This year has been full of changes. I got myself out of a relationship with a guy who was clearly not at all what I needed in my life. He used me and was a very nasty person. I purchased my first home. I quit my job and began working for myself which I love and I’m continuing to build my practice. I’m proud of my accomplishments. 

I have a friend what I’ve known over two years. I never allowed the friendship to turn into anything more because when I met him he was freshly divorced. Almost two years later I allowed him into my life as more than a friend. In the moment I thought that maybe it was something more. He had so much going on personally that when I approached him about dating he explained that he wasn’t in a position to give me what I deserved as he was still piecing together his life after his divorce. At first it stung but it really forced me to focus on myself and take the time to really heal from my past relationships especially the one I had just removed myself from. I looked at it as more of a blessing because in reality I wasn’t in a place to start dating. I finally found happiness within myself and even started taking chances and going out more, meeting new people and volunteering my time. He and I are still friends and I genuinely love him as a friend. I also know the feelings are still there on both ends and while we continue to hang out and enjoy each other’s company I’m able to do so without allowing it to consume my mind. We’ve really been able to understand each other and we keep it light and fun. 

Now, I came home for the holidays and had to deal with my mother (btw I’m 33). She became a grandmother this year thanks to my brother and she’s always on me about marriage and babies. I’ve gotten better at ignoring her but for some reason her comments are bothering me. My best friend is pregnant and she said “you’re getting left further and further behind”. She also told another friend of mine “I’ve been waiting for her to give me a grand baby before I’m too old to play with it”. She also likes to go on Facebook and constantly show me couples that I know and their children. These comments hurt. Of course I want a husband and children of my own. It’s a real desire of mine but I can’t make that happen right now. I’m not in a relationship at this time. 

Like I said, I’ve been working on myself and I often pray for my desires but more importantly I pray that I’m given the tools to be the best version of myself so that when I meet “the one” I will know it and will be ready for it. I think I get discouraged when I know I’ve put in the work and have moments where I start to feel like a failure. I know I’m not a failure but I feel like that’s how my mom views me because I’m not married and I don’t have children. I’m not sure I know what I’m looking for in discussing this….I just have a lot on my mind. 

I feel like I’m on the right track.