Dear Connie:

At this point you waking up depressed because of depressing thinking is a habit, a habit-of-the-mind, what you referred to as “a loop”. Like any habit, it will keep going unless you replace it with a new habit. If you choose a new morning habit to replace the existing one, the new habit will take hold soon enough. A new morning habit can be anything from listening to a particular music to guided meditation, a brisk walk, a hot bath, and so on. You can experiment with different new morning habits and see which one is a good replacement.

anita

Hi Connie,

This is fantastic news! I’m so glad you are doing better. Keep up the good work. Feel free to post anytime.

Hi Connie,

Thinking about focusing on the hope for your next partner as you remember the things about the person you are trying to get over that you didn’t like can really help snap the idealizations we tend to create of people we are trying to move on from. Maybe you can create a routine in the morning that fills your morning with things you love instead of tired periods of depression. As soon as you feel the depression start to settle, go and do something you love to do.

As you move on, perhaps you can focus on becoming the person you want to become instead of thinking about the things that you wish were different. You can create a list of goals and steps that will lead me toward the person you want to become in the future and move toward that person everyday. Progress can be a beautiful feeling.

I have the same problem. My emotionally abusive partner broke up with me just over a month ago and though I am learning everyday how bad he did actually treat me I wake up early hours of every morning missing him, missing the good times we did have, missing the person I thought he was, missing the cuddles. Since he left my body has been like its own little alarm clock, waking me up at the same time everyday. At first I would look at the clock and lay awake thinking and analysing over everything and what he was doing, who he was with. Now when I wake up in the early hours, I don’t even look at the time because I know what time it is, but I accept that I have woken up and reject all thoughts of him in the best way I can. Sometimes it takes me longer than other times but generally I do fall back to sleep. The problem is though that I am emotionally and mentally exhausted everyday. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep because it doesn’t hurt when I sleep. Good luck.

Dear Connie:

Glad your morning depression has improved. Keep practicing what worked, expecting it to not work as well some mornings, and so, have a few practices to choose from on any particular morning, so when one doesn’t work, you can experiment with the other. Same with night time.

anita