Dear DC:

“I have therefore been ridiculed and abused… However I have suffered abuse from some current SC member.. I have had sleepless nights on this as feel that it is not right or fair to other owners... I have the option to resign from the SC. I feel that I am the lone SC police person among the current committee of unethical people… Should I resign and just ‘let go’ of the situation in the Buddhist way?“-

– I think that it is a good idea that you resign and let go of the situation because (1) you’ve been ridiculed and abused, suffered sleepless nights as a result, and that is not right or fair to you (2) you are the lone SC police person among the committee of unethical people, meaning you don’t have anyone on your side, no one to fight with you against the unethical people.

There is so much injustice in our world.. and much of it can  not fixed and make right. It is sad, isn’t it.

anita

–

Hi DC

However, perhaps the time has come for me to step back. Should I resign and just “let go” of the situation in the Buddhist way? Am I too attached to this?

Just wanted to say something about the “Buddhist way” of letting go as I understand it. A unskillful detachment often leads to indifference and a giving up. A skillful detachment is a doing by not doing, action and stillness…  In the situation you describe a setting of healthy boundary might involve a detachment from outcome while engaged in the process, being true to yourself.

That said I agree with Anita, as in all things their is a time and now might be a time to take a step back and center yourself. Not as a fight or flight reaction to the situation but a middle way.

There is so much injustice in our world its a challenge to know when take a stand, when to ‘be the policeman’, the ‘social worker’, the’ peacemaker’…  all have their time and place. I feel the most important is that when we act regardless of how (which role we play) we do so from our center, being honest with ourselves regardless of result.

Dear DC:

You are welcome and thank you for your kindness. Your kindness shines through your reply: thanking me, expressing that you value my advice, giving me (too much) credit. All this suggests to me that you are a good person.

“accept that there is so much injustice in our world that I cannot change. This is widely known, yet something in me just cannot accept.. My holding on to this ideal view of the world has perhaps caused me much suffering as you articulated i.e. sleepless nights, ridicule, abuse, etc.“-

– this makes me think of a man looking back in time, holding on to this ideal view of his childhood, but there was some injustice there that needed to be fixed before it could be ideal. The boy is now a man, but something in him, the boy that’s still there, is trying to fix that long ago injustice.

“Why have I just held on to this for so long??“- could the above be an answer, one of a few perhaps?

anita

Dear DC:

You are welcome and thank you for being as gracious and kind as you are.

“There was a lot of childhood trauma that perhaps is manifesting in adulthood. I really had to delve into it today before I responded“- if (and only if) you would like to elaborate on the part of your childhood trauma that may shed light on your current challenge (“Letting go of injustice”), you are welcome to do so, and I will reply further.

anita

Dear DC:

You are welcome. This post is probably going to be tough for you to read, so please take your time reading, take breaks, and of course, if it gets too distressing, you can choose to stop reading at any time.

I want to jump straight into what I’ll call The Core Injustice: the biggest and earliest Injustice that you experienced:

“It is my culture to respect..  her whims and wishes..(to respect) her.. affair with a married man (who)..  tortured and abused us kids, physically and emotionally… till we were grown-up in our late teens”.

I know that you wrote: “It is in my culture to respect elders”. I know that it is in your culture to respect parents as well elders. Thing is, culture does not make an exception for very abusive parents or elders. Without such exception, culture teaches to respect abuse.

What kind of social or cultural “justice”  is it that teaches children to respect, for the duration of their lives,  the whims and wishes of “a narcissistic and toxic person… self centred, controlling, critical, etc.”, who brings in a man into her children’s lives who abuses them for years?

What kind of justice is it when a woman is allowed to hurt her children badly for years.. and she get away with it, no one holding her accountable as she keeps abusing them into adulthood: no apologies, no regrets.. no guilt, no justice.

Let’s look at a minor injustice, in comparison, one that you wrote about in your original post: “I recently became aware that the Treasurer..  used his position to tell the Strata Manager to pay for his own repairs – out of the owners corporation’s funds. This is an abuse of position of power“.

Your mother used and still uses her position of power to abuse you and her other two adult children. It is society and culture that give her this position of power to keep for the duration of her life, turning the other way when she uses her position of power against her children.

In your original post you wrote in regard to the relatively minor injustice of recent: “I have therefore been ridiculed and abused. And recently, outvoted by other SC members who fear retribution from the Treasurer… I have suffered abuse from some current SC members for being the only person who raises issues with this inappropriate behaviour“:

(1) As wrong as the ridicule and abuse you suffered as an adult in the context of the SC, it was of a way lesser abuse in duration and intensity than this:  “This man tortured and abused us kids, physically and emotionally.  The abuse lasted till we were grown-up in our late teens”.

(2) The other SC members fear retribution from the Treasurer if they act to correct the injustice. Similarly, you fear retribution if you acted to correct The Core Injustice in your life, and the retribution you fear is Guilt: “I don’t want to feel the guilt of neglecting her when she passes on.  She is elderly now… she is my mother”-

– It is society and culture that instill in children this Guilt, a terrible pain of being a bad-boy (or a bad-girl) if you act to correct the injustice of parental abuse. The cherry on top of this societal-cultural dishonest manipulation of adult children of abusive parents is saying: well, look at your mother.. she is elderly now, harmless.. about to die.. don’t upset her now, take the non-physical abuse (as she is too weak being elderly.. to hit you herself or to have an affair with a man who will) for just a little bit longer.. okay? Good boy!

anita