and find out where you can have it done? In the U.S it’s done all the time- businesses and individuals order mugs with the name of a business or any personal message.
I like the picture of a bee in a flower getting nectar… you can add to the gift a little jar of honey!
anita
November 6, 2016 at 11:09 am #119767AnonymousInactiveAlright so a few days ago I went to her work again with the guy she misses the most, gave her a CD as a present of the band we were going to watch Saturday and ate there for 2 hrs talking with her when she was not busy with customers.
Last night I went to the night club to watch a work buddies gig with 4 others from work and her, so 6 of us total and it was a sold out show. Got hammered so I can let loose and mingle because I have social anxiety when I am sober and huge crowds like this make me anxious. Talked to random girls, flirted with some aswell and had a good time. She thanked me for the CD again and was so excited to watch the shows. Before she got in she text me she was outside waiting for the 6th person so I got my stamp so I can go back in, went outside and we hugged and talked, then the 6th arrived and they smoked a joint. Went inside and had a good time. On my way out my eyes locked on this hot woman and hers on mine, she grabbed my nose and I pretended I had no nose, then I grabbed her nose and put it where my nose was and we walked away. Then that woman friend that this thread was about said “i saw you 2 flirting” heh. The 6th left at midnight for the bus stop while the rest of us went to mcdonalds, then we walked to the cars and on the way the woman I talked to next to me at the seats saw us and we all talked, then my friend said “you sure love talking to everyone” and I said “only when i’m drunk”. I then walked her to her car because it’s like 1AM now, downtown with crazies all around and she would have been alone. We got to her car and we hugged again and told her to drive home safe and I walked back to the rest of the people and got drove home. Then I text her when she gets home to message me so I know she got home safe and she did “I’m here..Thanks”.
It was a great night!
November 6, 2016 at 6:31 pm #119791AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I am glad the two of you (separately) got home safe. And that you had a great night. You’ve been seeing her more often lately, on errands, in the restaurant where she works and on a night out. I like that. Hope seeing her more often, like you have lately, continues!
anita
November 6, 2016 at 6:59 pm #119793AnonymousInactiveThat’s probably it for a long while…maybe UFC on Sat? but doubt it. I’ll let her plan what comes next. Back when I had dinner with her she said another coffee, but a month is tooo long of a wait. Everything has been me since that day I went to the hospital, if she wants to be friends still and chill then i’ll let her plan the next thing.
November 6, 2016 at 7:02 pm #119795AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
You can go to the restaurant every once in a while, as a customer, preferably during a time on her shift that is less busy. Reminds me of the movie “As good as it gets” where Jack Nicholson falls in love with the waitress. I liked that movie!
anita
November 10, 2016 at 3:45 pm #120078AnonymousInactiveI really don’t get something. That Saturday night when I was hammered at the club and walked her to her car, I think I must have pissed her off because she’s not text me since I text her to text me when she gets home so I know she got home safe. I never asked her if I could walk her to her car, I just did. I don’t remember if she told me no but I remember her saying “i guess you’re coming with me”, then walking her to her car. When we got there I remember her telling me to go back to the others…I hugged her and told her to drive home safe. I just wanted her to be safe…told myself I wont message her until she messages me. Here is how the text went.
Me: Text me when you get home so I know you got home safe
Her: I’m here..Thanks
Me: Good. Sweet dreams!We barely talked that night. We text a bunch before she came in, then were talking a little…then nothing. One of the texts was about my drinking…
Me: Beer is credit card or cash only. I’m about to get my 3rd beer
Her: You’re getting capped off soon my friend 🙂Then she talked to me me quickly that I should wait a while before getting another beer, so I said ok. Then later I just kept drinking like a mad man. She’s told me before I need to stop drinking so much, but that was back when I had those 4 brutal days.
She also didn’t seem to impressed with me that I was flirting with some young girls. Maybe because one of her daughters is 17 and the other 21? these girls were 22 but lol who cares who I flirt with when I am single. Maybe it was just my imagination that she was not impressed, I was REALLY hammered. If it goes over a week when I hear from her I guess at that point I will know something is up. She said she would come to UFC on Sat if she’s not busy, just weird not hearing from her in 5 days. We started texting eachother every 2-4 days for a while, now poof! I aint going to UFC on Sat though.
Oh right and one of her texts was that she wanted to be up front where the stage was…she never went there, she sat back at the table with us all night. I did go to the stairs beside the stage and she asked me if I was going to the stairs, and I said yep. But she never came, and never asked if she wanted to come. One of the random 22 year olds came and was chatting with me while I was there.
Maybe it’s all just in my head? I dunno…normally is.
November 10, 2016 at 6:19 pm #120084AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Remember how busy she is… I don’t know how she felt or still feels about you being hammered. I don’t know her position on drinking. Did she ever express her position to you, her feeling about drinking? Maybe she was uncomfortable. I personally do not like to be in the company of a hammered person because they are not available to me and I feel so alone.
I don’t know- I don’t know if she is just busy or if she also got a negative feeling watching you hammered. Maybe you can ask her how she felt about you that night in the club?
anita
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