Trevor,

There is a difference between detachment and disconnection, and what you’ve stumbled into is nihilism, or meaninglessness, rather than emptiness, or fertility. Its not that subjectivity means that nothing matters, its that subjectivity means we get to decide what matters. We have some control. We sit at the center of a big wheel, ever turning, and our thoughts, actions and emotions produce seeds that grow up into a view that we digest. It isn’t empty, such as nothing, such as therefore meaningless. Its empty, such as fertile soil that is able to be tended like a garden.

For instance, consider your family. Yes, you have attachments to your family, and that’s fine. Normal, OK. Yes, when you lose a loved one to death or distance it hurts. Normal, OK. When we detach, we can see that the connections rise and fade, and the pain of loss rises and fades. So, why all the struggle? Instead of pushing it away, such as “this eventually causes me pain, so fuck it”, we can relax with it “conditions rise and fade, and here is love, warmth, and joy”. Like being able to laugh and smile in appreciation alongside a rose in bloom, even though we know winter will come, and the bloom with fade.

While metta meditation may help (it produces a smooth and peaceful mind, consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested) also consider spending more time working for the benefit of others, getting out of your own head space and do some noble service to people in need. Too much time spent staring at the soil, not enough time helping it grow, leads to a feeling of sluggishness, apathy, isolation. Go share the gift of food with the hungry, the gift of money to the impoverished, the gift of love to the grieving, and your heart will perhaps be so full of splendor that you’ll be able to laugh at how wrapped up in nothingness you became. What we do matters, son, life is being lived in every miraculous breath.

With warmth,
Matt