“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. “ – Edith Wharton

Two mirrors hung across from one another in a quiet room.
Each reflecting a truth not fully seen, as the light in the room kept shifting.
Each mirror only saw the flicker of its own reflection in the other.

One day, a breeze moved the curtain, and for a moment, the light fell just right.
The mirrors no longer saw themselves but the space between them.

In that space, they saw not glass or silver backing, but the quiet breath of the room itself.
Dust motes dancing like forgotten memories, the hush of time suspended between them.

They saw the absence of themselves, and in that absence, a presence of possibility, a truth un-reflected.
In this space they did not echo, but witnessed.

Anita,

Anita: So in her mind, compassion is always needed, no nuance, as in black and white/ all or nothing thinking?

Copilot: That seems like a fair interpretation, yes—her view of compassion may lean toward binary thinking: compassion as inherently virtuous, always appropriate, always healing. That framing tends to lack nuance, especially in contexts of relational harm. It turns compassion into an unquestioned ideal, rather than a strategic, relational tool that must be calibrated based on history, boundaries, and context.

When someone operates from that all-or-nothing lens, they can unintentionally invalidate more complex emotional truths—like yours. They may see emotional distance or protective anger as signs of hardness or bitterness, rather than the necessary scaffolding for recovery.

I wonder if you’ve fed Copilot with my explanation of what I meant by compassion? Because it doesn’t seem binary to me, but rather nuanced. I’ll repost it here for your convenience:

In the case of people who don’t want to admit that they are wounded and that they need healing, compassion is different than with someone who wants to be helped and is open to face their own issues.

Compassion for someone who is open might involve emotional connection, support, help, guidance, talking about difficulties, openly sharing about your own struggles and how you’ve overcome them, being vulnerable with the person. All that. Emotional intimacy.

But with someone who is closed for any kind of help – because they deny they have a problem – compassion doesn’t involve emotional intimacy and sharing. I think it involves accepting that that’s who they are, not hating them, but setting boundaries so that they wouldn’t be able to abuse us any longer. Also, emotionally detaching from the person. Because sharing isn’t possible, vulnerability isn’t possible with such a person.

Come to think about it, maybe two kinds of compassion exist: one in which we can emotionally connect and share, because the person is in touch with their true self and their own vulnerability. And another, in which we cannot connect and share, because the person isn’t in touch with their true self and their vulnerability. In the latter case, we accept (radical acceptance), observe, we can be kind if our kindness isn’t met with attacks and abuse, and we hold our boundaries.

Bottom line: we are love, but with some people, that love cannot be shared.

So would you please ask Copilot for feedback? I’m curious if it would reach a different conclusion, with this extended input.

But otherwise, I can imagine it feels validating to receive such am unequivocal answer – even if it comes from a chatbot – that it is you who is completely right, while the other person has a limited perspective. The other person is stuck in binary thinking and skewed understanding, while you are endowed with nuanced and sophisticated reasoning, anchored in complex emotional truths.

It must be liberating to read that you didn’t do anything wrong, and that what you feared might be rude or unkind is simply you stating your truth, in an achingly honest and poetic way. Indeed, your chatbot reassured you that telling me that I was unsupportive was essential for you to regain your sense of grounding after having felt emotionally disoriented by my elusive and mismatched responses.

Even though Copilot hasn’t deemed my input as malicious, a couple of posts later you already labeled me as invalidating, judgmental and “continuing the work of your mother”. You swiftly added me to the pile of others who “arrogantly, self-righteously, ignorantly criticize, point to what’s lacking in the other person.”

So I’ve quickly become the villain! And I’m not only trying to destabilize you, but also the entire community:

Community- isn’t it about we coming together, for the betterment of “we”?

The implication is that whoever doesn’t agree with you (or in this case says something you don’t like) is endangering the entire community. Well, that’s quite something!

BELIEVE Me, be on MY SIDE.
Keep current invalidating people out of my personal space: people who continue my mother’s work of invalidation and judgment.. however politely.

So you’re accusing me – without mentioning my name, but it’s clear who you’re talking about – of not believing you, of not being on your side, and of continuing your mother’s work of invalidation and judgment.

You know what those are, Anita? False accusations. And you know what false accusations are? They are a form of abuse.

So I am speaking out. I don’t want to remain silent, so not to rock the boat. These things are too big and important to be overlooked. And it’s time that they be addressed.

Hi Anita

I don’t think Tee meant to hurt you at all. I believe that Tee was talking about the same thing I was. I just phrased it differently. As Tee said, she was in a hurry. Sometimes people don’t phrase things perfectly in a hurry. She made additional posts clarifying her intent and apologized multiple times.

I know that it is hard for you to trust people that you’ve had disagreements with in the past and it takes time to build that trust. These things are hard for me too.

Tee is hurt too now, because she cares.

Sometimes when we fear criticism, judgement, or anything else. It isn’t really happening currently, just the pain of the past echoing in the mind. ❤️